Social Manual
for Seminarians
Reverend Thomas F. Casey
and Reverend Leo C. Gainor, O P.
Foreword by His Eminence
Richard Cardinal Cushing

(Roman Cathode (Boo^s
Distribution Center Post Office Box 2286, Fort Collins, CO 80522

IMPRIMI POTEST:
J. E Marr. OP.
PROVINCIAL

NIHIL OBSTAT:

Matthew P. Stapleton
Diocisan Censor
IMPRIMATUR:

Richard Cardinal Cushing
Archbishop of Boston
May 29,1962

0-912141-74-3

Publisher’s Note
Not all customs and manners survive cultural/
moral revolutions like tliat suffered in the Western
world in the late 1960s. This book was written
in the early ’60s, but holds up quite well.
Seminarians, priests, and indeed Catholic laymen
will find it valuable even in the early years of the
21st century. Especially so, in fact — because
most of us have liad little training in Christian
etiquette. In that spirit, we reprint Social Manual
for Seminarians exactly as it originally appeared.

The authors collectively spent decades in two
major archdioceses, Boston and Chicago, training
new priests.

FOREWORD

Our modern seminarians face a formidable challenge as they
generously answer the call of God to lifelong service. Intel­
lectual and moral formation must be achieved during the
brief period of their association with the seminary. Many
forces within and without the individual candidate combine
in assault on his good purpose. Strengthened by the sacra­
ments and guided by his bishop, shaped by the devoted at­
tention of his seminary professors, and encouraged by the
loving prayers of his family, the young man labors to reach
the goal to which his vocation summons him.
Within the young man lie qualities which the passing years
will sec develop. He has it in him to become first a gentleman,
next an educated priest, and then a saint. One step achieved
will lead him to the next and each is necessary for the full
realization of the inner qualities bestowed on him by God.
Man, gentleman, priest, and saint are the challenging stages
of the developing life that lies before the young seminarian.
It is for the development of the gentleman that Father
Gainor and Father Casey have composed this manual. As
priests speaking to seminarians who share the priestly voca­
tion, they offer guidance in the many social situations en­
countered by a seminarian. Included are the social responsibil­
ities of the community life of the seminary and the demands of
proper behavior which occur when seminarians are on leave
from the seminary. The authors examine the social customs
as they apply to seminarians, treat of a range of topics and

FOREWORD

present practical directions for the exemplification of the
social graces.
Their theme is charity in action. Recognizing the suprem­
acy of the virtue of charity as do all intelligent followers of
Christ, they counsel the application of the virtue of charity
to all the situations encountered in daily life. Thus the manual
aids in the development of the basic virtue and leads semi­
narians toward the personification of the Catholic gentleman.
No pretense or affectation enters into this role of the Catholic
gentleman. The seminarian is shown the connection that exists
between good manners and virtue, propriety and manliness.
The style is refreshing and should effectively instruct the
readers of the manual.
Our seminarians’ external manners should be a reflection
of their inner motivation, charity in action: love of God and
love of neighbor. The love of God has brought these students
to our seminaries. The love of neighbor should motivate them
to acquire gracious knowledge of correct social relations so
as to make their future apostolate more effective. Good
manners have immediate results too, in contributing to the
happiness of fellow seminarians and maintaining harmonious
cooperation among these generous young men. The Christlike seminarian is the ideal and all must strive toward this
goal.
May this manual prove helpful to our beloved seminarians
as they face the challenge to be gentlemen, educated priests,
and, ultimately, saints.
Richard Cardinal Cushing
Archbishop of Boston

INTRODUCTION

Purpose
This manual is intended to be helpful to the young men
who are aspiring to the priesthood in the Catholic Church.
It is, if you wish to so label it, “A Textbook on Clerical
Etiquette.” It is designed to be indicative rather than
comprehensive.
In its purpose, however, it goes beyond the mere cata­
loguing of general rules and regulations of social conduct,
and visualizes you, the future priest, as a sum total of all your
training — spiritual, moral, intellectual, physical, and social.
The resulting composite is the ordained priest — a cultured
Catholic gentleman. This book covers only one phase of that
training or preparation: the social proprieties.

Terms Explained
“Cultured Catholic Gentleman,” as we use the term,
signifies the Catholic priest who is motivated by charity, by
love of God, and by love of neighbor. His life is a life of
service to God and his fellowman. This culture expresses
itself in all his human relations.
St. Thomas Aquinas, with his great acumen, calls this
quality “affability,” the ability to get along amicably with
our fellowmen. The key thought then, as now, was considera­
tion and thoughtfulness for others.
St. Thomas attributes this quality of affability, or friend­
liness, to the virtue of justice. He says in part:

INTRODUCTION

This virtue of affability is a part of Justice, being joined to
it as to a principal virtue . . . (for example: the branch to the
tree). Affability regards a certain debt of equity, namely,
that we behave pleasantly toward those among whom we
dwell. Therefore, it behooves us to exercise a certain regard
towards others in our mutual relations, both in deeds and in
words, so that we behave towards each other in an agreeable
manner. Hence, the need of a special virtue that maintains
this harmony of relationship. This virtue we call “friendli­
ness” (Q. 114, 115; Part Π-ΙΙ).

So St. Thomas recognized that affability and friendliness
are closely allied to good manners and to consideration of the
rights of others. He makes only one exception, which we can
readily accept with its implications:
Unless at times, for some reason, it is necessary to displease
others for some good purpose.

Your Regulations
All seminaries, major and minor, lay down the same rule
for their students. The wording may vary but the central idea
is the same everywhere: the motivation of social conduct is
charity; charity in action; charity in love for God and love
for neighbor.
The seminarian becomes a priest out of love of God, but
love of neighbor stimulates him to effective ministry through
conformity to the accepted social code and through facility
in his human relations.
It is an essential part of your apostolatc that you acquire
good manners in order to secure the respect of the public and
the confidence of the laity.
The general public expects you, and rightly so, to have
a certain affability in your behavior, combined with modesty
and graciousness. Anything short of this will startle the people
and reflect unfavorably upon your ministry.

INTRODUCTION

Habit-Forming Time
Clerical students start off with a handicap, however. You,
the future priest, must spend many of your formative years
practically isolated from normal social contacts with active
society. You enter the minor seminary in your teens. You
spend additional years of training largely removed from the
influence of your family, home life, and mixed society.
Unlike young men in high school, college, or in the business
world, you have little opportunity to realize that your attitudes
and social deportment make a distinct impression upon the
people with whom you come into contact. Your affability and
courtesy create your “image” in the public mind.
It is during these secluded years of collegiate, philosophical,
and theological study that you are trained in the social graces.
But your opportunities to put them into practice are somewhat
limited. Therefore, make the most of every occasion among
your classmates; in your own family circle; toward people
who come to the seminary; on visiting Sundays; during
vacation periods.
If you are not alert and do not give close attention to the
social conventions during this period of time, you will
undoubtedly develop graceless, plebeian, or even offensive
manners. These undesirable traits will correspondingly impede
your effective service during your active years of ministry.
It is a rule of society, a fact of life, that persons are judged
by externals. You will not be exempted from this critical
appraisal.

Judgment by Others
Your personal appearance, student or young priest, your
bearing, tact, poise, your courtesy in dealings with others,
your awareness and observance of social conventions — all

INTRODUCTION

these factors make a favorable or a disagreeable impression
upon others. Moreover, these judgments are formed even
before your other qualities are considered, such as knowledge,
intelligence, or your moral character. You will be appraised
according to these external standards and there isn’t anything
you can do about it except to conform to the code.

Final Determinant
Common sense must be the final factor which governs your
application of conventional rules to particular circumstances
in your social life as a young priest. Just one example will
illustrate this point. It is a rule that we shake hands with the
right hand. Imagine the confusion that would result if this
rule was not generally followed! Yet, there are many par­
ticular circumstances, for instance, with the handicapped, or
the man with painful arthritis, where this rule cannot be ap­
plied. Hence you must make “common sense” the ultimate
criterion of proper usage.
You have one broad general rule — to smooth the troubled
waters of social convention — and to give you confidence and
assurance in your approach. It is contained implicitly, at least,
in your regulations: your spiritual and theological training
is a preparation for your harvest of souls; so too, is your
gentlemanly training a preparation for life situations; for your
charity in action — the salvation of souls.
You must make use of all natural means, as well as spirit­
ual ones, in your apostolate. If externals of dress, deportment,
and observances of customs are weighty factors in influencing
others, then they must become important elements in your
apostolate.
Thus, you as a priest will take your rightful place with
the cultured people of the world. These people will recognize
that you are in the world, but not of the world. You will take

INTRODUCTION

your place in the classroom, the college, the university, in
the parish, on the lecture platform, in the pulpit, in the
Church societies — wherever cultured and intellectual men
and women gather. You will be observed, on inspection
wherever you appear. You must not disappoint these people.

Inspirational Example
You should take your inspiration from Christ Himself who
never was guilty of a breach of politeness. Christ in His public
life praised some and rebuked others when it was necessary,
but on all occasions He was courteous. He never willingly
inflicted pain on any man, but He rebuked those who forgot
their manners. There was the time when Christ upbraided
Simon, the Pharisee, at his table, when he neglected to per­
form the ordinary courtesies of the day for Christ, his guest
— the washing, the anointing, the kiss of peace; yet at that
same table Christ gently lifted the penitent Magdalene from
the depth of shame to the heights of sanctity.
Christ was on easy terms with the rich and poor alike. He
could go hungry with His Apostles, eat with sinners, or dine
at the table of the rich Zacchaeus. He could find rest on the
roadside or sleep in the home of His friend Lazarus. He
worked His first miracle to save embarrassment to the newly­
weds. He was all things to all men, and in all His human
relations He was ever the cultured gentleman. He is the per­
fect model for your imitation.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION
1.

PROPER TRAINING....................................... 1

2.

POSTURE AND CARRIAGE

3.

CONVERSATION...................................... 14

4.

ANNOYING HABITS......................................20

5.

SMOKING......................................................... 24

6.

TABLE MANNERS..................................... 28

7.

THE CONVENTIONALITY OF EATING

8.

WAITING ON TABLE ....

9.

TIPPING........................................................ 50

10.

SPORTS........................................................ 56

11.

WHEN SICKNESS COMES....

12.

WHEN THE LADIES ARE PRESENT .

13.

THE AUTOMOBILE.................................... 85

14.

TELEPHONE USAGE.................................... 94

15.

CORRESPONDENCE................................... 109

...

10

.

36
44

65

.

76

CONTENTS

16.

INTRODUCTIONS

17.

GOOD MANNERS IN ACTION

18.

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

....

122
.

133

.

.

138

SOURCES.................................................

.

155

.................................................

.

157

INDEX

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Let no man despise thy youth, but
be thou an example to the faithful
in speech, in conduct, in charity,
in faith, in chastity (1 Tim 4:12).

Chapter 1.

PROPER TRAINING

Your Personal Cleanliness
The foundation of your personal appearance is cleanliness of
your person. Fortunately for you, your homes, your colleges,
and your seminaries provide ample facilities for your personal
grooming.
Under these favorable conditions it becomes exceedingly
difficult for you to offer a valid excuse for giving offense to
others by body odors, irrespective of how violent your physi­
cal exercise in sports, or your expenditure of energy in other
activities. You can’t blame it on the weather conditions, for
your companions endure the same heat waves. While they
may not say anything, they will not accept your implied
excuses.

Rigid Custom
This point of etiquette is equally true of other thorough
cleanliness factors. We are rapidly becoming a people inexo­
rably dedicated to immaculateness of person and dress. As
a result we are increasingly intolerant of those who cither
deliberately, or inadvertently, flaunt these conventions. We
will not accept excuses.
Thanks to newspaper and magazine advertisements and to
TV commercials regarding soaps, deodorants, toothpastes,
and mouthwashes you scarcely need to be reminded here of
the importance of daily baths, the use of deodorants, the
necessity of regular teeth brushing, close shaves, the assurance
1

2

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

of fresh, clean breath, frequent shampoos, clean fingernails,
and fresh linens. If you are meticulous and regular now in
observing these regulations they will become habitual and
you can always feel confident of your presentability under
all circumstances.

Specifications of Canon Law
The sacred Canons of the Church recognize these hygienic
regulations and insist upon their observance. The Church law
also recommends propriety in dress and in manners. It places
the responsibility upon the seminary officials for stressing these
rules to the seminarians, and for giving good example them­
selves in these matters of decorum.
Canon 1369, paragraph 2 reads:
(The seminary officials) shall frequently stress the rules of
true Christian etiquette and stimulate the seminarians by
example to the cultivation of them; morever the officials shall
urge the seminarians to the scrupulous observance of hygienic
demands of cleanliness of body and in dress; and of a certain
geniality combined with modesty and dignity in conversation.

Practice Makes Perfect
The seminary, as Canon Law recognizes, is the proper
place to acquire these desirable habits of neatness and per­
sonal grooming. This entire treatise, Social Manual for
Seminarians, might be considered a development and expan­
sion of this particular Canon 1369, for as the Church recog­
nizes, in this entire field of personal cleanliness it becomes a
matter of constant vigilance for you to keep yourself present­
able. However the practice will pay dividends, for such habits
acquired as a student, under the inspiration and example of
the seminary officials, will remain with you throughout your
active ministry.

PROPER TRAINING

3

Practical Application
By way of practical illustration, take such matter-of-fact
things as your hair and your fingernails. What will be said
of them here applies with equal force to other qualities of
personal cleanliness. These two examples arc used merely
to emphasize the surveillance required in this entire field of
personal appearance.
In respect to your hair, if you have it, be thankful, and
keep it well groomed. The hair is a key item in your appear­
ance, so get your hair cut every two weeks. Do not affect
the extreme styles, the bizarre effects, the “prison” cut, or the
flashy combings of the ultramodern youth. Any indulgence
or affectation in any of these styles, or combings, will immedi­
ately forfeit your companions’ good opinions and merit cen­
sure from your superiors.
If your hair has vanished, or is disappearing, as sometimes
happens during seminary days and more frequently in active
years, accept the inevitable (now and later) with masterful
sangfroid. Do not attempt ingenious methods of combing,
nor try to make a few long hairs cover the tonsured spots.
You will only advertise your painful consciousness of an ir­
remediable condition. Take what comfort you can in what
Shakespeare makes Dromio say in the Comedy of Errors:
“What Time hath scanted men in hair he hath given them
in wit.” And remember you have much company with your
baldish pate.
Have a regular day every second week for barbering. Have
the barber trim the eyebrows and ears if they require it. Do
not get exotic trims, nor have the barber clip the hair close
to the scalp. Then take care of your hair by proper weekly
shampoo and regular hair dressing of your own preference.
In respect to your fingernails, if you develop the habit of

4

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

keeping them trimmed and shaped the process will become
almost automatic. However, do not cut the nails straight
across, or down to the quick. Keep the nails rounded (not
pointed) and curved as nature intended. Of course, keep
them clean at all times.
If you have developed the childish habit of biting your
fingernails, or chewing off hangnails with your teeth, break
it at once! Most people have a horror at witnessing such a
performance.
Keep a manicure set, or at least a pair of manicure scissors
and a nail file, among your toilet accessories. It is fallacious
thinking to consider the practice effeminate.

Your Clothing
Neatness of attire is a correlative of cleanliness of body.
It is an acquired habit. The prospective priest is not a fop,
nor a fashion plate; neither does he affect the effeminate, nor
the eccentric.
Your attire, whether clerical or civilian clothes, should be
neat and clean. Street trousers should be pressed. Shoes should
be polished at all times. Remember Shaw’s Pygmalion (and
My Fair Lady): “He’s a gentleman; look at his boots.”
Black socks should be worn with black shoes, never white
or colored socks ... the clashing contrast is out of place for
clergymen. And, speaking of socks, they should be of the
“stretch” variety which cling to the legs . . . resort to garters
if necessary ... for the sight of socks draping down on ankles
has a disturbingly “undress” effect.
Practice: Again get in the habit of proper grooming and it
will become almost automatic. For instance, polish the shoes
each day, or at least give them a cloth brushing. Do this at a
regular time, say when you return to your room after Mass
and breakfast.

PROPER TRAINING

5

Watch out for your cassocks. Inspect them regularly. Do
not permit them to become stained with perspiration bands
under the armpits. Inspect them frequently for spots on the
underside of sleeves; watch for frayed cuffs, loose hooks, pro­
truding Roman collars sticking up in the back.
Confine your loafer shoes and sandals to your own room.
When on the street keep coat properly buttoned. Do not be
an “odd ball” in wearing out-of-date street clothing. Spats
went out with grandfather; derbies with father; double-breasted
suits in your own time. The vest has practically gone, and
the white scarf is going. So conform. If and when these styles
come back — conform. Pope’s advice applies here: “In words,
as fashions . .
Be not the first by whom the new are tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

Cassocks and street clothing should be kept clean with
spots removed at once. Linen wear and clerical collars should
be spotlessly clean. It is not a matter of financial economy
to wear your white composition collar until it is as yellow as
a canary. Some seminarians affect the “Joe College” type.
They don’t seem to grow out of their varsity days. Remember
Shakespeare said: “The apparel oft proclaims the man”
(Hamlet, Act 1).
To sum up: Slovenliness in dress, either in the seminary,
classroom, or on the street, is a mark of carelessness un­
becoming a gentleman. At the other extreme is fastidiousness
— the soft, unmanly type with distaff tendencies and ef­
feminate touches. This is unbecoming an aspirant to the
priesthood.

A Warning
So you can “overdress” or “underdress.” There is a proper
time and a proper place for certain types of clothes, such as

6

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

the formal civilian dress, the sports clothing, the attire for
school hikes. The caution here is: Beware of too much
informality.
There is a proper place for your T-shirts and your sweat
shirts; for your loafer shoes and your sandals; for your “fa­
tigue” clothing and your sneakers... but there are two warn­
ing alarms: Don’t overdo it; and don’t do it at the wrong
time or place. For instance, don’t answer the front doorbell
or go to the parlor in your T-shirt.
We must face the fact that the T-shirt is here to stay; that
it is easy to handle; that it is comfortable; that it does save
laundry labor; but it hasn’t entirely replaced the long sleeves.
The correct wear for altar services and preaching is white
shirt with long sleeves. Confine the use of the T-shirt more
properly for “home” wear.
Just one more example may help to clarify this point. When
community walks are taken by the students on hikes in the
country, the informal clothing should not approximate the
“hobo-type.” You are a group of religious students, not an
unsupervised class of juvenile schoolboys. You can enjoy com­
fort and informality in your dress without giving the im­
pression to passersby or neighborhood residents that you arc
escapees from a detention camp. In a word, your dress and
behavior should be mature.

Your Obligation
It follows, therefore, that you owe it to yourself and to
your diocese to dress properly on all occasions. If you believe
that “clothes make the man,” dress so that your clothes will
give that impression. Offbeat clothes will give an offbeat
impression.
Your clothes — like your manners — are apt to be taken
as a key to your character. It’s a foolish criterion, on the

PROPER TRAINING

7

face of it; but on the face of it, what other criterion has the
passing public to judge you by in this frenetic world of first
impressions? How is the public to judge on these community
walks, for example, or at sports events, that you are religious
students and not a teen-age gang?
You are probably more or less familiar with the Rule of
St. Augustine. He sums up this topic in this manner:
Avoid singularity in dress, and strive to please others by your
conduct and not by your clothes. Let there be nothing to
offend the eyes of anyone, either in your gait, your posture,
your dress, or your movements, but let everything about you
be in keeping with the holiness of your state.
(Note: If you have any doubts as to the propriety of your
clothing, a good rule is to consult one or two of your com­
panions. They will readily inform you, but not unless you
ask them.)
Practice: It is a good rule always to wear suit or cassock
when on the “job.” If you get accustomed to T-shirt wear as
a regular practice, when you are in the parish you will prob­
ably follow the same habit. You will meet people at the
rectory door in a T-shirt!
Just one last word on this subject. Your clothes are en­
titled to proper care. Don’t hang your coat on a hook in the
wardrobe. You won’t see the indentation of the hook in the
back of your coat collar, but everybody else will! Use a
wooden hanger to keep the coat in proper shape and use
pants hangers to drape the trousers.

Your Room
In major seminaries ordinarily each student has his own
private room which he cares for himself. In college, rooms
sometimes are shared, but the responsibility for their condi­
tion rests upon the occupants.

8

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Your room will reflect your habits and to some degree
your mind. A fair appraisal can be made of you from the
contents and the condition of your room.
If you wish to keep “out of the hair” of the superior, and
incidentally develop good housekeeping traits, you will air
your room daily, and keep it clean-swept and neat at all times.
Here are a few obvious hints. Of course, if you are inclined
to be careless, or a nonconformist who regards all housekeep­
ing as "woman’s work,” or if you are a radical who deplores
neatness as a sign of weakness, then these tips won’t be valued
by you. But if you are as eager to improve your room service
as you are your golf score or your batting average, then you
can check this inventory.
You should make your bed promptly and properly. Use
the bedspread if you are provided with one.
Mop and dust daily. Your shoeshine kit (a necessity)
should be kept in operative order. Do not use face towels to
shine your shoes, nor use bath towels as mops or dust cloths.
Laundry bags or clothes chutes are provided and should be
used for soiled linen.
Your clothes should be hung in the closet.
Keep room neat and orderly. Dispose of things not needed.
Your desk, table, books, and papers should be systematically
grouped, not a jumble of disorderliness. Get accustomed to
using paper clips or rubber bands to keep related papers
together. Use folders or a file system for permanent records.
If smoking is permitted in the room, the ashes and butts
should be deposited in the proper receptacles and these should
be emptied daily or more frequently.
The proper place for wastepaper and discarded things is in
the wastebasket, not on the floor!
The washstand, if the room is provided with one, should

PROPER TRAINING

9

be spotless at all times; and your toilet accessories should be
kept in the cabinet provided for that purpose.
If a community washroom is used, you should leave the
washbowl clean and dry for the next person. The same princi­
ple applies to common shower baths, soaps, and other ac­
cessories. They should be left in proper usable order. It is a
mark of discourtesy to do otherwise.

Happy Results
In the military sendee of our country' the officials insist on
servicemen being “dressed up” when on public view, and on
living quarters being “policed,” i.e., neat and orderly. The
same standards should apply to those who aspire to sendee
in the priesthood.
If these proper habits of orderliness are acquired during
your formative years, two results will inevitably follow when
you are assigned to active duty:
1. You will never be embarrassed by your untidy room
when the pastor pops in unexpectedly; and the housekeeper
will not complain to him regularly about “that young as­
sistant’s room.”
2. When you stay overnight on your visit to your class­
mate at his rectory, or at a private home when on vacation,
your acquired guest habits will be such that they will bring
commendation from the housekeeper and approval of your
cultural habits from your hostess.

Chapter 2.

POSTURE AND CARRIAGE

Introduction
Closely allied to personal appearance are posture and carriage
— the way you walk, stand, and sit.
You can be precisely neat in dress and exacting in cleanli­
ness, yet the whole effect can be ruined by your indifferent
posture and your graceless carriage.
In walking, first of all, cultivate a proper conscious attitude
toward your bearing. You arc not a military man in uniform
with shoulders rigid and stride measured; nor an actor with
swaggering step; nor a rustic with lumbering gait. You arc a
man of God with a mission to perform. Walk with the dignity
of your calling — with head erect and body relaxed.
Your stride should be a moderate one proportionate to
your height. Shoulders should be even, not humped or one
higher than the other. The head should be erect, not bobbing
or carried to one side; the arm swing should be natural with
the hands exposed. The prospective priest docs not walk
publicly with hands in trousers’ pockets.
Finishing schools still use the “book-on-the-head” method
for acquiring proper walking posture and for ascending or
descending stairs. This mechanical precision is not expected
(nor desired) in a priest. Yet, neither should you travel with
long strides as though in a walking race, nor mince your
steps as though prancing along, nor thump your feet as though
shattering the sidewalk. You should carry yourself as becomes
your profession. Let your walk be dignified and graceful.
10

POSTURE AND CARRIAGE

11

As a child has to be taught to take its first steps, so too
you must acquire the proper techniques if you have developed
careless habits in walking. There must be a conscious ap­
proach to the problem. “Watch your step” is an apt warning
here.

Standing
There really is only one simple rule for standing: Keep
both of your feet on the floor with your bodily weight fairly
evenly divided between them — not rigidly as a military man
at attention, but gracefully at ease.
This is the correct position for you at all times, at church
services, in classroom, before religious superiors, in the pulpit,
with seculars.
Your weight should not be borne by one leg. In the sanctu­
ary (and this is highly important) the back of the chair or
the prie-dieu should not be used to support your arms or
bodily weight.
Such a slumped, crooked, or slovenly posture in church
could easily be interpreted as an indication of your mental
attitude toward the recitation of prayers.
Stand erect in the chapel and at church services. Let your
hands be joined with fingers extended and together. Put left
hand on breast when right hand is in use.
If you acquire this proper bearing in your student days,
you can have assurance that you will give edification to the
people when you perform your priestly offices.

Sitting
Proper seating means that you sit erect, neither sprawling
with extended feet nor slouching with curved back. Both
feet should be placed squarely on the floor.
Crossing your legs when you are in a straight-back chair

12

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

is today generally accepted, but you will never offend by
keeping both feet on the floor.
Chairs, of course, are never tilted back, and feet are not
put on the rungs . . . and you should never sit on a desk or
table, nor should you place your feet on them.
But in our day with the modern furniture in public places
and private homes, you are more or less forced to lounge
as you sit. Modern styled sofas and deep-seated chairs present
a difficult challenge to you for graceful sitting and a gymnastic
problem for arising. The only proposal here is one of sym­
pathy for you when caught in such modern traps and mental
support as you try to boost yourself out of them.

Application of Foregoing
If you develop proper carriage and posture, correct walking
and sitting, you will have acquired approved habits of con­
duct and composure for use both in the sacristy and in the
church before the public.
So when you are before the public observe these regula­
tions:
1. You will walk quietly and with dignity; you will close
doors noiselessly; you will genuflect with hands joined, a
straight back and without reaching for support; you will
kneel squarely on both knees without half-supporting your
body on the rear pew.
2. You will take holy water properly and cross yourself
reverently and thoughtfully with left hand flat on breast.
3. You will keep custody of the eyes in church or chapel.
You will refrain from scrutinizing the laity. Even in the social
code of society it is vulgar to stare at a woman.
4. One rule, easy to remember, sums up the foregoing
succinctly in this sentence: “Let there be nothing to offend
the eyes of anybody, cither in your gait, your posture, your

POSTURE AND CARRIAGE

13

dress, or your movements, but let everything about you be in
keeping with the holiness of your state.”
In all this observance you will be preparing yourself for
the dignified performance of your public priestly functions.
You may be confident that by this proper demeanor ac­
quired in your student days you will give edification to the
people now and when you perform your priestly offices; and
you may, thereby, unconsciously, be of use to the soul of
your neighbor.
The same suggestion is offered here as under “Clothing.”
Take a private inventory of the way you walk, stand, and sit.
Then if you have any doubts consult one or two of your com­
panions. They will confirm or dispel your doubts, but they
won’t volunteer this information. You must seek it.

Chapter 3.

CONVERSATION

General
For you to be a good conversationalist, strange as it may
seem, it is not necessary for you to be a fluent talker.
An essential quality of a conversationalist is that he be a
good listener.
You can make this test: If you closely follow the develop­
ment of the story or the theme being propounded, if you ask
leading questions and make appropriate observations, then
you are a good listener.
This type of listener makes a positive, active contribution
to the conversation, for attentive listening is not a negative
quality. It is an intelligent interest in the speaker and his
subject matter. It displays scope of knowledge, sympathies,
and genuine interest in people.
A good listener is a “rara avis.” You will be one in a
thousand, a man of mark!

Good Listener
A good listener has the ability to draw out the shy or
timid by gently directing the conversation toward the shy one’s
forte, or aptitude, or knowledge. You can learn by practice.
For instance, almost anyone, artisan or artist, talks well
on subjects in which he thinks himself particularly competent,
if he feels you are a sympathetic and interested listener. A
truck driver, for example, could entertain (or instruct) a
sympathetic listener by many road incidents or driving
techniques.
14

CONVERSATION

15

Obviously, do not interrupt. There are two kinds of inter­
ruption. The more obvious one, interrupting the speaker in
midsentence, is easy to avoid; just wait until he has stopped
talking before you start. (And never say, “Have you fin­
ished?” You might as well say right out “I thought you’d
never run down.”)
The other kind of interruption, equally culpable, is often
prefaced by “that reminds me . .or “by the way. . . .” Such
interruptions usually signify a digression or an irrelevancy.
In any event, you have mortally wounded the conversation.
It can never recover.
On the other hand, if you, the speaker, are leading the
way, you should be wary of many pitfalls. They can be
devastating to intelligent conversation. Some of these deadly
traps are given below. Others will readily occur to you, if
you are interested in becoming a good conversationalist.
Avoiding them may keep you from becoming either a boor
or a bore. Someone has aptly said a bore is one who talks
about himself when you want to talk about yourself. So see
that your “I” has overtones of “you.”

Pitfalls
You as a student should manifest a certain maturity and a
manly reserve in talking with older people, especially to older
priests.
You should not blurt out all you think or know or have
heard on your first meetings with the seasoned veterans.
You should not ask senseless questions or feel constrained
to keep up a constant chatter. Think before you talk and think
beyond the subject at hand. That’s the secret of tact.
You should respect the privacy of the older priests — and
reserve a little for yourself. Above all, don’t go fishing for
news. Let them steer the conversation into their own channel.

16

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

And, here a little admonition might save you, when you
become the young priest, some future embarrassment. Refrain
from calling the older priests by their first names, or their
nicknames. This familiarity is properly reserved for their class­
mates, or long-time associates. It is the same principle as your
student days — nicknames of your classmates are reserved to
your own respective groups.
You must avoid personalities in analyzing the speech or
commands of superiors, and avoid attributing improper mo­
tives to their judgments, for frequently you will not know all
the reasons or circumstances which determine these judg­
ments. This “griping” breeds unhappiness. Such reprehensible
talk is not only lacking in social grace but it offends against
Christian charity. Exhibit loyalty and esprit de corps. If you
are trying to make an impression on the older Fathers, you
will succeed much better by your naturalness and loyalty than
by a critical attitude.

Some Other Cautions
There are some other “Don’t’s” in conversation which may
have particular application to you. You can easily check,
privately, of course:
1. Don’t correct another’s grammar or pronunciation in
public, not even indirectly. Even your closest friend will
resent it, and properly so. If your purpose is to be helpful
and not pedantic, conduct your English lesson in private.
2. Don’t say, “Stop me if you’ve heard this . . .” because
no one will ever stop you, even if it is a twice-told tale.
3. Don’t say “huh?” or “What?” or “Pardon me?” when you
mean “What did you say?” or “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you
said.” And don’t use the overworked “Yeah.” Also avoid slang
words, such as, “guys,” “kids,” “bucks.” These utterances
grow on you and they will betray you when least expected!

CONVERSATION

17

4. Don’t use a lot of Latin words or foreign phrases. Ail
the Fathers and students know your linguistic ability. Don’t
strain your language to publicize your foreign travels. They
will know whether you are Rome bound or just returning.
5. Don’t give secondhand opinions or ideas without credit­
ing their source. Sooner or later the idea thief is always caught
in the act — and you will lose face. And these final tips:
6. Don’t be a “know-it-all,” a “show-off,” a clown, or a
quipster. If you are one of these types you will soon acquire
among your more discerning brethren a reputation for super­
ficiality and irresponsibility.
7. Don’t constantly remind your bald-headed or your heav­
ier brethren of their plight. They know it. You drive a sharp
nail into a tender area. Your hammer can do serious damage.

Positive Aids
There are also the “Do’s” as well as the above “Don’t’s.”
Here are a few of them for consideration.
Above all, be natural! You’ve often heard that what you
say and how you say it is a first impression giveaway to your
character and background. It’s a bigger giveaway to pretend
to be something you are not than to be what you are without
apology. In short, affectation or pretense will ultimately dis­
close itself — then you will be stark naked! So be natural. Be
yourself. Be a man. And you’ll be appraised accordingly.
To be an interesting conversationalist you must be relaxed
in your attitude and must display a certain modesty and openmindedness. Do not talk dogmatically, vehemently, or bel­
ligerently in stating your opinions.
A sense of humor can be an excellent quality in conversa­
tion if you possess this precious gift, but “don’t ride the horse
too hard.” Wit can be turned into a sharp sword to pierce the
sensibilities of others.

18

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

The humorist can become so egotistical at amusing others
that he transgresses the bounds of propriety and makes his
classmates and the faculty the targets of his sharp arrows.
A heavy toll in broken friendships, smoldering resentments,
heartfelt wounds, and injured feelings is the price exacted for
uncharitable wit. Don’t use the whip if you ride the horse.
To become a good conversationalist you should try to culti­
vate a pleasing voice; to modulate your tones; to speak with
the correct volume. Never annoy your listeners with loud­
ness or public declamation. Never embarrass other groups in
a recreation room or a public place by your vociferous con­
versation. Regulate your voice to fit circumstances. Do these
things and you will have a pleased audience. Cultivate good
diction. It will help you in the pulpit.

Best Training School
There is much more that makes a good conversationalist
and an attentive listener. The best method for learning these
qualities is by observing oneself — and others — at recrea­
tion. If you wish to improve your conversational abilities you
will find a continuous training school in the recreation room.
Just a final reminder, which shouldn’t be necessary, but
which embarrassing experience has made imperative: watch
your grammar and your pronunciation. If you are one of
those careless, slangy, recreation room expounders more in­
tent upon a laugh than on propriety in speech, you will soon
acquire grammatical blunders and barbarous pronunciations.
These will betray you when you are in a cultured group.
If you think you can, magician-like, shed the harlequin
jargon for the reception room conversation, you are seriously
mistaken. You cannot change colors like a chameleon. So,
cultivate correct grammar and proper pronunciation and you

CONVERSATION

19

will not needlessly embarrass yourself or your brother priests
in public.

Our Obligation
One last word on this subject (without sermonizing):
It is your obligation to be an exemplar in speech, not only
in a negative way by avoiding profanity, but also in a
positive way by using “clean speech.” Vulgarity, excessive
slang, stag-party repartee, off-color stories are not expected
from priests. The sensibilities of the Holy Name man and
those of the general public will be shocked if they hear a
priest use such language.
You will administer this pledge to the Holy Name man:
“I pledge myself against perjury, blasphemy, profanity, and
obscene language.” See that you keep it yourself, in private
and in public utterances.
Do not think that you can use vulgar or profane language
in the privacy of your recreation room, on the sports field,
or where priests gather, or when driving a car, and then be a
model of speech propriety in the parlor, or at public gather­
ings. Your habits will betray you.
“Speech is a mirror of the soul. As a man speaks, so is he.”
You wouldn’t think that a pagan Roman who never had the
advantages of your Christian training said that, but he did! —
Publius Syrus, circa 42 b.c. Times haven’t changed, in this
respect, at least.
Cardinal Newman expressed it this way, in his Idea of a
University (Discourse VII):

The educated man is at home in any society. He has common
ground with any class; he knows when to speak and when
to be silent. He is able to converse, he is able to listen. He
can ask a question pertinently, and gain a lesson seasonably,
when he has nothing to impart himself.

Chapter 4.

ANNOYING HABITS

Introspection
Most of us develop some mannerisms or eccentricities that
displease or even exasperate our associates. We do not advert
to these annoying traits in ourselves but we are quick to
recognize them in others.
For instance, you are quick to recognize a loud, boisterous
laugh in an associate but does it make you introspective?
What about your own type of laughter? It may profit you to
listen a bit objectively to your own laugh — and catalogue it.
Your laughter should be contagious and spontaneous but it
should be controlled. If you are unfortunate enough to have a
high or shrill laugh, suggesting a child’s or woman’s laughter,
you should keep it under strict control. Nor should you in­
dulge in the “horselaugh” or guffaw. You do not have to
“shake down the rafters” in order to display your pleasure.

Some Prohibitions
There are some annoying habits that border on vulgarity.
It is awkward and disconcerting even to mention them, but
they are so besetting and prevalent that they cannot be ignored
completely. If they do not apply to you, be duly thankful.
So here goes — with them all mentioned quickly so as not to
prolong a disagreeable task.
You should never, never do the following: crack knuckles;
drum fingers; whistle, sing, or hum in public; vigorously
scratch head (or any part of body); pick nose; sniffle; clear
20

ANNOYING HABITS

21

throat; cough or spit obtrusively; blow nose offensively with a
trumpet effect — then examine contents of handkerchief after
using it.
Above all, you should try diligently to suppress sudden
involuntary noises such as belching and sneezing. The offense
of open sneezing is an unpardonable breach of social con­
vention. If you can’t reach your handkerchief in time, you
can always at least partially smother the germs in your hand
or clothing. Don’t save your clothing at the expense of your
neighbor’s comfort and health!

Other Vexations
Another disturbing practice is loud coughing in chapel
where we are in close proximity. This is particularly distract­
ing during the singing of Mass, especially to the cantors or
leaders. Such conduct on your part would merit expulsion in
a concert hall!
If you arc one of those unfortunates afflicted with hay
fever, try not to remind your companions at prayer time of
your misery any more than is absolutely necessary.
And finally, there is the matter of yawning, stretching,
unnecessary movement, and shuffling of feet in chapel during
meditation, during class, or at any other assembly. If you
are tempted to indulge in any of these improprieties, just
remember how inconsiderate it is of you to disturb your
brethren at these exercises.

Careless Observance
Other social regulations concerning seminarians in regard
to which you may be inclined to become careless because of
the unusual living conditions in our seminaries and which
may carry over into normal public life, are those relative to
sitting on beds, desks, or tables, wearing hats in the house,

22

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

placing hats or overcoats on refectory tables, slamming doors,
etc. Those things are prohibited by all norms of etiquette.
Note: There is only one way to avoid these little breaches
of propriety, and that is by constant vigilance. If you catch
yourself sitting on a table, get off immediately; if you become
conscious that you have your hat on in the house, take it
off at once. The most disturbing, however, and the most
prevalent fault is slamming doors. This is particularly dis­
concerting during the Grand Silence, after “lights out” bell,
and before rising bells. You have experienced this annoy­
ance many limes, but have you ever been an offender? Take
an inventory and if you find you are a “slambanger,” penalize
yourself by going back and closing the door quietly. You will
soon break the habit. If you fail to hold a door open for a
professor who may be following you (or for that matter, a
fellow student), apologize at once for your thoughtlessness.
The only way you will learn to do the proper thing habitually
is by constant practice until it becomes habitual. Need more
be said?
One more warning: Chewing gum is for the juveniles. If
you must chew it, do so in the privacy of your room, never in
chapel, in class, nor in public. There is nothing attractive
about a cleric with his jaws in constant motion. Do not resort
to the lame excuse: “It is good for the breath and fine for the
teeth.” The answer to that is: there are commercial products
on the market for these specific purposes which are much
better in their results.
The sole reason for even mentioning these social aberra­
tions here is that, like all variations from accepted forms,
if they are not corrected during your formative years, they
will grow into fixed habits of conduct which cannot be
eradicated after you leave the seminary, or in your mature
priestly life.

ANNOYING HABITS

23

A Safe Guide
The reliable prescription against the above unconventional
conduct is the simple one of introspection. For instance, if
you note mentally the disturbing idiosyncrasies of associates,
then an honest and objective examination of your own per­
sonal behavior will quickly disclose whether you arc guilty of
the same social fault. If so, the remedy is obvious and many
of your associates will secretly thank you when they grate­
fully note the change.

Chapter 5.

SMOKING

General
The matter of smoking is governed more by common sense
than by formalized etiquette. Gone are the days when a
gentleman had to ask permission to smoke in a lady’s presence.
Gone, too, are the days when it was considered effeminate to
smoke cigarettes. Today cigars and pipes are more the excep­
tion than the rule.

Comments
Still there are a few comments worth mentioning in par­
ticular. You as a student, seminarian, or cleric, should:
a) Willingly and honestly obey the particular regulation
laid down in your school, college, or seminary.
b) Manfully respect the smoking regulations as to time
and place without attempting to “cut comers.”
c) Restrain that impulse to reach into your pocket for
the crush-proof pack when you are on the street in clerical
clothes. Some people are shocked to see a clergyman smoking
in public. Of course, you may consider them “squares.” Take
what comfort you can from St. Paul who had to write to the
Corinthians, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things
are expedient.” So, don’t smoke on the street ... it is not
expedient.
d) Keep your pipe in its rack at home, not in your coat
pocket. If you are a pipe smoker, you will spare yourself
much unpleasantness and some caustic thinking on the part
24

SMOKING

25

of others if you confine your pipe smoking to your own
room, the recreation room, the camp, your boating or fishing
trip. The reason for this limitation is, again, that it is not
expedient.

Warnings
Here are a few more comments which are worth noting:
1. The student or cleric should not have nicotine-stained
fingers. Such stains will be an offense to some of the people
to whom you will ultimately minister. The prospective priest
who thinks this discoloration is not offensive to others is not
thinking properly.
2. If you are one of those clerics who must have a
cigarette immediately upon rising, or one of those who must
have a “few drags” between classes or exercises, just advert
to the conclusion that you are becoming addicted to a
demanding habit.
3. From a slightly different approach, the observation may
be made that odors are important in forming impressions.
The cigarette or cigar breath (not to mention pipe) is
repugnant to many people.
4. And remember, later on you will serve some people
who will not like to receive Holy Communion from you if you
have tobacco odor clinging to your fingers from that before
Mass smoke.
5. Along the same line of thought, the odor of stale
cigarette, cigar, or pipe smoke will permeate your clothing.
You may not be conscious of this “fragrance” which your
garments exude, but your close neighbor may be disagreeably
affected by it. Of course, if smoking is not permitted indoors
at your seminary this caution is unnecessary.
6. When, however, you smoke outdoors on the seminary
grounds, don’t fitter the walks with butts. A good expedient

26

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

here is the old Army one, of disposing of butts by tearing the
paper, spreading the tobacco and rolling up the paper into
a small wad. It helps greatly in policing grounds.

Prohibitions
Here arc a few warnings given by an authority on this
subject (New Esquire Etiquette)'.
1. Don’t smoke in full view of a three-foot sign saying
“No Smoking.” You may get away with it until the stewardess
reproves you or the guard spots you. But those few quick
drags will cause raised eyebrows and questioning looks in
your immediate periphery. And if you have to be repri­
manded, the scene could conceivably result in much em­
barrassment to you or to your traveling companions. You
don’t want them to explode with the gasoline or oxygen tank!
2. It is best not to smoke in crowds — crowded elevators,
parade crushes, pushing lines of people, but this is, of course,
a matter of safety. There is no convincing way to say “I’m
sorry” as you watch your neighbor go up in smoke.
3. No less binding are the unwritten “No Smoking” signs
you encounter in private homes. Even nonsmoking hostesses,
unless they are violent objectors, usually offer cigarettes or
at least provide ashtrays. But now and then you’ll run into
a place absolutely barren of smoking accessories. That’s your
tip-off — you’d better lay off the weed for the nonce. Give
up as graciously as you can. Next time you can stay home.
4. At the table of gourmets or of conservative and formal
hosts, you are not welcome to smoke during the dinner. Let
the table setting be your guide. If there are cigarettes and
ashtrays at your place, feel free to light up whenever you
like. If not, wait until cigarettes are passed or until the dinner
is over. Even if the makings are in full view, think twice
before smoking between courses among people who carefully

SMOKING

27

savor their food. It is a demonstrable fact that smoke dulls
the palate, and the mere odor of your cigarette will interfere
with others’ enjoyment of the food. This admonition also
applies when you are in a dining car, restaurant, or other
public eating place, especially if you are seated with strangers.
5. When visiting, whether the cigarette is your host’s
or your own, it should be managed with respect for property.
Ashes may indeed be “good for the rug” but let your hostess
do her own spreading. Never put a cigarette down on the
edge of a piece of furniture, even if you’re positive you’ll
remember to pick it up before it scars the surface. And don’t
take it for granted that every candy dish and lamp base is
intended as an ashtray, cither. You may always ask for an
ashtray if none is available, and you may always ask to be
checked on what is and is not an ashtray. You may be sure
that food dishes, coasters, empty fireplaces, vases and grow­
ing plants are not.

Importunity
Try to smoke attractively. Even if you are wearing a
cassock (or a black rabat) there’s no excuse for letting ashes
sprinkle down your front. Almost any mannerism which
makes the cigarette an attached part of you is equally un­
becoming; the cigarette dangling from your mouth while you
talk, or shake hands, or tip your hat . . . the cloud of smoke
which obscures you to the person who is talking to you . . .
the odd bits of tobacco or paper which cling to your teeth,
your chin, or lips ... all these are in poor form. So try to
smoke attractively. You may not succeed, but you can get
an “A” for effort.

Chapter 6.

TABLE MANNERS

Introduction
Your manners at table will be the ultimate criterion by
which you will be judged by others. Your conformity to
accepted standards of proper table behavior will become the
norm for appraisal of your entire social “culture.”
Expressed a bit differently, your table manners will in­
dicate very decidedly what kind of seminarian you are.
Here is one set of circumstances where you cannot plead
“ignorance of the law.” You are simply supposed to know and
to observe the proper amenities. No other single social usage
provides such a pragmatical appraisal of you as the way you
eat. This is evidenced from the amount of space given by
authorities in their books on etiquette to this phase of social
conduct.
This chapter will enumerate some general observations
which will apply to you as a seminarian — at table.
These comments will not be all-inclusive, for the table
arrangement, the seating, the serving, the silent meal with
reading, or the conversation-at-table — all these differ for
the various seminaries and their established customs. Hence,
these observations have different degrees of application to
your specific circumstances. You will have to adapt them to
your particular conditions, but most of them will have general
application.
The cautions and warnings, however, do affect you per­
sonally, irrespective of the special eating arrangements in
your seminary.
28

TABLE MANNERS

29

Cautions
If you are a preparatory student residing at home and
eating at the family table you cannot (and should not) at­
tempt to force seminary table manners on your family. It will
suffice for you to know how to conduct yourself properly at
the home table — and to practice your knowledge as much
as possible — with reasonable consideration for the rest of
your family.
A few examples will illustrate the necessity for this policy.
In this chapter and the following one you will learn (if you
do not already know) that you do not break saltines into
your soup; do not prop your knife and fork between the
rim of your dinner plate and the table cloth; do not butter
a whole slice of bread at one time; do not pick up your
asparagus in your fingers and imitate a sword swallower.
You must practice these regulations regularly and faith­
fully, irrespective of what other members of your family do
in this regard. The reason for this is simple: you become
almost a slave to habit. If you are accustomed to committing
any one of these social faults at home, your habitual conduct
will expose you to critical appraisal when you dine elsewhere
than at the family table.
In other words, your particular training should not be
neglected until you seat yourself in the major seminary
refectory. Your family life and your junior schooling should
include your social culture as well as your scholastic
accomplishments.
You should not, however, set yourself up as a paragon and
make a nuisance of yourself by burdening your family with
your ostentatious display.
It will suffice for you to learn and to observe the rules
yourself. You need not broadcast your knowledge and

30

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

punctilious conformity to the other members of the family.
You will only visibly embarrass them and disclose your own
self-centered traits. Don’t be prissy!
Later on the same caution will apply when you receive
your first assignment as an assistant priest. You, fresh from
the seminary, will be keenly aware of your correct table
etiquette and of your proper observance of it. But (and here
is the caution) don’t try to reform your venerable pastor’s
table manners — either by gentle hint, or by ostentatious
display of your observance.
Mentally note this fact — and accept it realistically — that
no matter how fanatical or zealous you are on this subject of
table manners, you are not going to change the pastor’s table
“rubrics” any more than you are his set way of celebrating
Mass and delivering sermons.
This table experience may be the first real opportunity
you have had for the practical application of that charity,
and fraternal love mentioned in the Introduction to this book,
and which you have been studying theoretically for so many
years — so don’t miss it!
Be humble enough to realize that the pastor will have
ample and just criticism of your incompetence and inexperi­
ence in practical parish matters without your adding “fuel to
the fire” by subtle censorship of his possible table uncon­
ventionality.
In practice it will be sufficient for you to be resolute and
quietly consistent in your table proprieties without attracting
attention by your strained observance of them. You will not
reform the pastor (and again, don’t try). But you would be
startled to know that the pastor will secretly admire the
culture of his new assistant and publicly boast of “my fine
young assistant” to his fraternal peers. Now some other
warnings.

TABLE MANNERS

31

Warnings
In some minor seminaries and in some major ones there
may be deviations from standard practices. But these excep­
tions are not a flaunting of the social regulations. They are
necessitated by sheer utility or by special circumstances.
For instance, the normal table settings of plates and silver­
ware, butter plates, dessert spoons, etc., may not be observed
in your particular seminary. The reason for this is that the
institution simply does not have (and probably cannot afford)
the necessary man power to provide this specialized service.
But you, as an observant student, will note these peculiar­
ities as exemptions from the accepted forms. This advertence
will prepare you to follow the normal procedures in table
manners elsewhere under conventional regulations. If you
know the correct usage these variations will not confuse you
when you meet normal situations.
With this preamble, here are some special comments for
you, the prospective priest.

General Observations
It is easy for you to acquire poor table manners in the
seminary during your secluded years of study, but it is
very difficult for you to overcome them in your active service
years.
Poor table manners can be a real detriment to your priestly
ministry and they can cause acute embarrassment to your host
and hostess when you display them in private homes or in
other rectories.
If you exercise ordinary care during your years of study,
your correct table manners will, to a large extent, become
habitual or second nature.
For instance, later on when you, the priest, are invited to

32

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

a public banquet or to a private home, you will have neither
the time, nor the opportunity to advert to proper table man­
ners or to watch how other guests conduct themselves.
The conversation at the table will so preoccupy your
attention and you will have to become such an active partici­
pant in it, that there will be no time for concentration on
correct table etiquette; hence, it must be ingrained in your
formative years so that it becomes almost automatic in its
subsequent use.

Some Useful Refreshers
It is a normal assumption by your superiors that you
possess at least the rudiments of proper table manners when
you enter the seminary. The following admonishments are
intended as a quick refresher course in what you already
know; a brief stressing of specific minutiae.
1. The proper seated position for you at table is com­
fortably erect; not slouching or slumping.
2. Your best position for your feet is with both firmly
on the floor. Resist the temptation to extend the legs full
length in a straight line.
Your feet may be crossed at the ankles, but never at the
knees; nor should they be entwined around the rungs of the
chair.
This entwining habit may betray you when you are dining
out and cause your hostess some apprehension as to the finish
on her dining room chairs.
The safe and sure method is for you to become accustomed
to sitting with both feet firmly on the floor. This habitual
practice will be insurance against embarrassment when you
are “company.”
Some other “pitfalls” you may need to be reminded of are:

TABLE MANNERS

33

bending your head to meet the food; using your elbows as
pivots to convey food to your mouth, or failing to pass dishes.
Others will be mentioned in their proper place.

Consideration of Others
One of your distinguishing marks as a gentlemanly semi­
narian will be your consideration of your confreres at table.
You in effect will play host to them without fanfaronade or
display. You will always be alert to their needs.
For instance, if you do not wish a service from a dish in
front of you, bread for example, you will not ignore the dish,
but promptly pass it on to your neighbor who may be waiting
for that particular item.
You will be considerate of your adjacent diners. Never
“stock up’’ on bread, cookies, fruit, etc., which are passed to
you from a common dish. More supplies will be furnished
later on during the meal, and if not, then you have an excel­
lent opportunity to exercise virtue.
Show some consideration for your neighbor if the variety
of bread, cookies, etc., is limited when the dish reaches you.
Do not take all the pieces of one variety and leave him no
choice. Limit your selection until another opportunity presents
itself for you to secure additional pieces of your preference.
If somebody at the table, below or above you, has signaled
for a second helping of bread, or any dish, do not interrupt
its course of passage in order to help yourself to an additional
serving. Wait until the first applicant has been served, then
have the dish passed back to you.
If there is a limited amount of food on the common dish
when it reaches you and there are others to be served from
this same quantity, gauge your helping accordingly. Do not
“hog” the favorite delicacy.

34

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

The Left-Handed
If you are left-handed do not rearrange the table setting.
Learn to use your cup and saucer, your water glass, your salad
dish, your bread and butter plate in the right-hand setting.
How you use your knife, fork, and silverware in right or left
hand is immaterial. But you cannot change the table arrange­
ment when you dine out, so become accustomed to the normal
setting at home.

Some Pertinent Points
Be careful of the linens, particularly the table cloth. In
some seminaries plastic covers are used over the linen table­
cloths — a practice which engenders carelessness. Beware
of indifference in this regard.
The napkin (dinner-size in most houses) is placed on your
lap opened in half. Its purpose is to wipe the lips ar-d uigertips. It is never used as a towel to dry your face, or tucked in
as a bib to protect your clothing. At the end of the meal you
return the napkin neatly folded to the napkin ring.
Ordinarily, guest napkins are used only for the one meal.
In such cases the guest casually leaves the napkin partially
folded on the table. If guests are to remain for several meals,
they are supplied with guest napkin rings.
Do not acquire that habit of “polishing” the silverware on
the napkin before the start of the meal. If the silverware is
not clean, quietly indicate to the server to bring you a clean
piece.
If you are supplied (as may happen in your seminary) with
only one knife, fork, and spoon, you must adjust your strategy
to meet this emergency. Just remember that the silverware,
once used, is never returned to the table cloth, but remains
flat on the plate or dish.

TABLE MANNERS

35

Knives and forks are never propped on the side of the
plate. Nothing will betray your lack of social grace so
pointedly as balancing knife or fork on the side of the plate.
It is an affront to any hostess.
Place your knife or fork flat on the plate but toward the
side when not in use. Place them firmly on the plate with the
knife edge turned in when finished.
Here we come to the T-shirt again. Do not push up or roll
up the sleeves of the cassock to expose the bare arms. The
cassock ordinarily will be worn all your priestly life at meals,
so you may as well leam to adjust to it in the beginning.
Begin eating as soon as you are served, if that is the
custom in your seminary. Otherwise observe your special
regulations. Eat at a moderate pace; do not bolt your food,
nor dawdle over it.
Chew silently and with the mouth closed. Nature has
provided the lips with sufficient flexibility, so that they need
not be parted in masticating food.

Conclusion
These detailed warnings may seem to you to be superfluous,
but practical experience has fully demonstrated the necessity
for mentioning them specifically.
In fact, prepare yourself for more appalling details in the
next chapter.

Chapter 7.

THE CONVENTIONALITY
OF EATING

Source Material
Authority for this chapter is the book New Esquire Etiquette
For Men (Lippincott, 1959). The section on Table Manners
is reproduced here with the gracious consent of the editors.
The chapter has been condensed somewhat in this repro­
duction, and some comments added, but the matter and the
form are that of the original text. The style may appear to
some rather flippant and negative, but beneath the light ap­
proach is positive common sense advice about correct table
manners. This chapter can be read for laughs, but the thought­
ful seminarian will read it with discernment and introspection.

Table Manners
When eating, the idea is to do it neatly, quietly, and all
but incidentally. If anything bothers you about table manners,
put the question to these three tests. If the technique (1)
makes a mess, (2) makes a noise, (3) calls attention to the
fact that you are determined to stuff yourself, it’s bad manners.
A fourth general “don’t” assumes equal importance: don’t
be prissy. Don’t cock your little finger or pat-pat your pursed
mouth daintily with your napkin.
The way you eat is a matter of habit. If your unconscious
eating habits are unattractive even your best friend (or closest
classmate) won’t tell you.
36

THE CONVENTIONALITY OF EATING

37

But you can tell; watch yourself for these signs of the
four scourges of the dining table. But also read carefully for
the correct eating habits.
Here art the four scourges: (1) the Slob; (2) the Racket­
eer; (3) the Pig; (4) the Priss. Each will be described in
detail.

Four Horrible Examples
I. The Slob

He ties his napkin around his neck or tucks it into his vest.
The napkin belongs on your lap during a meal, as stated in
the preceding chapter.
Do not permit overseas students or pretentious epicureans
to impress you by citing how the napkin is used in London,
Paris, and Rome. The simple and inflexible rule for you in
the U. S. A. is the napkin on your lap!
He leaves a sample of every course on the rim of his
drinking glass. He sins on two counts; he drinks when his
mouth is not empty, and he neglects to use his napkin before
using the glass.
He makes every mouthful a full course meal in miniature
(and not so miniature at that). Instead, of course, he should
take small bites, chewing and swallowing each bite before he
takes the next.
He should keep separate foods separate on his plate, if
that’s the way they were intended. Sauces and gravies may be
poured directly onto the food for which they were intended,
but jellies, condiments, and all other accessories should be
put on the plate in virgin state, only then to be spread on the
bread or forked onto meat in bite-sized portions.
He forms a bridge from table to plate with his knife and
fork when they are not in use — with handles on cloth, work­

38

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

ing ends propped on plate. Beware of this fault! As stated
before (in the preceding chapter) nothing will betray your
lack of social grace so quickly as this faux pas. Place your
knife and fork flat on the plate when they are not on active
duty.
He spits out anything he doesn’t like. (You don’t have to
eat the inedible, of course, and if you must remove something
from your mouth, first be sure that it bears no resemblance
to regurgitated food, then grasp and remove it with your
fingers — that’s the quickest way. Correctly you could take
it out with the same spoon or fork it went in on, but this
maneuver is too acrobatic for grace in most instances, and
it runs dangerously close to spitting. Actually you can cut out
bones and stones before they get into your mouth. And you
can manfully swallow something that offends your palate.)
He breaks saltines into his soup! As a rule if a cracker
is meant to go into the soup, it is meant to go in whole. But
put oyster crackers first on your butter plate or on the cloth,
then drop them into your soup, whole, a few at a time.
Croutons are spooned directly into the soup. Saltines are
placed on your butter plate and are munched between spoon­
fuls of soup.
Remember, never break saltines into the soup. No other
table fault will catalogue your cultural status quicker than
this one breach of convention. If you have already acquired
this gauche trait “break it” at once before it “turns state
evidence” on you!
He eats messy things with his fingers. The best way to
decide when to pick food up with your fingers is to decide
in advance whether you can do it neatly. Picnics are some­
thing else again, of course, and some foods like lobsters are
messy whatever your modus operandi, but with neatness as
your guide you can’t go far wrong. This neatness guide works

THE CONVENTIONALITY OF EATING

39

both ways: it’s neater to pick up an ear of com than to watch
it skitter across the plate as you try to cut it; it is neater to
leave the hard stalk of asparagus if you can’t cut it with a
fork as you did the tips. And if an approach by hand seems
indicated, as with a sandwich or a piece of fresh fruit, it
is neater to cut it into manageable sections before you pick
it up.
He puts soiled silver on the table. He spoons coffee from
cup into mouth, or leaves the spoon in the cup. He does the
dishwashing or silver polishing at the table. If the implement
is really not clean, ignore it as you would a hair in your soup.
(In a restaurant, of course, you may ask for another fork or
send the soup back. )
He puts his mouth into the food instead of the food into
his mouth. You shouldn’t meet your food even halfway. You
bring it up to your erect head; you don’t duck down to meet
it coming up. He shoves spaghetti into his mouth with loose
ends dangling instead of rolling it on his fork.
He talks with his mouth full; gesticulates and points with
his eating tools; blows on his food, instead of waiting quietly
for it to cool enough to eat; he dunks his toast or rolls into
his coffee.
He cleans his teeth at table — with toothpick or finger­
nail; by sucking at them or by running his tongue around his
teeth, with grimaces.
II. The Racket-eer

He chews with his mouth open, making no attempt to
muffle the noise (or conceal the sight) of his cement-mixer
mastication. He clanks silver on silver, or silver on plate.
He stirs his coffee fiendishly, like a witch standing over a
boiling cauldron, and every revolution of the spoon sets up
a racket. When he puts his knife and fork down, you w'onder

40

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

that the force does not smash the plate. He winds up by
scraping his plate with his fork. And if he’s the “helpful” as
well as the noisy type, his final sin against the cardrums is to
stack his dishes, crashingly.
He slurps his soup. Suction is superfluous — just put the
side of the spoon in your mouth and sip quietly.
He drums on the table, or cracks his knuckles, or chews on
the ice from his water glass, or otherwise sounds off between
noisy bites.
He pushes away from the table at dinner’s end, with both
hands shoving against the table edge and the chair screeching
across the floor. Instead you should reach down and lift the
chair back as you rise slightly.
III. The Pig

He digs in the moment he is served. He knows he doesn’t
have to wait for the hostess, who will be served last, but
he’s apparently too hungry to remember that he should wait
until two or three others at the table have also been served.
(This practice applies when you are a guest at another’s table.
When you are in your own seminary you follow the custom
of your house, as mentioned in the previous chapter.)
He uses a piece of bread, tightly gripped in his hand, to
mop up every last drop of sauce, every last morsel of food.
His plate then looks as if it had just come out of the dish­
washer. If his favorite food is bread and gravy, he may break
off a small piece of bread, drop it into the sauce, then eat the
bread with his fork — but he shouldn’t scrub or mop or use
an unbroken slice of bread.
He spreads butter on his bread in midair and all at once,
as if he intended to cat the whole piece in one bite. Except
in the case of tiny, hot biscuits, bread should be broken and

THE CONVENTIONALITY OF EATING

41

buttered only as needed — in quarters or bite sizes. It should
be held against the rim of the butter plate during the spread­
ing, and not waved all over the place or held chest high.
He cuts up his whole plateful of food at one time, as if
he couldn’t bear to stop eating once he had begun. Unless he
is under ten years old (and we are not) he should cut his food
only as he eats it.
He drinks his coffee and spoons his soup with a loud
sucking noise. He tilts his soup bowl or plate toward him.
Properly, he would tip it away from him, just as — properly
— he would spoon the soup away from him. But this is not
the shortest distance between two points, and the pig is
blatantly starving.
He elbows his way through the meal. When he cuts, his
elbows are like flapping wings. When he eats, his spare arm
serves as a prop, enabling him to eat much faster. Elbows on
the table are “socially acceptable” when you are not eating,
but the safest course is to keep your spare hand in your lap.
While you’re eating, your elbows should be as close to your
body as in a good golf swing.
He gnaws on bones, as if he’s afraid to miss the tiniest
morsel of meat.
He sucks his fingers, on the same sort of compulsion. If
he is so messy as to get food on his fingers, he should use a
finger bowl and/or the napkin, not his lips, to clean up.
He squeezes the last drop of juice from his half grape­
fruit. If you can’t get it out with a spoon it’s out of bounds.
Finally, when he’s finished he pushes his plate away from
him as if to say, “Well, that was good, now what do we
eat?” Instead, he should sit quietly without rearranging the
table, without pushing or tilting his chair back, and without
loosening his belt.

42

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

IV. The Priss
He purses his lips when he eats — in exaggerated “refine­
ment.” He couldn’t look less pleased if he were eating cyanide
or castor oil.
He leaves a little of everything on his plate, in terror of
appearing greedy. What a waste! If he doesn’t intend to eat
it, he shouldn’t take it.
He daintily curves his little finger when using his cup — an
affected gesture of “grace.” His stagecraft is a “dead give­
away” of his interior motivation.
He is always saying that he doesn’t like or “can’t eat”
certain foods. If he is not blessed with a catholic taste, or
a genuine enjoyment of all foods strange and familiar, he
should pretend that he is. The very least he can do is keep
quiet about his allergies and his prejudices.
He is a hesitant, obvious copycat, making everybody else
as nervous as he over which fork to use. It is not that im­
portant! If you can do it unobtrusively, it is all very well to
watch your hostess or more knowledgeable guests to see how
they handle certain unfamiliar dishes. But if your concentra­
tion on the fine points of etiquette is going to make you an
inattentive conversationalist, shrug off your worries. It might
help you to know that silver is placed on the table in the
order of its use, the fork farthest from your plate, on the
outside, being meant for the first fork food, the one on the in­
side for the last. If you are served both fork and spoon for
dessert you may use both (spoon for the ice cream, say, and
fork for the meringue), or you may use the fork to hold the
dessert steady while you cut and eat it with the spoon, or you
may simply use whichever seems more appropriate. The butter
plate and glasses on your right are for you; your salad, unless
served as a separate course, is on your left. But no one worth

THE CONVENTIONALITY OF EATING

43

knowing will care if you use a fork when a spoon was in­
tended, and if you don’t get flustered and apologetic, no one
will even notice.
He is afraid to use a knife on his salad because he’s
heard it’s not proper. If there is a salad knife at his place,
he can be sure that it is not only proper but expected. And if
he can’t manage the salad neatly with his fork alone, it’s
better to use his dinner knife than to emulate a rabbit, with
lettuce hanging out of his mouth.
He transfers his fork from left hand to right after he has
cut his meat, even though it is more natural for him to cat
with tines-down fork in his left hand. Either way of eating is
“correct.” So whether you learned to eat by the Continental
or the crisscross method there’s no point in changing your
style to fit whatever the current fashion happens to be.

In Retrospect
The comments and regulations in this and the preceding
chapter on table manners cover the normal situations that may
arise in the seminary refectory. You will not remember all of
them by one reading any better than you will master the
rubrics for the subdeacon in one session.
If you are convinced of the importance of good table
manners you will do the same thing as you do with your
sacristy rituals — you will read this guidebook over and over;
you will consult it when in doubt; you will be so familiar with
its contents that good table manners become second nature,
force of habit, to you.

Chapter 8.

WAITING ON TABLE

General
One of your important duties as a seminarian is waiting on
table. This task will offer you an excellent opportunity to
develop your character and to practice virtue.
The task is not a menial one. It is a practical application
of the classroom principles of the love of God and the love of
neighbor. It is a “Martha” service to God; it is a fraternal
ministration to faculty or fellow seminarian.
Your mental approach to the assignment and your attitude
toward the discharge of this duty can create an atmosphere
of sunshine or one of gloom. It can affect not only you but
also those you serve.
Your mental disposition should not be that of a reluctant
recruit assigned to K.P. duty, but rather that of a willing
volunteer in the uniform of Christ, eager to be helpful.
You are not a professional waiter expecting a generous
tip for fawning service. You are a seminarian, a man of God,
pleasantly discharging your duty as a part of your ministry.
This attitude will carry over into the services you render as a
priest and make them a labor of love.
This frame of mind, strangely enough, will make your
assignment all the more agreeable to you, and also to those
you wait on. They will be more at ease and less formal or
rigid if you, the waiter, let them realize it is your pleasure
to serve them.
There are several factors which will help you to be an
efficient waiter and an amiable attendant.
44

WAITING ON TABLE

45

Personal Appearance
Personal appearance is very important, for your own
internal confidence and for the impression you create in those
to whom you minister.
You should be well groomed: your shoes shined, trousers
creased, hair brushed, hands and fingernails clean, shirt im­
maculate. If at all possible long sleeved shirts should be
worn. It isn’t particularly conducive to a faculty member’s
appetite to view a hairy, brawny, bare arm placing the food
before him. If you wear a white coat or apron, it should be
spotless, pressed, and properly and neatly arranged on your
person.
Consideration

Your manner of serving and your mental attitude toward
your duty definitely create a magnetic field, a radar system,
which alerts the diner and which can materially affect his
entire meal.
For instance, if you are overly formal and precise in your
bearing, or conversely, if you are indifferent and apathetic
in your manner you can be sure you will not establish a
harmonious bond with those you serve.
You must be interested and responsive to your work, at­
tentive to your duties, and quick to anticipate the diner’s
desires or needs.

Attentive
If you are a thoughtful waiter you will be attentive and
alert to details. You will make a mental inventory of the
table setting to determine if everything is accounted for and
in the proper place. You will be attentive to guests or visitors
to see that they are provided with napkins and complete
accessories.

1

46

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

You will be prepared to meet any emergency, such as
spilled coffee, overturned dish, dropped silverware, etc. You
will remedy the situation quietly and effectively with the least
possible embarrassment to all concerned.

Service for Faculty
The stewards or supervisors of the refectory have already
instructed you and your classmates in the customs and manner
of serving the faculty members in your particular seminary
under your established conditions.
1. The following is merely a “refresher” course.
a) Serve all food from the left.
b) Remove dishes from the right.
c) Pour all beverages from the right. Take the cup and
saucer (or glass) in your hand, stand back from the
table and pour; then return the receptacle to the
table with care.
Note: This method is obviously hazardous. It is more
practical to pour liquids while the cup or glass remains sta­
tionary on the table. Only in the case where the seating ar­
rangement prevents this method is the cup or glass lifted from
the table.
In that case, take the cup and saucer in your own hand
to do the pouring and give it back carefully to the diner.
In no case should you permit the diner to hold the cup and
saucer while you pour. This may result in complete disaster
— scalded thumb, crashing china, and spilt beverage.
In any event, whatever practice is customary in your semi­
nary, you should take care not to spill the contents on the
person, table, or saucer. Be prepared for these risks and if
an accident occurs remedy it as quickly as possible.
Use an extra napkin to absorb as much of the liquid as
possible. Replace the saucer with a clean one, or if none is

WAITING ON TABLE

47

available dry the saucer. If the liquid was spilt on the table­
cloth, spread an extra napkin over the spot and apologize.
2. The sequence of the courses is: first, appetizer, then the
salad, then the main course.
The main course always follows a set pattern of serving:
first the meat, then the potatoes, then the other vegetables.
(The order is easy to remember from the sequence in the
alphabet M-P-V.)
3. When the priest has finished, remove the dishes quietly
and serve the dessert and coffee. Make sure the priest has the
proper silverware for these items. Be careful not to rush the
priest, yet don’t be so slow as to appear negligent.
Some priests may desire their coffee (or tea) with the main
course. If so, readily oblige them, then offer them more with
the dessert.
4. Be attentive. See that the priests’ water glasses are kept
filled. Don’t make them ask you for more beverage or for
additional butter or bread. Anticipate their needs! Keep every­
thing hot!
5. In seeking to determine a priest’s particular wishes re­
garding food or drink, or in determining if he is finished, you
must not startle him from behind his chair by a question
unexpectedly spoken into his ear. First approach the priest
so that he becomes conscious of your presence; ask your ques­
tion once you have gained his attention.
6. Always travel behind the table. The priests may not
mention it, but it is annoying to them for a waiter to con­
stantly cross in front of the table when going from side to
side. Stay back of their backs!
7. Remove dishes from the table quietly. Do not clank the
dishes together, nor stack them noisily. Don’t be a “racket-eer”
waiter.
8. Do not open up a chatty conversation with the priests.

48

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

If they address you answer them respectfully, but do not
make this an opportunity for prolonging the conversation.
9. Be pleasant under all circumstances and under all prov­
ocations. Cheerfulness is contagious. Remember if Father
wasn’t pleased with the food he at least had a pleasant waiter!

Summary
If the foregoing simple procedures arc kept in mind you will
do much to make the meal more enjoyable for the priests.
By your cheerful attitude and your agreeable manner you
may perhaps unconsciously be establishing a fine tradition of
service in your seminary. You may some day be a faculty
member at that very table and reap the harvest you helped
to sow!
If that time does come (when you are a faculty member)
you will find yourself judging the character of the seminarian
who waits on you by the same standards by which you were
judged when you performed similar service. You will find
then that the manner in which a seminarian waits on your
table will afford you a fine objective method of character
analysis. In this duty the seminarian will unconsciously dis­
play his temperament, disposition, spirit, resourcefulness, hu­
mor, cooperation and individuality in his every movement.
So reflect on your attitude now. It may help you greatly in
the future!

Service for Students
What has already been covered applies with equal force to
you who wait on the students. There is less formality, of
course, but the same alertness and efficiency is expected of
the waiters. Here arc some admonitions.
1. One hindrance to efficiency could be prolonged con­
versation among the waiters or with a student being served.

WAITING ON TABLE

49

Save the classroom and athletic field postmortems for the
recreation period.
2. Be alert to your duties. You should know what is ex­
pected of you and you should anticipate situations, especially
emergencies.
3. Avoid clumsiness with concentration and confidence.
Learn your job of waiting as you would any other task. Your
mental attitude, as mentioned before, could be responsible
for your ineptness.
4. Be obliging and patient with the students. The waiter’s
temperament has a definite effect, for better or worse, on those
at the table.
5. Do not hurry the students at their meal by removing
the dishes too quickly. Allow a reasonable time for the slow
eaters and for those who relish their food.
6. Set an example of fraternal teamwork and cooperation
by sharing any extra duties and assisting in emergencies
caused by accidents, so that no one waiter may be over­
burdened while you stand by nonchalantly.

Students’ Cooperation
The students being served by their fellow seminarians also
have their obligations, such as
1. Be helpful and considerate of the waiter. He is not a
“hired hand,” but a fellow student performing his assigned
duty.
2. Be reasonable in your requests of the waiter. He has
his limitations and he has others to serve.
3. Do not hesitate to request but never demand service
from the waiter.
4. Always keep in mind that soon the situation may be
reversed and you may be the waiter. Do unto the waiter as
you would have him do unto you when you serve.

Chapter 9.

TIPPING

General
Let’s face it: Tipping is here to stay. No matter what your
personal feelings (or attitude) may be about tipping, you
will not change the system. It’s been with us a long time and
it’s “still going strong.” The only practical result you will
achieve by a reformist attitude is to lose face for yourself and
indirectly for your clerical fraternity.
Rugged individualism in this matter will accomplish nothing
except dark looks and mumbling undertones. Oh, yes, one
thing more: a retentive memory by the waiter or barber, or
any service man when you do a repeat performance.
So contain yourself for there is no moral issue involved.
Put a padlock on your lofty principles, remove it from your
pocketbook, and resign yourself to the system. No matter
how you fight back you can’t win, so don’t drag your heels
in this matter or cause visible embarrassment to your guests.
Moreover, and this is the clincher: You, the seminarian
(or the priest), are expected to be a generous tipper. How this
conclusion was reached is immaterial — it is a working fact
in social situations. So you will impair the dignity of the
clerical state if you show yourself parsimonious or “against”
the system.
Yet, on the other hand, you must not be so liberal in your
tips as to give the impression that priests abound in wealth.
There is a theological principle which is a good guide in this
matter: “In medio stat virtus.” Don’t swing to either extreme.
50

TIPPING

51

In our day and age tips have become fairly well standard­
ized, at least there is a low and a high ceiling — a flexible
range in which you can operate with mental (and financial)
poise. Just where you calibrate on this scale will be deter­
mined by your technique and your latitude. But, again, don’t
jeopardize the par value of the clergy stock in this market.

Some Valuable “Tips”
Don’t overtip ostentatiously; you embarrass your guests and
even the waiter — not by the amount but by the showmanship.
The proper way to tip is for you to do it privately and
quietly, but graciously, even if it hurts you. Look the waiter
in the eye with a smile and say “Thank you” as if you meant
it — which you should.
If the service performed for you (whether in the dining
room or elsewhere) is “beyond the call of duty” you may
show your appreciation by a larger tip than is normal, but
do it without ceremony, yet with sincerity.
In reverse: Don’t undertip. You save money but you lose
face. Even if the service you received is not up to standard,
the least you can tip is the minimum-norm, the low ceiling.
This is the only way you can register your disapproval of the
service — by withholding the extra tip you would have given
for efficient and pleasant service.
Comment: And here is a gratuitous tip for you: Don’t
complain publicly about the service to the waiter or to the
one who renders the service to you. It will accomplish nothing
tangible. The deed is done. Your complaint will not remedy
matters.
You will only attract unfavorable attention to your party
and embarrass your companions especially the ladies, if they
are present.
If you have a justifiable major complaint about the food

52

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

or the service, take the matter up with the management —
and do it quietly and with self-control.
The most effective method of registering your displeasure
is the withholding of your patronage — you don’t have to go
back to that particular establishment.
(This comment is an “interlude” . . . now back to the tips.)
One more don’t: You know that some tips are subtle
extortion, but don’t try to reform the “racket.” The quarter
you give the hatcheck girl, you know she doesn’t get a cent
of it; the money you give the boy who “watches your car” at
a sport’s event, you know he doesn’t put an eye on it.
But these and many other crafty “pulls upon the purse”
must be borne with silent resignation. If you don't conform
you arc termed a “tightwad” or a “hick.” Maybe the label
won’t bother you much, but it will be extended to include all
the members of the cloth — and you don’t want to be re­
sponsible for that development.
If you are in doubt whether a tip will be expected or re­
jected, offer the tip as if you were asking a favor. The rule
here was laid down by a serviceman: “The only reason any­
one is ever ‘insulted’ by a tip is because it’s not up to their
standard of what a tip should be.”
The price of tipping, like all prices, is going up as the
purchasing power of money declines. For example, the pastor
used to give the little boy a penny for running to the corner
for the evening sports edition of the paper, now it costs you
a nickel. The shoeshine boy gets a ten-cent tip today where
in times past that was the cost of the service itself.
So resign yourself to the inevitable, for the size of tips is
spiraling with the cost of living. The movement of prices has
always been upward and there is no economic or social reason
to predict that it will reverse itself. A rough and a safe guide

TIPPING

53

today for most situations you will meet in your regular routine
is a 15 to 20 percent tip on the total of the charge.
A situation may arise where you have received exceptional
service, or when you may have asked for some special atten­
tion. In either case the tip may be increased proportionately to
your appreciation, yet it should never suggest the lavish or
reckless spender. Waiters and other employees have a nicely
balanced sense of fitness. You may pamper it but don’t
distort it.

Practical Application
There is no necessity of detailing here the scale of tipping
situations you will meet when you leave the seminary and
enter upon your normal priestly life. You probably won’t
remember them for that length of time, and by then the scale
may have climbed to aerial heights — today’s values will
probably be obsolete by then.
However, if you are speculatively interested in present-day
standards you will find them compiled in the New Esquire
Etiquette for Men, which should be available in your library,
certainly in the public library. Just look up the Index under
“Tipping.” It covers the normal situations you will meet, as
well as the unusual, at clubs, golf courses, weekends, and
many other situations.
If you have ambitions for foreign study there is a special
section in that book for the system in effect abroad, on the
continent and elsewhere, on the ocean liner that takes you
across, and the many outstretched hands you will encounter
when you get through customs. These gratuities differ radically
in many cases from our local customs. The important warning
here is do not use your own U. S. scale of tipping (or trust
your own judgment) in foreign situations. Consult your host,

54

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

or experienced traveling companion, or other foreign author­
ity, when you are confronted with this different situation of
values. You may save yourself and the members of your group
much embarrassment (and loss of face) by ascertaining ex­
actly what is expected of you under given circumstances.
Mention may be made here, however, of one situation you
may encounter during your student days, namely, taxicabs.

Taxicabs
The minimum amount you give a taxi driver is 50 cents,
even for taking you around the corner.
The normal scale for metered service today is about a 20
or 25 cent tip for each $1 ride.
If the driver gets out of his cab to lift your bags or give
some other extra service, your thanks may be shown in a
larger tip. Or if he has waited for you over a few minutes
without meter running, you may indicate your appreciation
in your tip.
No Show: If you telephone for a cab and then change
your mind, you are required in all fairness to reimburse the
driver when he arrives for the “no show.” He has spent his
time and mileage in coming to your address. Moreover, if
you fail to pay for the "no show" you jeopardize the semi­
nary’s reputation (or the rectory’s) with the cab companies
and future calls from the same address may have difficulty
getting prompt service. An amount of 50 cents is about right.
Note: This "no show" carries over into air and train
reservations. If, for instance, you have an airplane reservation
and the weather becomes threatening and you decide to take
the train, you are in all fairness obligated to cancel the unused
space, so that it may be available for some "standby" who
desires occupancy but can’t get it unless you release your
reserved space. At present the air lines are charging a per-

TIPPING

55

ccntage of the fare, from five to forty percent, in fact, for
“no show.” So keep this in mind too.

Credit Cards
Travelers, today, carry little cash but many Credit Cards
and Travelers Checks. You can charge your gasoline, your
flight fare, your railroad expense. You can sign for your
motel, “say it with flowers,” or send gifts.
In the dining room no money changes hands. You can dine,
wine, and tip without cash. You sign for the meal and write
in the amount of the tip for the waiter.
This, for the present, is a purely academic supposition for
you, the seminarian. It will, however, become practical when
you have acquired more maturity and rank, more girth and
bank balance.
Then a psychological phenomenon will take place. The
added prestige of “signing for it" instead of “paying now”
will lift you out of the normal 15 to 20 percent tipping class
and you will pencil in a tip in the 25 to 30 percent bracket.
It will be painless.
The reaction will set in later on — when you receive the
statement for your splurge and get out your checkbook.
Maybe it was worth it!

Chapter 10.

SPORTS

Introduction
You can put it down as axiomatic: In all sports, indoor and
outdoor, the American boy of all ages (and the seminarian
minor or major) is out to win. This “win” urge carries over
into adult sports, whether it is cards or chess, bowling or
boating.
You meet this competitive spirit at all levels from the
grade school boy to the professional athlete. And for each
sport there is one elemental unwritten law of sport conduct:
“Ignorance of the rules is no excuse.”
For instance, anything that looks like cheating, or has the
appearance of sharp practice, according to the code (even
though you are inexperienced with the behavior pattern) will
change your reputation from “First Class” to “Poor Sport.”
The punishment for your violation of this unexpressed code
will be immediate and irrevocable: You will be labeled as a
“wrong guy.” You can never live it down; there is no court
of appeal from this verdict. No extenuating circumstances;
no beginner’s mistake; no error of judgment may be pleaded
— the verdict is final. The reasoning is simple: “You are
supposed to know the code before you play.”

The Rigid Test
Even you, the seminarian, when you play away from your
own campus, will not escape this irrevocable judgment, if you
break the code of the game, either through naïveté or ignor56

SPORTS

57

ance. And your friend, or sponsor, at the club or park, will
not defend you, or excuse you. He will only be visibly em­
barrassed that you have violated an unwritten law. You will
be in the “doghouse” for keeps; you will be a “wrong guy”
with that group. You will not be welcomed to their circle a
second time. So the moral here is: Learn the rules and observe
the code before you play. You can’t make “honest” mistakes
in sports.

Many Sports
In the seminary, and even out on the firing line, it is mani­
fest that you can’t learn the fine points of proper observance
in the numerous sports available to the public — and this
is not expected now or later. All the accepted code demands
is that you know the behavior pattern of your favorite sport
in the seminary and afterward when you play it as a priest.
Then again, not all seminarians are of the outdoor athletic
type. There are those who prefer the indoor games, bridge,
chess, checkers, bowling, billiards, etc. But here again each
contest has its own peculiar behavior code which you are
presumed to know before you enter into competition within
or outside the seminary.
Incidentally, bridge has its own special rules of behavior
which differ from those of other card games and competitive
sports. Bridge is an exception to the general rule.

Learn the Code
Obviously the details of these various behavior codes can­
not be covered in this treatise. You will have to look elsewhere
for them. One excellent source which covers many of them
in compact form is New Esquire Etiquette for Men. This
book has a section on Sports — from billiards to golf; from

58

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

horseback riding to yachting, and the proper etiquette for
them and for club membership.
Golfing at a private club, member or guest, for instance,
involves quite a different pattern of behavior than on a fee
or public course. The emphasis here is that you must be
thoroughly conversant with the particular sport code before
you deal a hand or bait a hook. If you are in doubt, check
with your sponsor before you serve a ball or tee up. It may
save your reputation as a sportsman and you may be invited
back. Now for your seminary sports.

In the Seminary
Your seminary outdoor games are strictly intramural, such
as baseball, basketball, volleyball, hockey, touch football, etc.
The type of game and style of play may differ in various
geographical locations because of circumstances, popularity,
and other causes. But the behavior pattern is constant.
Moreover the seminarian’s outdoor games have an addi­
tional motivation over and above the “win” motivation of
competitive sports. You, the seminarian, have the physical
fitness element in mind — at least your superiors have — “a
sane mind in a sound body” — as befits your future activity.
You, aside from the physical development, have another im­
portant objective, through your group activity. It is to “relate”
yourself with your classmates; to learn the practice of “give
and take” in games; to observe the code of gentlemanly con­
duct in sports; to be a good loser and a graceful winner.
Your real character, your manliness, your justice, your
square dealing, will all disclose themselves in play. There is
no better place for exhibiting your seminary training than
the athletic field. Here you will learn and practice the un­
written law of proper sports deportment. This knowledge and
practice will prepare you for proper participation in public

SPORTS

59

sports, be it pitching horseshoes, swinging golf clubs, or shoot­
ing rabbits. Your companions will joyfully label you “a right
guy·”

During the Summer
During your own training period in the minor or major
seminary your summers and vacation periods will be spent
at home, in summer school, or at work, but you probably will
engage in team sports with local groups. In your earlier days
it will be your regional popular team sport, baseball, hockey,
basketball, etc. When you are more mature it may be golf,
tennis, or some other individual sport.
In any event you will bring to your recreation the principles
of fair play and good sportsmanship which you have learned
and practiced in your seminary games. You will not stoop
to any questionable practices which may be in vogue in that
community, or which may be used by your local groups. At
all times you will be a true sportsman and a considerate
gentleman. Your conduct will be under observation and you
will by your example reflect credit upon the institution you
represent — your seminary.

Principles and Practice
Don’t let all that has been said already in this chapter dis­
courage your athletic ambitions. Observing the behavior code
of your favorite sport will not make you a champion, but
the practice of its ethics will be invaluable to you when you
receive your first parish assignment. The venerable pastor has
probably been waiting eagerly for your arrival, so that he
can at once divest himself of the school’s athletic program
and hand it to you, the sturdy young assistant, so enthusiastic
about sports (according to the bishop’s report). And if you
make good he may even reward you with his old set of golf

60

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

clubs and arrange guest privileges at his exclusive country
club.
In all probability the boys have been even more anxious
than the pastor to have an active leader and “coach.” Now
your behavior pattern of propriety on the athletic field and
your ideals of sportsmanship and fair play will have a practi­
cal test in your inspiration of these eager beavers. Your own
training on the athletic field at the seminar)' will begin to pay
off. You will teach them the unwritten law of sportsmanship.

The Unwritten Law
You have probably been wondering, “Well, what are these
unwritten laws? Name some of them!” You can’t be blamed
for your impatience. To enumerate them may sound like
“sermonizing" but that is not the intent. Here goes: all these
examples which follow apply particularly to golf. The un­
written rules, however, have general application.
1. Never cheat in a game, for first of all it is culpable and
you will later on probably hate yourself for doing it. Resist
the temptation to lift the ball out of the rut or to tee it up
in the rough. Also count that “practice” stroke behind the
tree when you dubbed the shot.
If you need another deducible conclusion it is: you won’t
get away with it. Your opponent probably will be too gentle­
manly to challenge you, but he surely will not play with you
again; or if he has to, because of group pressure, you will be
“suspect” and there will be no fun in the game.
2. Don’t be a hypocrite. This goes two ways: if you win,
don’t play it down; that’s what you were trying to do all the
time — win. So accept the triumph gracefully and modestly.
Talk about the game itself rather than your victory. Sympa­
thize with the loser on his bad luck at the critical turn of the
game. Don’t replay that long putt on the fifteenth green; how

SPORTS

61

you lined it up; how you gave it the proper curve angle — he
saw it the first time.
On the other side, if you are the loser, don’t alibi for your­
self. You are supposed to have played your best (you can’t
even be suspected of letting down). Compliment the winner
gracefully and really mean it. If you haven’t played your best,
then you haven’t been honest with your opponent and his
victory will be ashes. Leave out the postmortems.
3. Don’t talk the game — play it. One of the worst pests
in golf (or any game) is the chitchatter, the prittle-prattler,
who keeps up a constant stream of small, irrelevant chatter
until you almost drown in the ensuing flood of words. If
conversation or a monologue is your purpose you had better
stay home and practice it on the tape recorder. Your opponent
may take his game seriously, he may diligently be trying to
improve it; he may want to concentrate on his approach shots,
for instance. Let him set the conversation pace. If you have
taken him out to the golf course to wheedle a favor out of
him, you’d better turn off the pointed conversation until you’re
on the nineteenth hole. You’ll have a better chance and a
more receptive listener.
4. More briefly, but not less important are these unwritten
laws:
Apologies: Leave them at home, don’t bring them to the
golf course. If your handicap is the maximum the other
players will know what to expect of you. Just do the best
you can without flagellating yourself or verbally thumping
your breast.
Temper: Keep it under control. If your game is off, or
your breaks bad, remember losing your temper is much worse
than losing a ball — or a friend.
Advice: To other players. Give it when asked, but don’t
be too free with it. Let your opponent play his own game,

V*

62

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

and make his own mistakes. You’re not the pro, you know.
Your friend is not taking a lesson, he is playing a game.
Clowning: Don’t try to be a buffoon. Your opponents are
not on the fairways to be entertained. If you are using your
clowning to cover up your poor game, your behavior is dis­
courteous. You are supposed to play your best. No playful
or jocular conduct will be accepted as a substitute.
Bets: If (after you are out of the seminary where gam­
bling is forbidden) you bet on your game, pay up immedi­
ately. If you do not want to play for stakes, say so in the
beginning, but do not welsh on your gentlemanly contract
once you have agreed to it. Don’t quibble. You got yourself
into it.
Respect: Treat the golf course and its equipment with the
same careful consideration you give to your own clubs. Re­
place divots, respect the greens.
The above is an attempt to put in print what every semi­
narian should know instinctively from his general training.
The list is suggestive rather than comprehensive. If you find
yourself in a situation where you are doubtful as to the correct
procedure, then do the gentlemanly thing, the considerate
thing, and you won’t go wrong very far. But don’t lose your
temper; don’t play rough; don’t break your clubs ... it wasn’t
the club’s fault.

Your First Assignment — The Boys
After you have mastered the unwritten laws — and your­
self, after they become a part of your “second nature,” you
will have more confidence when you approach your assistant’s
assignment in the parish with the big school. You will be
more effective in passing on your experience and the un­
written principles of sportsmanship to the eager boys. You

sports

63

will know from having lived it yourself how to teach them
true sportsmanship.
They will learn many things from you. Among them will
be that the true sportsman is a good loser and a gracious
winner; that games are won by teamwork; to play hard but
fair; to play “heads-up”; to take advantage of the other team’s
mistakes or fumbles; to outsmart them, but not to resort to
sharp practices; to be loyal to their team and their school.
These boys will learn from you not to try to get away with
everything they can because they think the referee doesn’t see.
You will teach them that such boys display poor sportsman­
ship and they penalize their team when they do get caught;
that courteous boys observe all the written rules of the game
as well as the unwritten law of charity; that consideration of
others is the final test; that “athlete’s Head” is much more
serious than “athlete’s Foot”; not to be an “alibier” or a
“boaster.”

The Final Test
Finally, the way they play, as you know, will be a greater
proof of their character training than their conduct in any
other school activity. Teach them to keep their heads; to be
gentlemen under all circumstances. You, the new assistant,
will teach your grade school boys these and many other un­
written rules. And you will love doing it; it is a part of your
apostolate.
You probably won’t advert to it directly (certainly the boys
won’t) but sports can and should be a means for them to
acquire many natural virtues, such as fortitude and courage,
patience and perseverance. And you the coach, seminarian,
or priest, must fulfill your apostolate in this respect by ex­
hibiting these qualities yourself before you can impart them

64

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

to the youngsters. With impressionable boys “example speaks
louder than words.”

The Reward
Then when they are ready for high school (or the junior
seminar}') they will have learned self-control, gentlemanliness,
and consideration of others. Your patient and slow sowing of
the seeds of proper sportsmanship will sprout and ripen in
their future athletic endeavors. They will reap the harvest of
your planting of the unwritten code — both athletically and
scholastically; as present gentlemen and future adult citizens.

Chapter 11.

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

At Home
If and when you, the junior seminarian who lives at home,
become sick or incapacitated, so you are unable to attend
classes and must remain home, house confined, it normally
becomes the duty of your parents, or guardians, to assume
the responsibility for your care during your sickness and for
your convalescence during your recovery period.
They will be guided in your treatment by their experience
in these matters and by the instructions of the physician if it
is necessary to request his services.
The parents will advise the proper seminary authorities as
to your illness, its character, and its probable duration. The
authorities, in turn, will make whatever arrangements they
deem proper for your home study during this period.
If you should become ill at the school, or meet with an
accident there, and are sent home, you should be perfectly
frank and candid with your parents in reporting the full
details. It is false reasoning for you to attempt to disguise
the facts in order to save your parents from worrying. The
plain unvarnished truth in the matter of illness or accident is
the only sensible course to follow with them. Then it will be
possible for your parents to arrange for the proper treatment
or professional consultation. Then your parents can keep the
seminary authorities informed, for they are vitally interested
in your condition.
You will be in good hands when you are ill at home. We
65

66

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

are concerned here with sickness when it comes to you away
from home — at the seminary when you reside there. This
phase of your possible illness or accident has several aspects
which must be considered.

At the Seminary
When you catch a cold, develop a fever, have any illness,
meet with an accident, if you are like most healthy young
seminarians, your thinking becomes a bit warped at this new
experience.
You will become introspective and inclined to consider only
yourself and your comfort to the exclusion of the infinnarian
and the community, the doctor and the hospital. Let us con­
sider each of these categories in order.

Your Attitude
Your first reaction when sickness comes will pr<
.y le
either that of a martyr bravely carrying your cros.. of in­
activity, or that of the prisoner (confined to room or hospital
— in “isolation”) through no fault of your own, separated
from your companions, your community and all its exercises.
You’ll feel sorry for yourself.
Resist the temptation to resort dramatically to heroics and
bravado. Remember “heroics” may be dangerous if the illness
covered up is serious. “I’ll not go to bed or to the hospital.
It's a waste of time. I don’t want to miss classes. I’ve thrown
off colds before. I’m strong! I can take it!”
But you’ve missed the point. Maybe you can take it, but
can the community take it? Consideration of others is the first
rule of etiquette, and charity is the bond that unites us in the
seminary. Remember that you live in a community, and its
welfare and its health are the first considerations. The mem­
bers of the community, generally speaking, will observe the

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

67

“bonds of charity” and will be understanding and considerate
of your illness. But you must exercise the same charity.
The correct attitude for you when sickness comes was pro­
nounced by an ancient Roman, quoted once before, Publius.
It has become a popular maxim with the moral theologians
through the ages. “No one should be the judge in his own
cause (or case).” The seminary authorities and the physician
are the ones to pass judgment on your illness, its diagnosis,
and its treatment.
Hence, according to this rule, the question of staying up or
going to bed, of isolation or hospital, for your ailment is not
your decision, it is rather your obedience.
Just because you are miserable physically and disgruntled
at your confinement to quarters or to the hospital is no reason
why you should vent your displeasure on the infirmarian, the
community, or the doctor. Earn some merit from the un­
pleasant situation by offering it up.
Try to be cooperative with the infirmarian, the doctor, and
with visitors if they are permitted. Share your pleasure with
them, but not your afflictions.

The Infirmarian
Infirmarians are selected by the seminary authorities with
consideration for their ability to discharge the responsible
duties of this assignment. The infirmarian is not a licensed
physician (nor does he pose as such) but he is definitely an
experienced colleague and he should be respected as one with
authority to care for the sick.
The infirmarian is thoroughly conscious of his diagnostic
limitations, but he is also perfectly aware of his ability to
determine whether your indisposition will respond to local
treatment or whether you should consult a physician. He is
a competent “liaison officer,” an intermediary, who should be

68

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

respected for his official standing and for his sane judgment.
So you should consult the infirmarian when you require
medication or bandaging. Do not diagnose your own case, nor
prescribe for it. Do not try to cure yourself. Do not “shop
around” among your classmates for proposed remedies. Go
to the infirmarian who is experienced. He may save you much
unnecessary suffering from “quack" medication or improper
external applications. He will be able to determine whether
you need the services of a physician or a surgeon.
When sickness comes to you inform the infirmarian
promptly of your indisposition. If you arc unable to get out
of bed, have one of your companions notify the infirmarian,
so he may take proper action: inform the superior, notify the
house physician, or call an ambulance if it is an emergency,
such as threatened appendicitis, or some crisis where time
is of the essence.
If, however, you are on your feet, but indisposed, you must
seek out the infirmarian, inform the superior, or consult a
physician. You should not try to evade it by attempting to
delegate it to the infirmarian. His duties do not extend to such
personal responsibilities. These obligations belong to you
personally and they are not transferable to the infirmarian.
In this connection your attention might also be called to the
fact that the infirmarian is not an “appointment" secretary.
Don’t ask him to make your doctor or dental appointments
for you. These personal engagements should receive your
private attention. Incidentally, have your regular dental care
during vacation. Again, this is your personal responsibility.

Medical Supplies
The infirmarian has charge of two types of medication:
general and specific. They are usually kept in a medicine
cabinet or closet available to the seminarian.

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

69

General items, such as anacin, aspirin, bufferin, sodium
bicarbonate, gauze dressings, band-aids, adhesive tape, ab­
sorbent cotton, etc., are for common use and may be utilized
freely by you, but see “Warning” below. However when you
empty a bottle, or use the last of a dressing, you should
make proper provision for calling attention to that fact, so
that replacements may be supplied promptly.
Specific items in the medicine closet generally include
such standard preparations as dermassage, liniments, oint­
ments, laxatives, boric acid, syringes, heat pads, etc. These
are for common usage but not for personal appropriation.
If you take any of these items to your room you should
return it promptly to the cabinet, or the infirmarian should
be notified where it is in use. It just might happen that the
infirmarian might have urgent need of that particular article
which you have appropriated to yourself.
Warning: Your use of such items as aspirin, anacin,
cathartics and similar “home remedies” should be occasional
and moderate. The tendency among some seminarians, as
observed by physicians, is to use these drugs excessively and
over an extended period.
If you find that you are making regular and frequent trips
to the general medicine closet then you need professional
advice. You should acquaint the infirmarian with your specific
condition and he in turn will determine whether the physician
should be consulted.

Special Situations
The specific regulations for visiting the sick vary in dif­
ferent seminaries. In some seminaries there are infirmaries or
isolation wards; in others there are sick sections; in some
confinement is to the seminarian’s own room.
Whatever is the special arrangement in your seminary for

70

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

the sick you will have your own visiting regulations. These
rules should be observed rigorously. This is particularly true
in isolation cases or epidemic times.
What is said here is intended to be suggestive to the “well”
seminarian in the way of being helpful to the infirmarian and
comforting to the patient, but it must be interpreted in con­
sonance with the particular regulations of your own seminary.
In times of epidemic, flu, or a number of seminarians sick
in bed at one time, you should give some thought to the
overworked infirmarian. The following suggestions will aid
him, help the sick, and increase your own self-respect if you
put them into action — all in accordance with your particular
regulations:
a) When several of your classmates are room confined,
offer to carry one or more of the meal trays.
b) If a colleague has been sick for some time, offer to
change his sheets and linens and to air his room while he sits
in a chair. Both he and the infirmarian will appreciate your
thoughtfulness.
c) Offer to take over the duty assignment of the sick
seminarian.
d) In your charity visit the sick brethren. Make all visits
brief especially if he has the flu, cold, or contagious disease.
The visit may be a bit longer if it is a sprain, post operation,
or broken bone case. But do all in accordance with your
local regulations and do not prolong the visit.
e) Do not visit in large groups. The resulting noises and
excitement may be bad for the patient and the fresh supply
of air needed by the patient may be exhausted.

The Community
It is a common misconception for you, a seminarian, to
think you are doing the community a favor by remaining in

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

71

its midst with a bad cold, or other infectious or contagious
disease. This fallacious reasoning works two hardships: to
you and to the community.
Your failure to take proper early precautions for your
malady can easily result in a secondary infection, a serious
sickness, and a prolonged recovery. It is a shortsighted policy
to neglect early symptoms — nature’s warnings.
Your failure to give proper consideration to the community
by secluding yourself when you have a contagious cough or a
sneezing cold may have serious effects on others from contact
with you.
In addition to the hazard of infecting others, you render
the members of the community uneasy by your noticeable
misery and by their apprehension of catching your germs.
The safe and the sane thing to do is to report to the
infirmarian or the superior and then follow the advice given.

The Physician
It is well for you to remember that when the physician is
called in you are requesting the services of an expert. He
should be treated as an expert and his opinions and instruc­
tions should be followed accordingly.
You, as a seminarian, will receive the very best medical
and surgical skills obtainable. Often some of these experts in
their professional field have made their sendees available to
the seminary on a gratuitous basis as a part of their contribu­
tion to the service of humanity. These professional men
recognize the kindred service the Catholic priests are render­
ing and this is a reciprocal relationship.
If the doctor orders bed, hospital, or isolation, he is doing
what in his expert opinion is best for your speedy recovery and
for the community’s welfare.
Be faithful in taking the medicine prescribed at the ap­

72

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

pointed times. The pills in the box or the medicine in the
bottle will not improve your health unless taken internally
— no matter how disagreeable the results may be. Follow
the doctor’s instructions carefully. Do not prolong medication
or convalescence beyond the specified time.
Warning: Today there are many potent medications avail­
able to the medical profession. For your particular need your
physician may prescribe one of these “miracle” drugs. How­
ever, frequently these drugs produce oblique effects. If the
remedy prescribed for you produces disturbing side effects,
or if a favorable response docs not occur in the expected
time, your physician should be informed of the facts.
This information is important to your physician and he
will appreciate your disclosure. It will enable him to pre­
scribe a different medication and to follow up your progress
report more accurately.
Get up at once when the doctor orders you to do so. In
neither case — going to bed or getting up — are you a com­
petent judge in your own case.
Take the exercise prescribed, keep the diet ordered, re­
build your strength properly. Return to regular schedule,
meals, classes, etc., as soon as possible. In other words, do
not pamper yourself, but cooperate fully with your doctor.
The Hospital

When you are admitted to a hospital, remember you are a
patient requiring medication and treatment, not a guest at a
luxury hotel.
Today hospitals are overcrowded and the accomodations
may be limited. Accept cheerfully what is available, whether
ward, semiprivate, or temporary quarters.
If you are fortunate enough to secure a private room, show

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

73

your appreciation by obeying the regulations. Do not make
a nuisance of yourself by demanding extra and superfluous
attention.
If there is a telephone in your room (and there usually is)
use it sparingly and mostly for emergency purposes. Do not
use it for lengthy visits to your friends or relatives (you tie
up one of the hospital’s switchboard lines), nor for endless
demands upon the telephone operator or the staff.
Treat your nurses with uniform courtesy. Remember these
nurses are on duty to care for your essential needs and to
render professional service. They are not there to take your
capricious orders. You are only one of their numerous
patients. Be considerate.
Do not ask the nurses embarrassing questions about your
condition, operation, temperature, or length of stay. Pro­
fessionally the nurses may not answer such questions. If you
desire this information ask your doctor, not your nurse.
Above all you should not expect “star” treatment or “red
carpet” consideration simply because you are a seminarian.
Do not be insistent in your demands and do not complain
about the food or service. Remember the hospital staff wants
you out of the hospital just as badly as you wish to go . . .
maybe more so . . . for somebody is waiting for your bed
. . . you are not a prisoner!
Whether patient or visitor keep this one thought in mind:
the reputation of your diocese and superiors is in your hands
when you are in a hospital.
If you forget everything else that has been set down here,
try to shape your hospital code of conduct around these three
words: acceptance; edification; gratitude.
Acceptance of your illness in a religious spirit.
Edification to staff and other patients by your virtue, your
peace and resignation.

74

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Gratitude for all that has been done for you by the doctors,
interns, nurses, technologists, and attendants.
Visiting the Patient

Your conduct in the hospital as a visitor should be such
that it fits into the orderly pattern of this highly organized
institution.
You, the visitor, should always be courteous to Sisters,
nurses, and other hospital personnel.
Make your visit brief and cheerful. Leave the patient rested
and encouraged. Don’t worry him about your seminary or
class affairs, or current gossip. The burden of good behavior
is your responsibility, not the patient’s.
If the patient is in a ward or a semiprivate room you
should remember that the other patients are ill and do not
disturb them by your loud talking or your smoking.
You can control your impulse to smoke until after your
brief visit, even if the patient is in a private room.
All hospitals have definite visiting rules. The hours are
specified and the number of visitors at any one time is
strictly limited. Do not presume upon your clerical state or
your Roman collar to flaunt these rules.
Do not sit on the patient’s bed (or for that matter sit on
any bed). Do not place overcoat, topcoat, hat, gloves, etc.,
on the bed. Hold them if necessary. If there are not sufficient
chairs remain standing for your visit will be short.
Do not be boisterous in your visit. Do not disturb the
routine of the hospital or of the patient. Observe the regula­
tions. They are made for the efficient operation of the
hospital and the benefit of the patients.
Your Roman collar will be respected by the staff and
attendants. They will be reluctant to enforce rigid visiting
rules upon you. Do not make it necessary for them to do so.

WHEN SICKNESS COMES

75

Observe the standard rules of visiting hours, number of
visitors at one time, silence or quietness, and any other local
regulations.
Observe a dignified but cheerful demeanor in your rela­
tions with the staff, Sisters, doctors, nurses, attendants, but
do not assume a frigid aloofness which prohibits a passing
nod, or a pleasant “good morning,” or a cordial smile from
any of the staff. Your icy manner will be resented by the
hospital officials and the priesthood will suffer from the
unfavorable impression thus created.
Be natural, be yourself, be cheerful. The staff see enough
misery and suffering. Lift the load a little bit by your pleasant
manner.
Here is a reminder if you have a priest visitor when you
are confined to the hospital. Ask him for his blessing before
he leaves. If you have other visitors when he calls be sure
to introduce them to him.

Chapter 12.

WHEN THE LADIES
ARE PRESENT

Present Limitations
I.

At Home

Your social relations with young women while you are living
at home will be severely limited. You are not the normal
high school pupil or college student with his social freedom
of proms and dating. You are a seminarian preparing for
the priesthood. You will restrict your social recreation in
accordance with your ideals and in conformity with your
institution’s regulations.
II.

During Vacations

During your major seminary years your social relations
with women will be even more decidedly limited. Your
summers will be more or less occupied with seminary vacational activities, camp, club, Catholic Action, social work,
guidance, group moderator, etc.
You have your specific regulations from the seminary
guiding your summer activities and your conduct. These are
established and traditional. You will, naturally, observe them
rigorously, so they need no elaboration or comment here
in this book.

III.

At the Seminary

While you are at the major seminary during the school year
you will meet with your relatives, the relatives of your class76

WHEN THE LADIES ARE PRESENT

77

mates, the Sisters of the institution, and occasional visitors.
Most of these meetings will take place in the seminary parlor
or on the seminary grounds. At other times you will be in
the company of women in public conveyances, stores, and
possibly at sports events.
These following rules are intended to cover the general
situations you will encounter during your years of study in
which the “fair sex” may be involved. For a complete formula
of social regulations after your ordination you are respect­
fully referred to the complete New Esquire Etiquette, which
should be available in your students’ libraries.
The classification and the headings which follow are those
of Esquire. They have been used so that you may not be
confused when you refer to the complete manual.
There is some repetition of what has been said elsewhere
in this book, but this is intentional so that you may have
ready reference in this one place.
Your Head

Take your hat off whenever you are indoors, whether
women are in sight or not. This “indoors” includes not only
homes but apartment-house elevators and corridors; also all
eating places. Reserved space on trains, dining cars, and air­
planes is also considered “indoors.”
Public buildings, department stores and their elevators
are not considered “indoors.” Neither are local or suburban
trains, hotel lobbies, railroad and airplane waiting rooms
“hats off” places.
But if other male occupants of public elevators or places
remove their hats, you should conform even though you may
be socially correct in keeping your hat on. It isn’t sufficiently
important to make an issue of it, or to draw attention to
yourself.

78

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Take your hat off outdoors when you slop to talk to a
woman. But if you remain talking or join her in walking
replace your hat. Convention formerly required that your
head remain uncovered, but common sense prevails today.
The hat-in-hand routine appears too much as though you are
soliciting a contribution for your favorite charity. She will
appreciate it if you put your hat on after observing the
formalities.
Take it off when you have your photograph taken with
your relatives or visitors.
Lift it momentarily to the lady when you acknowledge
her greeting or good-bye. Lift it when you perform some
service even for a strange woman, such as picking up some­
thing she has dropped, and for all brief exchanges with
women, known or unknown.
If a man, accompanied by a woman, salutes you in passing,
lift your hat in return. Even if the man is alone and he
raises his hat to you in respect to your clerical state, return
the courtesy. Even if a little boy greets you with a smile and
a courteous touch of his cap (or a little girl nods at you)
the very least you can do, seminarian or priest, is to return
the smile and greeting and raise your hat. There is no age
limit, up or down, for your display of proper manners. You
will never know what effect your gracious manners may
have on that little boy’s (or girl’s) future! In any event you
have been the courteous gentleman.

Your Eyes
It should hardly be necessary to tell a seminarian that
no gentleman rudely stares at a woman; nor docs he inventory
her with appraising eyes. This comment is included here so
that the record may be complete.
Women have a “sixth sense’’ — they intuitively know when

WHEN THE LADIES ARE PRESENT

79

they are in “candid-camera” focus. When you are, therefore,
on the street or wherever women are present, you will “keep
your eyes to yourself.” A seminarian knows from his training
and his own refined discrimination what is proper and fitting
in the custody of the eyes, for the eye is the mirror of the
soul. The point need not be labored.

Your Feet
When you are seated and a woman enters your seminary
parlor, or the living room of your family home, you rise to
your feet instantly and remain standing until she is seated.
But don’t make it ostentatious and don’t make a jumping
jack of yourself if women are passing in and out of the room.
If you are seated at a theater (or in chapel), stand up
when others are trying to pass in front of you to reach their
seats in the same row. You only complicate matters if you
remain seated and try to jackknife your knees. They can’t
squeeze past you, and you will ultimately have to rise, so do it
in the beginning.
The same principle applies to a crowded elevator. If you
are in the front and someone in the back is trying to get off,
step out of the elevator to make room. Or if both you and a
woman are getting off on the same floor and you are in front,
the sensible thing for you to do is to get off first. The same
practice is followed in taxicabs and automobiles. Do the
easiest and quickest thing — the sensible tiling.
Walk on the street side of the sidewalk if you are accom­
panying a woman. This is standard practice. But don’t be a
stickler for form if you have to shift positions frequently.
The rule is: keep the woman or women (if there are two of
them) on the inside or on your right, but only if you can
avoid awkward shuffling. It isn’t so important that you must
make a “cause célèbre” out of it.

80

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

The rule that women precede men through doors is a
set one, except that a man goes ahead if the couple is walking
the length of a train, opening the heavy doors and holding
them open until the woman passes through. He also goes
ahead in a restaurant if the head waiter is not there to seat
them.
A woman, however, passes through a revolving door first
after the man has set it in motion for her.
On a fixed stairs, the man precedes the lady up the stairs,
but follows her down.
On an escalator the process is reversed for safety reasons.
The man follows the lady on a stairs moving up; precedes
her coming down.
Your Hands

Don’t offer your hand to a woman when you are in­
troduced, unless she extends hers first. If she does offer her
hand, don’t pump it, or crush it, or bear-trap it. Remember
she probably has rings on her fingers.
If you are introduced on the street and the lady extends
her hand, remove your glove before shaking hands with her
only if you can do it inconspicuously and without delay. (See
chapter on Introductions.) It is obviously inconsiderate of
you to leave her hand dangling in midair while you remove a
glove, finger by finger. This situation simulates the “indoor”
circumstances where you do not have on a glove. The lady
expects you to be gloved on the street when she extends her
hand. So do the obvious thing: take her gloved hand in yours
without creating a scene. Don’t say “excuse my glove.” It
sounds “prissy” and it is almost a slap at the lady’s gracious­
ness in offering her hand.
You give your hand, palm up, to a woman to help her

WHEN THE LADIES ARE PRESENT

81

off buses and out of cabs. In these situations, you precede
her so that you can be in a position to help.
The conventional form of offering your arm in any cir­
cumstances, except the above bus or cab situation, has about
gone out of practice. Women, as a rule, do not like to be
touched needlessly.
Only in some emergency, such as a loss of balance, a break
or hole in the sidewalk, an approaching car unsighted by her,
do you venture to support her or guide her. She will ap­
preciate your assistance at such times. But let her step off
curbs and cross streets under her own power.

Three Rules
There are three general rules which you can follow in most
normal situations, but they all admit of common sense inter­
pretation and obvious exceptions. They are:

1. Ladies First
This is the general rule. It applies, for instance, when there
is a waiter to lead you to a table, an usher to lead you to
your seats, or a doorman to open the taxi door. But when
there is no waiter nor usher you go first to find the table or
the scats. When the doorman is busy or inattentive you take
over and hold the door for the lady. When the way is clear
and free naturally, the lady goes first, but if you have to
mill through a crowd, or elbow your way through a rush,
or a high step is to be vaulted, then you “run interference.’’
In a word, you go first when there is a good reason for
reversing the regular order.

2. Hold AU Doors
Here again this is a general rule, but at times it presents

82

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

some difficulties, requires some dexterity, and at other times
it defies all regulations. Moreover you cannot, in this age of
modernity, be sure how the athletic young Miss may respond
to your chivalrous action.
With the “ladies first” she will arrive at the door slightly
ahead of you and she may grasp the doorknob herself with
physical might, so the best you can do is to finish the job.
But whatever happens on the first door, be prepared for
surprises. She may stand demurely and helplessly at the
second door waiting for your manly strength to perform the
operation so she can pass through gracefully.
Your task is to be ready and alert for any emergency
and to try to anticipate her specific reaction at each new
contingency.
You have to develop a nice sense of timing and casualness
— if you are going to be helpful rather than hampering. But
don’t expect to work out any general rules from your past
experiences. It just won’t work out into a definite pattern.
You will have to be flexible enough and resourceful enough
to meet new predicaments with complete composure — and
timely alertness.

3. Hold All Chairs
Here again it is the gesture that counts, whether she sits
down or arises. She probably will slide into the chair before
you can render any practical assistance, but don’t commit the
blunder of omitting the gesture. She will take it amiss.
Your best procedure will be always to walk around behind
her chair, to help her off with her coat, and to make one final
adjustment of her chair. Just see that she is seated before
you go back to your place.
In reverse order, the technique is the same when she
rises — just get the chair out of her way when she steps out

WHEN THE LADIES ARE PRESENT

83

of it and don’t push it back under the table until she is com­
pletely free of it. You will improve with practice. So we
finally come to an important warning.

Your Ears
Naturally, you will want to believe what every woman says,
but prudence will soon teach you that there arc some circum­
stances when you must not believe your ears. For instance,
you will want to take her at her word when she says certain
things, but it is good manners not to do so. Here are some
examples:
“Please don’t get up," or if you have struggled to your
feet “Please sit down.” Don’t follow her instructions, no
matter how much she protests. The rule you have seen in
the beginning of this chapter requires that you stand while she
stands. No protest on her part can change that and if you do
not live up to your good manners, she is going to be offended.
Another one: “Don’t bother, I can manage." She probably
can, whether it is opening a bottle of soda, or moving a
chair. But if you stand by nonchalantly and let her struggle,
she will think poorly of your manners and you are going to
look pretty silly to the people who didn’t hear her “Don’t
bother."
A final example: “You go ahead: I’ll be all right." Don’t
do it, whatever it involves. She doesn’t really want to be left
alone. Il will be simpler all around for you to see it through.
It is your duty and it will save future complications.

Summary
So to recapitulate: when it comes to the world of women,
etiquette is everything. This was demonstrated in a survey in
cities from coast to coast by This Week, a national newspaper

84

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

magazine. It disclosed that the women were bothered most
by “men’s table manners.”
Number one on the list of protests was men’s failure to
seat women guests first at table in a restaurant, something
covered in this chapter (3. Hold All Chairs). High in the
complaints about “men’s mistakes” were: men ordered their
own food first; men complained about the service; men
slurped soup and coffee; men sprawled; chewed with mouth
open; talked while chewing; did not pass food ... mostly table
manners, but also mentioned prominently was “do not hold
doors open.”
To conclude: You just can’t break social rules by your
rugged individualism or by your coarse idiosyncrasies. You
will not be excused on account of your years of isolation from
social activity.
On the contrary, your clerical state and your formal
education will be considered as supreme preparation for your
social life and its proprieties. You will be expected to be
models of the social virtues. You must not fail the public in
its concept of your training and your aptitude.
It is a part of your apostolate.

Chapter 13.

THE AUTOMOBILE

General
Each seminary, minor and major, has its own regulations
regarding the use, operation, or ownership of automobiles
during school terms and vacation periods.
These rules also govern, according to local circumstances,
the use (or prohibition) of cars for transportation to and
from school when the seminarian lives at home.
These local regulations also specify the conditions for
the use of seminary automobiles, trucks, and tractors by the
seminarians both inside and outside the seminary grounds.
The only comment here is: know your regulations and
obey them.

Protection
Generally all seminary authorities caution their students,
either expressly or inferentially, against the use of uninsured
automobiles. In a few states (Wisconsin, Massachusetts,
Colorado) insurance is compulsory, but in the vast majority
it is not.
If when you are home you drive the family car (or any
other automobile) you should have your official driver’s
license and the car should be covered by proper insurance
(property damage and personal liability). The insurance
should also provide proper protection for you, a nonowner,
when you drive the car which you do not own.
It is a fact that driving habits are the basis for high
85

86

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

automobile insurance costs. For instance, one class of appli­
cants who finds it difficult to secure auto insurance is the
single male under 25. Unfortunately you, the seminarian,
fall into this class, irrespective of your driving ability and
law observance.

Under 25 Years
Some insurance companies will not insure the single male
under 25. Other companies do not like to insure him, and all
who do will give him protection only at a much higher rate
than for other classifications.
These restrictions, or limitations, arise from the fact that
this age group has the highest percentage of fatal accidents
and bodily injuries; also the greatest number of car and
property damages.
A major reason for these high insurance rates for this
age group (under 25) is that these youngsters are considered
the reckless drivers, the “drag” racers, the “souped-up” car
owners, the “hot-rod” drivers and the dare demons.
Neither you (nor any sane seminarian) is going to risk
life, limb, or vocation against being called “chicken” for
refusing to participate — even as a “guest” — in such cars
and contests. The seminarian doesn’t need any rules spelled
out for such refusal.

Another Cause
Other causes for high insurance rates for all classifications
are the dishonesty on the part of otherwise honest people
who make exaggerated (or false) claims for bodily injuries,
and the connivance to bilk the insurance companies on claims.
The caution here is for you, the seminarian, to make
certain you know the state and local laws regarding respon­
sibility wherever you drive; that you conduct yourself properly

THE AUTOMOBILE

87

if you are involved in an accident (see below); and that you
are fully covered by insurance before you get behind the
steering wheel.
In case of seminarians driving rented cars for group
trips to or from the seminary on vacation periods, holiday
trips, etc., it is assumed that the rental agency, if reliable,
carries the proper protection for the car and you, the driver.
But this should be verified in each case.

Your Own Accidents
If you cause an accident to a parked car, for instance,
if you dent its fender while you are squeezing in a space, do
the proper thing: find the owner, or leave your name and
address in the damaged car. Then report the accident to your
insurance company through the proper channels.
In more serious accidents, to a moving vehicle or to a
person, whether you are at fault or not, be courteous. Do not
become involved in any heated arguments. Secure the driver’s
name, the car license, etc.; give the same information about
your car and insurance; obtain the names of any witnesses
and avoid controversy. Report the accident to the police
and/or the Motor Vehicle Department. But do not leave the
scene of the accident.
If personal injuries are involved to anyone in the accident
render what assistance you can physically (and spiritually),
then await the arrival of the police officials. Again, do not
leave the scene of the accident and do not lose your poise as
a seminarian.

Important Caution
From what has been said (above) about dishonest people
in case of accidents, or through subsequent conspiracy or
collusion with “ambulance chasers,” garage owners, shyster

88

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

lawyers, and eventually unpredictable juries, it becomes im­
perative for you, the seminarian, involved in any kind of
an accident, no matter how trivial it may seem at the time,
to remain on the scene of the accident. You should get a
police report before the cars are moved and you should
endeavor to obtain names and addresses of witnesses. These
precautions are necessary in order to protect yourself against
subsequent and exorbitant claims for personal injuries. It can
happen. It has happened. It may happen to you!

Avoiding Accidents
Accidents don’t happen. They are caused. They are caused
by human errors, by mechanical failures, or by weather
conditions.
Overcautiousness is the cause of many accidents. Slow
driving in highway traffic, especially on expressways where
the minimum speed is posted, is as dangerous as excessive
speed in zoned districts. Keep within the regulated high and
low limits and keep up with the traffic.
Here are a few suggestions for avoiding accidents:
A. Driving is a full time job, so don’t let your conversation
with your front seat companion get too involved or intent.
Keep your mind (and your eyes) on the road. Your travel­
ing companion will understand your concentration — he
drives too.
B. If you are driving a long distance, especially if you
are alone, beware of “fatigue driving.” If you catch yourself
with head nodding or eyes closing, the remedy is to break up
the monotony with a “coffee break,” a pause off the road for a
leg stretch, or some diversion at least every 100 miles, or
less if you notice the symptoms. Variety or change, even a
few minutes, will be a safety factor. Use seat belts.

THE AUTOMOBILE

89

C. Here are three road prohibitions mentioned in all
“rules of the road”:
1. If you drink, don’t drive; if you drive, don’t drink.
2. Alcohol and gasoline don’t mix.
3. Don’t take that last drink “for the road.”
These injunctions are mentioned here not by way of impli­
cation, but so that this list of “Suggestions” may be complete.

Rules of Driving
This is not the place for a statement of the “Rules of the
Road.” You were supposed to know them when you applied
for your license and took your driver’s test. If you need a
refresher course you can obtain these regulations from your
state agency, automobile associations, insurance company, or
at the corner gas station.
The emphasis here is on the intangibles. For instance,
the qualities which will make you a fine driver are essentially
the same personality factors which make you a gentleman.
If you display the same mannerly courtesy on the road that
you manifest in other social relations you will never de­
liberately violate the rules of the road.

Driving Manners
You don’t need this etiquette book to tell you that a
safe driver is a good driver; that a sensible driver doesn’t
take chances.
You don't need a theologian to tell you “Obey traffic laws”;
“Don’t be angry”; “Don’t be rude”; “Don’t make others lose
their tempers.”
Besides a tank of gas when you turn on that ignition key,
what you really need is the good lubricant of introspection.

90

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Here are a few “tune-up tests” which you can self-administer.
They will help you to determine your driving “LQ.” and your
“Achievement” rating.

Self-Inventory
1. If behind the wheel you apply the Golden Rule of
conduct mentioned by St. Luke: “Even as you wish men to
do to you, so also do you to them” the chances are you will
not raise your blood pressure or initate your ulcers; nor cause
similar alarming symptoms in other drivers. And you will
greatly reduce the hazard of accidents.
2. On the road today (and tonight) simple self-preserva­
tion demands that you have your best party manners with
you when you put your car into gear — in other words con­
sideration of others.
3. Drive carefully where children are at play. Stop to
allow pedestrians to cross. Stop to allow waiting cars to
cross. Keep car clean, inside and outside.
4. “Self-preservation” means more than saving your own
life or preventing accidents. Here is where the positive
overtones of “introspection” enter. You can mentally (or
vocally) “damn” the poor driving and bad manners of the
other driver, but you won’t reform him by your imprecations.
So, for your own safety and peace of mind, don’t let your
annoyance show by pressure on the horn, or by leaning out
the window to give him a curt lesson in driving. Philosophize
instead. Be grateful that your presence of mind and your
quick reactions prevented an accident.
5. Reason in this manner quite apart from the havoc,
hatred, and danger which rudeness arouses on the road:
a) I’m not going to let any ill-mannered motorist drive
me crazy, so that I forget my good driving manners and
jeopardize my safety and the car.

THE AUTOMOBILE

91

b) I am resolved to be meticulous in my observance of
safety rules and traffic regulations; but at the same time I
am going to be prepared for the worst violations of these laws
from other drivers.
c) I know that the highways are crowded with stupid
and reckless and show-off drivers who probably think they are
the world’s best. Of course, I’m not in that classification,
but I’m going to be alert to the possible transgressions of
others . . . and I’m not going to risk my safety or car because
“I have the right of way.” That won’t be any consolation to
me in the emergency room of the hospital, if I’m fortunate
enough to be carried there instead of to the morgue.

Hitchhikers and Stops
Here are some important safety or “self-preservation”
comments:
A. Picking up hitchhikers is forbidden by law in some
states, and it is a dangerous practice in any state. There is
no valid reason for you to stop your car at a signal from
anyone you do not know except for a police officer.
When strangers, a serviceman in uniform or a citizen in
apparent distress, are involved your own self-preservation
supersedes all normal rules of etiquette. This simple rule is:
“Do not stop for strangers.”
B. Hold-up men will fake a car breakdown. Thugs will
display distress signs. You can blink your lights, or sound
your horn, to indicate that you have noted their plight, real
or assumed. Then you can stop at the next gas station and
report the incident. This is the kindest thing you can do —
and it is the safest for you.
C. However, later on, as a priest, if there has been an
accident where bodily injuries may be involved, you should
stop to ascertain if you can render any spiritual assistance.

92

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Your safe clue in this situation will be that other cars and
people will already be on the scene.
D. In another emergency, if you are close enough to an
accident to see it occur, or if you sec a car leave the road
then you have a different contingency in which your Good
Samaritan offices are a recognized necessity.

Traffic Tickets
It is a curious fact that many otherwise law-abiding
people feel that they can break traffic laws with impunity.
You need only review your own experiences in this matter to
determine your degree of guilt, if any. In any event, here
are a few broad hints:
If you receive a traffic ticket for speeding, overparking,
or any other infraction, treat the officer with courtesy. He
is only doing his duty. Answer his questions quietly and hand
him the papers he asks for — your license, car registration,
etc.
Take your license card out of its holder in your purse
before you present it. Do not be so thoughtless as to offer
the officer your wallet with the card in it. This is tantamount
to offering him a bribe. Do not place him in this embarrassing
position but remove the card yourself from the wallet and
present it alone to the officer retaining the purse in your
own possession.
And a final admonition: you may be entirely right in the
whole matter, but do not try to make the officer a judge in
the matter. His jurisdiction does not extend to the court.
Save your explanations (or defense) for the proper place.

Your Reward
As an encouragement to you to strive for an “A” in
driving and a “zero” in accidents, for good marks in the

THE AUTOMOBILE

93

observance of these simple rules and for freedom from traffic
tickets, constantly remind yourself that the day is not far
distant when you will be ordained.
Then you will have reached that maturity when you will
graduate from the “under 25” penalty rate of insurance.
Then you will become the proud owner of your own little
domestic or foreign compact (after a few more payments).
With this ownership you will acquire a new sense of
responsibility and you will be thankful that you learned and
observed these few simple rules. Now it will pay off, for in
the process of practicing them during your seminary days you
will have become a safe driver, a good driver, a sensible
driver. So now in your new classification as an “owner” you
will be better qualified mentally and mechanically to take
good care of your new car and its snappy appearance.

Chapter 14.

TELEPHONE USAGE

In the Seminary
The use of the telephone for incoming and outgoing messages
is strictly limited in all seminaries, major and minor.
Each institution has its own rules to fit its particular cir­
cumstances, but generally, the seminarian can receive only
emergency incoming calls. Outgoing messages are limited to
certain times and usually from a pay station or booth
telephone.
The proper procedure for you to follow is to respect the
regulations of your particular seminary; to obtain the required
permission; to limit your calls as to number, times, and
duration.
This limited use of the telephone itself, however, should
not affect your knowledge and practice of the accepted code
of telephone behavior. Indeed the very fact that your actual
usage of the telephone will be so limited during your semi­
nary days becomes an important reason for you to learn
and to put into practice the fundamental requirements of
proper telephone etiquette. You may have many more op­
portunities to practice these conventions during your vacation
periods, at home, at work, at recreation, than you have at
the seminary.
In many seminaries the students act as switchboard opera­
tors for the telephone equipment. If you are one of these, the
following comments are of vital importance to you in fulfilling
your duties properly and courteously.
You, however, should familiarize yourself with the rules
94

TELEPHONE USAGE

95

whether you are called on to operate a switchboard or not.
The day will come all too soon when you will have to exer­
cise these courtesies in a very definite manner in your priestly
assignment.

General
The one simple and workable rule for telephone propriety
is the “face-to-face” principle. Here it is: Use the same
courtesy toward the one who rings your telephone bell as you
do toward the person who rings your doorbell. This is
fundamental. If this rule is observed all other details will
fall into their proper place.
When you answer the doorbell and speak face to face with
someone, your smile, your grooming, your warm personality
combine to create a good impression.
When you answer the telephone this impression depends
entirely upon your voice, so make your voice a pleasant one.
The telephone companies stress the “voice with a smile" with
their employees. You can develop a “voice with a smile” in
your telephone answering and conversations.
The secret of getting that smile into your voice is feeling
it. Ever notice how dead the mechanical voices taped into
some services leave you? For example, when you dial a
number and hear: “This is a recording — the number you
have reached is not in service at this time. Please be sure you
are calling the correct number.” Ever notice how irritating
that voice is even though the mistake was your own? Well,
if your telephone voice is mechanical, it will never make a
good impression on others.
If you stop to think how your voice may sound to someone
on the other end of the wire, who may not even know you at
all, you would certainly try to make your voice create a good
impression.

96

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

You may not feel sunny and cheerful; you may even feel
cold and grouchy; but whoever is at the other end of the wire
can’t know your feelings — he can only hear how your voice
sounds. Your real personality, not your feelings, must come
through to him! That becomes the warm smile in your
cheerful voice. It is contagious! Cultivate it!
People who call the rector}' telephone number expect a
prompt and businesslike answer in a distinct and pleasant
voice. Who knows, it may be the bishop calling! If you
answer all incoming calls as you would the bishop’s (if you
knew he was calling), then you will create a good impression.

A Private Test
You might make a little private test to determine the
quality of your answering voice:
1. Is it pleasant, friendly, cordial, cheerful, and interested?
Then it has personality and the tone shows it. Such a voice
is like a warm handshake over the telephone.
2. Is it expressionless, mechanical, indifferent, impatient,
and listless? Then it lacks personality and creates the im­
pression, “Oh, why bother me?” It’s like slamming a door in
the face of the caller. Remember it is not only what you say,
but how you say it.
But don’t be discouraged if you failed the above test. You
can cultivate a good telephone voice by conscious and per­
sistent practice. Then the final test will be when you notice
that your pleasant voice brings a pleasant response from the
one calling. Then you won’t have to practice any longer —
you’ve acquired it, and it will remain with you, and answering
the telephone will be a pleasure for you and for the one call­
ing. Now here are some specific rules to keep in mind.

TELEPHONE USAGE

97

Receiving Calls
Z.

Answer Promptly

When the seminary or rectory telephone rings, get the
conversation off on the right track by answering promptly.
You are going to have to answer it anyhow, so why delay?
Besides it may be a sick call or some emergency.

II.

Identify Your House

While “hello” is quite proper for a private home, the only
correct identification greeting when you answer is: (for ex­
ample) “St. John’s Seminary.” Or if you are receiving an
incoming call on a switchboard say (for example) “Good
morning, St. John’s Seminary.”
But this identification must be given in a slow, clear, dis­
tinct “at-your-service” voice so that it is understood at once
by the caller. The common fault here is, if you are entrusted
with answering the telephone as a regular duty, you will tend
to slur the words together and mumble them indistinctly from
much repetition so that the caller has to ask, “Is this St. John’s
Seminar)'?” Thus the conversation gets off to a limping start
and it is difficult to get it into proper stride. So, always intro­
duce yourself or your seminary, or your rectory in an intelli­
gible manner.
III. Take Calls Courteously

If the priest asked for does not answer his telephone or
his call signal, give the caller this information at once. Come
back on the line and say: ‘T am trying to reach Father. Please
hold on.”
If you are unable to reach Father after a reasonable interval

98

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

say, “I’m sorry I cannot reach Father just now.” Then you
can offer the caller a choice of two alternatives: “Do you
wish to call back or shall I give Father a message?”
If the priest asked for is unable to answer the telephone
call, give the caller a sufficient explanation, as: “I’m sorry,
Father is in class”; or “Father is talking on another line”; or
“Father is busy in the parlor just now.”
Then give the caller a choice of waiting, or being called
back, as “Do you wish to hold the line, or may I have Father
call you?”
But if he chooses to wait, do not leave him dangling in­
definitely. Come back on the line repeatedly and say: “I’m
sorry, Father is still busy,” or “It seems that Father is going
to be detained some time. May I have him call you back?”
In any event, don’t permit the caller to get the impression
that you have forgotten all about him.
If you know that Father is away, or if you are informed to
that effect by the one who does answer your call, just say,
“I’m sorry, but Father is not here now. Do you wish to talk
to somebody else, or do you care to leave a message?” You
are not supposed, as a switchboard operator, to know how
long Father will be away or where he has gone. Do not vol­
unteer that information, but say, “May I connect you with
another Father?”
One real test of your courteous answering will be when,
maybe, the telephone rings in the middle of the night. You
jump out of bed thinking it is an emergency or a sick call.
You hear some thick inebriated voice on the other end, "Is
that you, Nellie?” Or maybe it is an honest mistake in dialing
from a dark booth. Here is the test: Don’t slam the receiver
down in rage! Practice that virtue of self-control you’ve been
making the point of your particular exam — then, with mag­
nificent restraint say: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number.

TELEPHONE USAGE

99

This is St. Patrick’s Rectory, Columbia 9-7000,” and place
the receiver gently on the hook. You’ll sleep better!
/K.

Take Messages Accurately

Keep your pad and pencil available for taking messages.
Many rectories have printed forms for this purpose.
Request, rather than demand information, as ‘‘May I tell
Father who’s calling?” “Do you care to leave your telephone
number?”
Get the complete information and repeat it back to the
caller to make sure it is correct: Name, number, city (if
different from your own), date, and time.
Then one thing more: Don’t trust your memory, or the fact
that you will see Father at suppertime. See that the written
message is put in his mailbox or on his door.
Whatever the circumstances, don’t leave the caller waiting
indefinitely without coming back on the line. Tell him
promptly, “I’m sorry, I can’t locate Father right away. Do
you wish to leave your number, or will you call back?” This
gives the caller an option in case he does not wish to give
his name.
V.

Handle Complaints Tactfully

You personally may in no way be involved in the com­
plaint, but you represent the seminary or the rectory, so accept
the complaint as a representative of the priesthood.
Be a good listener and remain calm and friendly. Avoid
blaming somebody else or taking the matter as a personal
affront.
Adopt a pleasant and helpful attitude. Apologize sincerely
for mistakes, as “I am sorry that happened.” Be ready to
volunteer information and to offer assistance.
Leave the impression that you are truly concerned and

100

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

hopeful that such mistakes will not occur again. Let the
complainer feel when he hangs up that his mission has been
accomplished. He will feel better and so will you.
VI.

Give Information Considerately

When callers seek information about church services, hours
of confessions, or other matters, which you may have to look
up, tell them so, as “Will you hold the line, please, while I
look that up?” (Do not say, “Just a minute” or “Hold on.”)
If you have to obtain the information from somebody else,
say: “I am sorry but I do not have that information, but if
you care to wait I’ll try to find out for you.”
If seeking the information is going to take you away from
the line for considerable time, return to the line and report
to the caller, as: “I’m still checking on that. Will you wait
further, or may I call you back?”
Give the impression to the caller that you are glad to be
of service. If you cannot obtain the desired information ex­
press your regret with sincerity.
Note: If you must set the receiver down to look up the
information, be considerate of the person at the other end.
Do not slam the hand phone down on the hard surface of the
desk, but place it gently on a book or a pad. To set the
receiver down slam-bang on the desk results in an unpleasant
noise in the other person’s ear and doesn’t improve his dis­
position when you return with the information.
VII. Embarrassing Situations

There are times when it is practically impossible for you
to answer the phone. For instance, you should not receive
messages when they interrupt someone who has first call on
your time. If you are busy in the parlor, giving an instruction,
listening to a visitor with a problem, it is obviously impossible

TELEPHONE USAGE

101

for you to conduct a conversation of some length on the
telephone.
You cannot leave the people stranded in the parlor. They
have first claim on your time, like the patients in a doctor’s
reception room — the first to arrive have priority.
If you have no switchboard operator to handle the call,
but have to answer the telephone yourself, the very least you
can do is to say to the person in the parlor, “I’m sorry” in
genuine contrition before picking up the phone.
And then you should ask the téléphoner if you may call
him back at another time. “May I call you back?” means as
clearly as if you said it outright: “I’m sorry, I can’t talk now.”
Let the caller know when you will call him back. And then
you arc honor bound to do it.

VIII.

Leaving Messages

If you leave a message (in case you cannot reach “Mr.
Smith” personally) always leave your name, telephone num­
ber, city from which you are calling, and the reason for your
call: “This is Father McCaddcn, I’m calling about the in­
formation he requested (or this is a personal call). I’m at
SHcridan 9-6472, Johnston City, until noon (or specified
time).”
Few things are more annoying to a busy man or to a priest
than a message which says only “Call SH 8-8724.” If you
leave a message for Mr. Smith or Father Jones to return your
call, cue him in as to what you are calling about. Don’t let
him call back into an unsuspected trap.
Better still, find out, if you can do so gracefully, when
Mr. Smith will be in and do your own calling back. But if
you have left your name and Mr. Smith doesn’t call back,
you may reasonably assume that Mr. Smith’s failure to return
your call has some reason, or he didn’t get your message.

102

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Then, if you must call again don’t ask: “Didn’t you get my
message?” But rather, “I’ve been away from my room (or
office), or my line has been busy, and I was afraid you may
have been trying to reach me.” This way you give Mr. Smith
an out.

Placing Calls
I.

Local Business Calls

Directory: If you are not sure of the telephone number,
look it up in the directory. Do not trust your memory unless
it is a number you call frequently.
You may keep numbers called frequently in a memo book.
Your local telephone company will often provide a book,
without charge. Again, don’t trust your memory unless it is
photogenic. Listen for the dial tone and then dial the letters
and numbers carefully.
Wrong Numbers: If you make a mistake in dialing and
you get an incorrect number, be gentlemanly about it, as:
“I am sorry, / dialed the wrong number.” Do not abruptly
hang up without explanation. After all, you caused the in­
convenience to the other person. Manfully acknowledge it.
Courtesy: When the called person answers, be as courte­
ous as though he had opened his front door to your ring, the
face to face courtly politeness.
If your call is answered by someone other than the person
you are calling, give the name of the person you want to
talk to, and your own name, if requested, “This is Father
Matthew.” Ordinarily you do not give her your name unless
she is a “call-scrcener” as well as a switchboard operator. If
she indicates she would like to have your name, give it
promptly without quibbling: “This is Father Matthew.”

TELEPHONE USAGE

103

Protocol: When the operator connects you to a telephone,
you give your name at once, as: “This is Father Matthew.
May I speak to Mr. Smith, please?”
You do this even if you suspect it is Mr. Smith who has
answered. To start out with the blunt “Mr. Smith?” puts Smith
on the defensive, for you have not introduced yourself and
he may be avoiding some annoying calls.
Action: Then get on with your business at once. It is not
a social call. Don’t try to “warm up” Mr. Smith with a rash
of persiflage about his health, his descendants, the weather —
this may be normal procedure in oriental countries but not in
practical, businesslike U. S. A. Get to the point. Mr. Smith,
a busy man, will appreciate it.
Attitude: During the conversation, remember Mr. Smith
can’t see you. He can’t read your lips, so speak clearly and
distinctly.
If you are interrupted by anything short of a fire, even if
the pastor drops in for some urgent information (he may
have someone on his private line) explain the matter to Mr.
Smith, as: “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, I am interrupted. May I
call you back?” Don’t leave Mr. Smith in a vacuum while you
give your attention to another matter. He won’t be in a very
good frame of mind when you come back to the telephone.
Blunders: If you have to “look something up” while you
are talking to Mr. Smith, you have “pulled a boner.” You
should have had that information at hand before you placed
the call. Again, do not keep Mr. Smith waiting on a dead
line while you explore your files. Tell him: “I’m sorry, Mr.
Smith, I’ll have to check on that. May I call you back?”
Cut-Offs: Though being cut off in this day of almost
universal dial service is extremely uncommon, it may occa­
sionally happen. Don’t fume, or try to place the blame — you

104

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

will only agitate yourself. Wait a moment and then redial.
The person you are calling will have hung up too and will
be awaiting your reconnection.
Sign-Off: Since you initiated the call to Mr. Smith, it is
your responsibility to end it. When you have completed your
business with Mr. Smith, terminate the conversation with a
courteous “Good-bye.” Wait for his answering “Good-bye”
before you replace the receiver. Don’t slam the receiver back
into its cradle with a resounding explosion in Mr. Smith’s
ear. Put it back gently as you would a baby. You can break
the connection with one finger of your free hand pressing
down the hook or the spring. Then you can reseat the receiver.
Incidentally this is a good habit to acquire on closing all
telephone conversations. It produces only a slight click, no
explosion.
Note: See previous comment under Receiving Calls,
(number VI, p. 100) about putting the receiver down gently
if you have to look up information. The whole point is
to have consideration for the other party’s ear and sensi­
bilities. You know how the crash of a receiver in your own
ear affects your disposition.
Call-Backs: When leaving a message for Mr. Smith to call
you back, in case you do not reach him on your first call, be
sure to give your name, your number, and when you will be
at your number. Don’t dash out, or catch a plane. Mr. Smith
will not be pleased when he calls back and learns that you
have left and nobody knows when you will return.
The better procedure is to find out if you can when Mr.
Smith will be in his office and then do the calling back your­
self. You can always say: “This is Father Matthew from St.
Patrick’s Church. When do you expect Mr. Smith? Thank
you, I’ll call back then,” or “I’ll try to reach him later.”

TELEPHONE USAGE

II.

105

Long-Distance Calls
General

There are some very definite rules which you must observe
in placing long distance calls. Some pastors are very exacting
in this respect; others allow certain latitude in the matter.
You must be governed, in general, by the accepted practice
in your own rectory, but here are some specific suggestions
which may avoid a breach with the pastor.

Before Calls:
1. Follow the custom of the rectory. Get permission where
it is required before placing the call. In some cases casual or
tacit permission is sufficient; in other cases a formal request
is expected. Know your pastor and his methods of operation!
You will soon learn whether you are expected to pay for your
toll charges but make the gesture, at least, until a pattern
has been established.
2. If you are a guest in another rectory do not presume
permission to place a long distance call without explicit per­
mission of the pastor.
During Calls:

1. Make your conversation, whether at your own rectory
or when visiting, as brief as possible. If the business involved
cannot be disposed of in the initial rate period (3 to 5 min­
utes), then it requires a letter or an appointment. In most
cases the emergency has ceased to exist after three minutes
or it requires more detailed study.
2. Do not use long distance calls for social visiting. Con­
fine such calls to the business at hand.

106

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

After Calls:

1. If you are at home, put a slip in the pastor’s mailbox,
on his desk, or elsewhere, with the date, place, and time of
the call, so he can check when the statement comes in from
the telephone company.
2. If you are a visitor and have permission to place the
toll call, it does not necessarily mean you are freed from
paying for it. When you place the call, ask the operator to
notify you of the charges when the call is terminated. Then
leave a record slip with the exact amount reported by the
operator. Whether your host accepts the payment or not is
another matter. You will have observed the proprieties.
However, rather than requesting the operator for charges
and paying your host, there is a simpler method which obvi­
ates any embarrassment: You can ask the operator to have
your call billed to your home telephone.
3. If your toll call is to your own family residence which
is out of town, the proper thing to do is to “reverse” the
charges so that your pastor will not be obligated. Do not
presume upon the pastor’s good nature or generosity and run
up a substantial toll bill on him for family calls. Use con­
sidered judgment.
How to Make Calls:

There are four types of long distance calls: (Λ) Stationto Station; (B) Person-to-Person; (C) Collect; (D) Direct
Distance Dialing (D.D.D.)
A Type:

If you will talk to anybody who answers (A type) just
tell the operator the town and telephone number you want.
If you don’t know the telephone number, give the operator
the name and address and she will get it while you stay on

TELEPHONE USAGE

107

the line. Charges start when the number is reached. If you
are visiting be sure you know the number of the phone you
are using. In many cases A type calls can be dialed direct
and do not need the services of an operator. See D type
below for details.

B Type:
If you want to reach a particular person by name or title,
or extension, tell the operator when you place the call.
Charges begin when the person or extension you want an­
swers. B rates are higher than the A rates, but there is no
charge if the person is not reached.
C Type:
If you want to reverse the charges, that is to call “collect”
tell the operator so when you place the call. Charges do not
begin until the called person accepts the charges.
In all cases remain on the telephone until the call is com­
pleted or until you receive a report.
If the connection cannot be made at the time of the call,
then you may want to cancel the call and place it again later.
However, if you request the operator to continue trying to
complete it, remain near the telephone. If it is necessary for
you to leave, make certain that someone near the telephone
knows where you can be reached in the house. Otherwise,
postpone the call.
It is inconsiderate on your part if you permit the operator
to get the person you called on the line and then not be able
to reach you because you have taken off elsewhere. If and
when you are finally located, he won’t be very well disposed
toward you for having taken up his time thoughtlessly.

D Type:
1. This is the latest form of “direct distance dialing” called

108

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

by the telephone company D.D.D. It enables you to dial tele­
phones in other cities by using a distant area code of three
numbers (which are different from your own area code of
three digits). Many area codes are now given in the front
pages of your local telephone directory.
2. This method of distant calling does not involve the
services of any telephone operator, although in some areas
the operator will come in on the line and ask the number of
the telephone you are using. The designated area code (of
three numbers) is dialed first, then immediately the seven
numbers (or two letters and five numbers) of the telephone
(residence or business) you are calling.
3. The called party will answer as though receiving a local
call. The toll charges start when the party called answers.
The toll charges are recorded automatically on tape in the
telephone office.
4. Your call will always go through faster if you use the
area code when calling a telephone with a different area code.
Check in the front of your telephone directory for the list
of area codes.
The telephone company, in many cases, will supply you
with a little blue book, upon application, containing a list of
these area codes.
5. For more detailed information on this method of long
distance calls, consult the front pages of your telephone di­
rectory. It will become the future popular method of immedi­
ate conversation anywhere in the United States, so become
familiar with its methods.

Chapter 15.

CORRESPONDENCE

Commentary
It is a lamentable fact that many of our young priests are
notoriously neglectful and inconsiderate letter writers.
This dilatory habit may have been acquired in the semi­
nary, where letter writing is limited, but efficiency in your
ministry demands that it be corrected.
It cannot be emphasized too much that today, for many
priests, letter writing has become almost a lost art. This is
true, not only of the priest’s parish and social correspondence,
but also of his business letters.
Yet, oddly enough, the same priest who is a major of­
fender in answering correspondence, may be unreasonably
critical of those who do not immediately reply to his brusque
notes. It is a two-way street, both lanes must be kept clear .. .
incoming and outgoing.
The first rule, both of charity and of good manners, for
your correspondence is, “Every letter that requires an answer
should be answered promptly.”
A very commendable resolution for you, the recently or­
dained priest, is the firm determination to answer every letter
requiring an answer on the same day that you receive it.
This resolution should also apply to letters that pose a
problem or ask for information which must be checked.
You should acknowledge receipt of the letter by return
mail and inform the writer approximately when to expect a
complete answer. This practice takes only a few minutes of
109

110

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

your time, and it assures the original writer that his letter is
receiving attention.
Challenge: If you, the newly assigned assistant, really
wish to overcome your dillydallying and procrastination in
answering your mail, here is a sure-fire method: Isolate your
unanswered mail on your cluttered desk. Group it in a promi­
nent place where it will always confront you — like a red
signal. Resolve to reduce the pile each day. If you arc in
dead earnest, you will soon have the spot as bare as Mother
Hubbard’s cupboard! Keep it that way!

For the Seminarian
Some seminarians may be engaged in seminary publica­
tions, editorial work, etc. These duties may require business
letters. The prescribed rules, in this chapter, for priests under
“Business Letters,” below, apply to these seminarians.
Keep in touch, of course, with your bishop, if you are not
in his own seminary, your pastor, friends in other seminaries
and convents. But most of your correspondence will be letters
home, or to relatives. These are personal letters and they may
be either typed or penned.
However, the letters home, out of love and respect for your
family, should be at reasonably frequent intervals, according
to the regulations of your particular seminary.
Your letters home should not be “duty” letters, but in­
formative ones about your life and activities, displaying an
interest in the affairs of the family and their home life. Try
to visualize your parents or relatives and their interest in
you. Then your letters to them will have the proper rapport.
Letters you receive from others concerning benefactions,
invitations, announcements of births and deaths, etc., require
prompt answers as an obligation of charity and of common
propriety.

CORRESPONDENCE

111

There arc cards for all these occasions obtainable at most
stationery stores and many of them are available in your own
bookstore. Even if special cards are not in supply at your
seminary, correspondence cards are, and they should be used,
preferably with pen to give them the personal touch.
The detailed information on this subject — contained under
“Personal Letters for the Priest” applies with proportionate
force to you, die seminarian.
The major emphasis here is that every seminarian, at one
time or another in his assignment as a diocesan priest, may
have to carry on a correspondence as large as that of the
average businessman, and all without benefit of secretary or
stenographer.
The sooner you, as a seminarian, acquire the habit of
promptness, neatness, brevity, and accuracy in your letters,
the better prepared you will be for your future duties. It will
require self-conquest and diligence, but it will return grati­
fying profits both to you and to the diocese.

For the Priest
The letters you will write as a priest are of two kinds:

1. Business
2. Personal

I. Business Letters
General Notes

All rectories furnish printed letterheads and envelopes.
Most of them also have correspondence cards available.
Personalized name pads, usually intended for hasty notes
of intercommunication within the diocese, are quite proper
and practical, but diey should be confined to that specific
area.

112

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

This is not the place to detail the accepted rules for business
typed letters, form, paragraphing, salutation, and signature.
If you are in doubt on any of these points you can easily
refresh your memory by a quick glance at any standard type­
writing manual. Or if you have conveniently forgotten all that
the diligent professors tried to teach you in this regard, then
you need more than a “refresher” hypodermic. You will need
to read and study some standard work on “Business Letters.”
For instance, New Esquire Etiquette for Men covers these
points under the heading “Paperwork: Business Letters and
Cards — looks, style and content.” This review should supply
your deficiency needs in vitamin capsule form. But, remember,
there is no valid excuse for the priest not knowing the pro­
prieties of letter writing. Use a dictionary for correct spelling,
don’t take chances.
Correct Forms

There are approved forms of ecclesiastical address, saluta­
tion, and conclusion to letters in use in the United States.
While there arc some variations and flexibility in the official
lists of some dioceses, for the most part these clergy forms
follow a general pattern.
You, the seminarian, will ordinarily follow the approved
forms of your particular diocese. However a complete chart
is furnished here for letters you may write to all degrees of
ecclesiastical rank, including religious superiors, brothers, and
sisters.
If you are in any doubt as to the correct manner of address,
the chart will furnish you with an approved form which you
can use with confidence.

Suggestions for Business Letters

All business letters should be typed. Elite or pica type
(small or large) is a matter of choice, but oddities in type,

CORRESPONDENCE

113

such as italics and small capitals, are not proper for normal
business usage.
Answer all letters promptly, the same day if possible. Ten
days, in the business world, is considered the maximum limit.
If you cannot answer fully within that period you certainly
can acknowledge the letter within that time and explain your
delay.
It is good manners to make your business letters as short as
possible, but do not make them curt. There is a great differ­
ence between “conciseness” and “curtness.” It is entirely possi­
ble to make a friendly letter concise. For example, do not
say: “I have your letter of recent date,” or “Yours of the 16th
received and contents noted.” Instead say, “Thank you for
your letter of June 16th.” This is much more courteous and
exact. It will create a receptive mood when it is received.
This point needs to be emphasized. Saying something the
nice way does not require elaborate phrasing, or long sen­
tences, or “chitchat” that runs on and on. The pleasant letter
takes only a few more words than the disagreeable one, and
it gets better results.
In fact, it is as much a matter of attitude as it is of lan­
guage. Be yourself, be natural, but be conscious that you are
writing a letter, not carrying on a conversation.
If you forget all the above suggestions, just remember this
one rule of four “C’s.” A good business letter is Clear, Con­
cise, Correct, Complete.
But avoid that fifth “C” — Curt.

Π. Personal Letters
General Notes

The extent and amount of your correspondence will depend
in a large measure upon your personal disposition and inclina-

114

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

tion. But there are certain letters which you are definitely
obliged to write by all the ordinary conventions of your cleri­
cal state.
Your letter writing will be composed of two classes:
A. Letters which you originate, and
B. Answers to letters received.
Both must be considered in detail.

A.

Originating Letters

Correspondence which you initiate will be of four types:
a) Personal
b) Congratulatory
c) Thank You
d) Special Occasions

a)

PERSONAL LETTERS

These are either personal-business which follow the rules
of business correspondence as noted previously under “Busi­
ness Letters,” or they are social letters.
The social letters are informal. They may be typed or
written in ink. The salutation and the close depend upon the
degree of relationship or familiarity with the person addressed,
but in all cases the signature must definitely be written in ink.
The content of the letter will be determined by its purpose,
but make it a “communication” with your reader. Don’t let
“duty” barbs stick out in each paragraph to pierce the sensi­
tivities of the reader. Make the letter a cordial visit. Let it
be greeted with the same warmth as though you were at the
front door in person.
Ô)

CONGRATULATIONS

These letters include birthdays, graduations, marriages,
elections, promotions, appointments, congratulations, and the
like.

CORRESPONDENCE

115

Commercial cards are acceptable today for all these occa­
sions. It is generally recognized that the busy priest cannot
find time in his crowded schedule to write longhand letters
for all these happenings.
A short written message, however, on the engraved or
printed card personalizes it and carries more meaning to the
recipient. This message and the signature should always be
in ink.
The choice of the printed sentiment on the card should
always be suitable to the particular occasion. Beware of
“joke” cards that may be interpreted as offensive.
c)

THANK-YOU MESSAGES

Among the social imperatives are thank-you cards or letters.
These include hospitality, bread-and-butter messages, thanks
for presents, replies to expressions of good will and congratu­
lations on any honors you may have received.
Commercial cards with envelopes are available for all these
occasions, including “Thank You” cards. They can be ob­
tained in a variety of forms, both religious and general, and
their use, even if not extolled is better than no reply at all.
A hospitality card, or for that matter all other thank-you
cards, should be sent not more than one week after you
have accepted the hospitality or received the congratulator}'
message.
Whether you use a commercial card or a parish correspond­
ence card, it should be sealed in an envelope (never a post
card). It should contain some comment about why you en­
joyed the visit so much, or some special remarks which
personalize the message and take away any hint of mere
formality.
The same is true when you write a thank-you note for any
present or expression of good will. The rule is when anybody

116

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

writes you to congratulate you or for any other reason —
always write back. Such thank-you letters may be very short,
but they must contain the personal note. In a word, be liberal
with your thank-you notes, and you will never offend.
Note: One compelling reason for these “thank you” mes­
sages is that they are the only way the people who congratu­
late you, or send you presents, will know positively that you
received the message or gift. The measure of your apprecia­
tion (and your social conformity) will be judged by the
promptness of your acknowledgment.
d)

SPECIAL OCCASIONS

These letters include your Christmas and Easter greetings;
your congratulations on ordinations and jubilees; the religious
anniversaries of other priests or of sisters; and your apology
messages.
Here again commercial cards may be used for all except
apology letters.
If you have your Christmas or Easter cards printed, or if
the parish furnishes them, take the time and consideration to
write a short personal message and to hand-sign the cards.
This conveys the proper spirit of the season expected from a
priest and it takes away the “commercial” or “duty” aspect
of the greeting. Genuine feeling will inspire you what to say
on these personal messages. Be generous in sending cards to
your relatives, friends, the sick, etc.
The time you take to include the personal note on the
other special cards will more than repay you in the happiness
your special message will bring to the receiver.
Letters of apology should be treated “special.” They should
be written notes on correspondence cards explaining the sud­
den failure to keep an appointment, or the circumstances that
prevented your appearance at a function, or any other failure

CORRESPONDENCE

117

on your part. Such notes need not be too definite or detailed,
but they indicate you did not forget the engagement but you
were prevented from keeping it. But if it was a dinner en­
gagement, Forty Hours, First Mass, etc., you had to miss,
you are not excused from telephoning your inability to come.

B.

Answering Letters

You will be required to answer two types of letters:
a) Professional
b) Social
a)

PROFESSIONAL REPLIES

Under this heading are the letters which you receive in
your capacity as a priest. These include Mass stipends, bene­
factions, invitations, condolence, and those which seek pro­
fessional direction and information, or those which ask moral
and doctrinal questions. All these you are definitely obliged
to answer.
Your own instincts will prompt you as to the type of reply
that is appropriate in the various circumstances. The Mass
stipends, if sent to you personally, require a personal reply.
This can, however, be on a thank-you card or a regular form
provided in many of the parish rectories.
The other classifications, benefactions and invitations, will
have to be answered according to the particular conditions in
each case, but the reply should carry the personal note.
Acknowledgments of letters of condolence should be
prompt, brief and personal. When someone has taken the
trouble to write you a personal message of condolence, which
is incidentally the most difficult kind of letter to write, he
cannot but feel slapped if your thanks is impersonal.
It will be very little more trouble for you to write a line
of thanks on plain notepaper, letterhead, or correspondence

118

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

card than to address a boxful of expensive and meaningless
form cards. If, however, you do use the prevalent standard
forms, be sure you include the written line of thanks on it.
Make it personal. Remember the letter you received was
personal.
Letters seeking information or asking questions should be
answered promptly and as thoroughly as possible. Such letters
may be typed, for they arc businesslike replies. Just remember
that the letter represents you and your priesthood. If you
cannot give a complete answer immediately, send a short
courteous note that the inquiry has been received and you
arc gathering the information or referring it to the proper
sources for a thorough reply.

b)

SOCIAL REPLIES

When you answer letters from home, relatives, or friends,
let the letter be the type which makes their faces light up
when they recognize from the envelope that it is a message
from you.
The contents of the letter should reflect your personality
and your interests. Letter writing under these conditions is
not an art, but an outpouring of yourself.
There should be much of “you” in the letter and the words
will tumble magically from the typewriter. There should be
a lot about “us” in the typed sheet — the folks at home —
your pleasure about something we have done, or are planning
to do, our activities.
In other words, you do not need any rules for answering
these letters. They will be the closest substitute to a personal
visit. You will not be concerned about form but will be ab­
sorbed in content. These are the letters everyone likes to
receive, especially the folks at home.

CORRESPONDENCE

119

ECCLESIASTICAL FORMS FOR USE BY SEMINARIANS
Name

Envelope and Letter

Pope

His Holiness, Pope John ΧΧΤΠ
Vatican City
Salutation
Close
Your Holiness:
Your dutiful son,

Cardinal

His Eminence Albert Cardinal Meyer
Archbishop of Chicago
1555 North State Street
Chicago 10, Illinois
Non: Some dioceses, noUbly Boston, omit "His Eminence."

Salutation
Your Eminence:

Close
Respectfully yours in Christ,

Archbishop

The Most Reverend Paul J. Jones, D.D.
Archbishop of Winchester
55 Evergreen Avenue
Winchester 12, Minnesota
Salutation
Close
Your Excellency:
Respectfully yours in Christ,

Bishop

The Most Reverend John D. Ward, D.D.
Bishop of Melrose
4525 Long Avenue
Melrose 10, Nebraska
Salutation
Close
Your Excellency:
Respectfully yours in Christ.

Domestic
Prelate

The Right Reverend Monsignor Francis A. Murray1
5957 West Orange Boulevard
Santa Caterina, California
Non: Some dioceses. notably Boston, omit "Monsignor."

Salutation
Close
Right Reverend and
Respectfully yours in Christ,
Dear Monsignor, or
Dear Monsignor Murray:*
Papal
Chamberlain

The Very Reverend Monsignor Paul T. Brown1
St. Monica’s Rectory
1456 West Walnut Street
Milwaukee 3, Wisconsin
Non: Some diocese·, notably Boston, omit "Monsignor."

Salutation
Very Reverend and
Dear Monsignor, or
Dear Monsignor Brown:’

Close
Respectfully yours in Christ,

P.A. if Prothonotary Apostolic
P.P. if Permanent Pastor
V.F. if Rural Dean
» These informal titles are used according to the degree of relationship.

’Add:

120

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Name

Envelope and Letter

Rector of
Seminary

The Very Reverend Paul J. Lane, Rector
St. Damian's Seminary
1500 Ashley Road
St. Petersburg, Florida
(If the Rector is a Domestic Prelate or a Papal Chamberlain,
address him as noted (or these titles.)

Salutation
Dear Father Rector:

Close
Respectfully yours in Christ,

Rural Dean

The Very Reverend John Beck, V.F.
St. Jerome’s Rectory
Smithfield, Indiana
Salutation
Close
Dear Reverend Dean:
Respectfully yours in Christ,

Diocesan
Priest

The Reverend Carl M. Bauer, Pastor
St. Boniface Rectory
2610 Hartford Road
Hagerstown, Maryland
Salutation
Close
Dear Father:
Respectfully yours in Christ,

Clerica in
Major Orders

The Reverend Mr. James F. Faber
St. James Seminary
1000 Meridian Avenue
Bloomingdale, Utah
Salutation
Close
Dear Reverend Sir, or Respectfully yours in Christ, or
Dear James:1
Cordially yours,1

Seminarian

Mr. James E. Block
Mount Saint Mary Seminary
Greenville, Kentucky
Salutation
Close
Dear Mr. Block, or
Respectfully yours in Christ, or
Dear James:1
Cordially yours,1

PROPER FORMS FOR RELIGIOUS (MEN & WOMEN)
Name

Envelope and Letter

Abbot

The Right Reverend Ambrose Goldrick, O.S.B.1
St. Procopius Abbey
Lisle, Illinois
Salutation
Close
Dear Father Abbot:
Respectfully yours in
St. Benedict*

• Um letter» proper to his (or her) religious group. A complete list of abbreviations will
be found in the Catholic Directory under the title "Index for Statistics of Religious Orders’’
(or the various organizations of religious priests, Brothers, and Sisters.
« Use name of the religious founder or patron.

CORRESPONDENCE

Name

Envelope and Letter

Provincial

The Very Reverend John J. Block, O.P.3
Provincial Holy Name Province
1360 South Park Drive
Washburn, Ohio
Salutation
Dear Father Provincial:

Prior

Close
Respectfully yours in — 4

The Reverend Mother Mary Joseph3
Motherhousc of the Sacred Heart
876 Woodridge Drive
Doschester, Iowa

Salutation
Dear Reverend Mother, or
Reverend Mother:
Religious
Priest

Close
Respectfully yours in
St. Dominic,*

The Very Reverend George B. Trumble,3 Prior
Carmelite Priory of St. Cyril
Rochester 9, New York
Salutation
Dear Father Prior:

Mother
Superior

121

Close
Respectfully yours in — 4

The Very Reverend John K. Walter,3 or
The Reverend John K. Walter3
(According to rank or dignity, coruull Catholic Directory.}

Salutation
Dear Father Walter:

Brother

Close
Respectfully yours in —4

Brother Reginald3
(Add title to name if any, cj., “Superior" or "Principal.")

Salutation
Dear Brother:

Sister

Close
Respectfully yours in — 4 or
Fraternally yours,

Sister Mary Thomasine, C.J.C.’
(Add title to name if any, e<-. "Superior" or "Principal.")

Salutation
Dear Mother, or
Dear Sister:

Close
Respectfully yoursin —4
Fraternally yours.

or

Note: Some communities title the Superior “Reverend Mother."
eg., Reverend Mother Mary Thomasine. Some communities use the
title “Mother" for all its members, instead of "Sister.” Consult
Catholic Directory, if in doubt.

Chapter 16.

INTRODUCTIONS

Timid Approach
The matter of propriety in introductions gives much concern
to the seminarian and young priest. When you are confronted
with an actual situation, especially if you encounter it un­
expectedly, such as introducing your bishop to another, pre­
senting your classmates to your parents, introducing two
ladies to each other, you will probably flounder around in
a daze, and stammer out some incoherent jumble.
Calm yourself! There is a simple safeguard: Just remem­
ber two simple rules for general introductions and one special
one for clerics and dignitaries. First let’s consider the two
regular rules to be fixed firmly in your memory.
Here is an important hint: if you forget the more formi­
dable word introduction and substitute the simpler one present
much of your confusion will clear up.

First Rule of Introductions
To the woman always present the man.
The above is admittedly an awkward sentence, but the
woman must be mentioned first, “Mrs. Prima, this is Mr.
Secundus” or simply “Mrs. Smith, Mr. Brown.”
Today introductions (presentations) have become that plain
and simple, “Mrs. Smith, Mr. Brown.” In this age of rocket
speed the old forms are rapidly becoming obsolete. “May I
present?” or “May I introduce?” or “I have the honor to
122

INTRODUCTIONS

123

present” — all these stilted phrases, while formally correct,
are too stiff and slow-paced for modern usage.
Remembering the simple rule, “Mrs. Prima, Mr. Secundus”
you will easily avoid the bad forms . . . maybe they shouldn’t
even be mentioned . . . such as, “Shake hands with” or “Meet
Mr. Brown” or “Make the acquaintance of Mr. Brown.” Don’t
be caught with them anywhere — they are bad company!
Today it is (to repeat for emphasis) “Mrs. Smith, Mr.
Brown.” That is all you have to do to present a man to a
woman. Just mention the two names, always with “Ladies
first.” What could be simpler or easier for you to remember?
Just be sure that you enunciate both names clearly and
distinctly so that both people will understand them. Then
your job is done. The rest is in their hands.

Presenting the Family
It is best for you, as a prospective priest, to avoid first
name presentations, except with your immediate family.
“Mother, this is Mr. Brown.” “Mary, this is Mr. Brown —
my sister.” “George, this is Mr. Brown — my brother.”

Presenting a Group
When more than two people are involved in your presen­
tation, do not let the situation confuse you. It is really very
simple. Forget about rank or form or sex (for the moment).
Merely mention the newcomer’s name, “Mr. Brown,” then
the names of the others in the group in the order in which
they happen to be standing or sitting at the time. “Mr. Brown,
Mr. Smith, Mrs. Jones, Miss Jackson, Mr. Black.”
If the group is larger or inattentive, a general introduction
is not necessary. Just present Mr. Brown to the two or three
persons nearest to you and let the matter take care of itself
from there on.

124

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Second Rule of Introductions
The honored one’s name is always said first. “Mr. Primus,
Mr. Secundus.”
If you remember your first rule: “Ladies first” you won’t
have any trouble with this second one: “Important name
first.” However, don’t struggle with the fine distinctions, just
introduce them. Your instincts will tell you to mention the
more important name first. “Professor Yale, this is my brother,
Jim.” “Mother, this is my roommate, Frank Hanley.”
By the book you should present the young to the old, the
man to the woman, the boy to the girl, the lesser to the greater,
but you run into difficulties when you present a man to a man,
or a woman to a woman. How are you going to appraise
the age of woman, or the importance of men? Don’t court
trouble!

Safe Method
The secret of the procedure is to follow your instincts as
to the name mentioned first and then be sure to say both
names clearly and in the same tone of voice, giving no more
importance to one than to the other. “Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Jones.”
With this short form, nobody will really notice or care if
you miss a fine distinction of seniority or importance. Again,
just introduce them in the same tone of voice and let them
pick it up from there. “Mr. Thomas, Mr. Brown.”

Third Rule of Introductions
Here we have the exceptions for clergy and officials which
you as a priest will encounter in making introductions.
The general rule still holds: mention the name of the senior
first: “Monsignor Daley, Father Burns.”
The exceptions arise in the presentation to Church prelates

INTRODUCTIONS

125

and clergymen, public executives and officials. These excep­
tions impose some restrictions on the “Ladies first,” and there
is a sharp distinction between the accepted formula for men
and that for women. It will be necessary to consider them in
their respective order.
I.

Presentation of Men to Clergy

You may seldom be called on to present anyone to a
cardinal or a bishop, but you will frequently introduce a
monsignor or your pastor.
The general rule holds: Mention the name of the dignitary
first and present the clergyman or the layman to him. “Mon­
signor Daley, this is my father, Mr. Hopkins.”
The Correct Title

The proper salutation for these various ranks in dignity is
definitely fixed. They are:
Rank
Cardinal
Archbishop (Bishop)
Monsignor (All)
Priests (All)

Address
Your Eminence
Your Excellency
Monsignor
Father

You follow the regular simple form: “Your Eminence,
Father Jones, my classmate.” or “Your Excellency, my father,
Mr. Hopkins.”
All bishops are addressed “Your Excellency” and the
same formula is used for all of them, archbishops, bishops,
auxiliaries.
When you present anyone to a monsignor or to another
priest, you may shade the formality somewhat and say “Mon­
signor, this is Father Jones, a classmate,” or “Father Smith,
this is my brother, Frank.”

126

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

When you introduce priests to each other, you are on
common ground and you say, “Father Smith, Father Jones.”
Here it isn’t so important which name you mention first
unless one is obviously the senior in service or dignity. Then
accord him the distinction of being mentioned first. But this
point does not have to be labored. You will do it almost
intuitively.
You can ease the awkward pause which may follow the
introduction by a brief supplementary sentence. “Father Smith
is from the seminary, Father Jones is on the mission band.”
Then let the two priests pick it up from there.
II.

Presentation of Women to Clergy

Here is one place where the women gracefully relinquish
their first place.
A woman is always presented to a cardinal, a bishop, or
a monsignor, and it is not incorrect to present her to a priest.
The correct form is, “Your Eminence (or your Excellency),
Mrs. Thomas.”
For the monsignor you mention his name, “Monsignor
Curley, Mrs. Thomas.”
This simplified form is rapidly replacing the more formal
“Your Excellency (or Monsignor), may I present Mrs.
Thomas?” The reason for the change is obvious: introductions
(or presentations) are no longer stilted. They are simple and
unaffected. Nobody will note the form of your presentation
if your manner is gracious.
Anent Priests

In the case of priests it is not incorrect to present the
women to them and this rule may be safely followed, but a
subtle distinction enters in this area — you have to be guided
by circumstances and seniority. But, again, your own sense

INTRODUCTIONS

127

of fitness will direct you. However, you stand for all intro­
ductions, as do all men being introduced.
Here are a few illustrations. If the priest is a veteran in the
service, it is a nice gesture to present your mother (or any
other woman) to him.
If he is your pastor or one of your professors, you should
present your relatives to him. “Father Murphy, this is my
aunt, Mrs. Sawyer.”
If you are on the same seniority level as the priest, or
if he is a close associate, you can quite properly present him
with “Mother, this is Father Horan, you have heard me speak
of him. We are classmates” or whatever fits the circumstances.
But in any situation do not be unduly disturbed about the
form. If your manner is gracious nobody will be critical, or
even notice the method used.
III.

Presentation to Public Executives and Officials

Here again the standard rules apply. The more honorable
name is mentioned first and you present your relatives or
friends to him, addressing the honorable one by his official
title. “Mr. President,” “Senator Hanagan,” “Mr. White” (for
a Congressman), “Mayor Daley,” or “Mr. Mayor,” “Judge
White,” “Doctor Nash” — and so on through the official list.
You present all your male relatives or friends to them.
“Mr. Mayor (or Mayor Daley, my father, Mr. Williams.”
However, it is “Ladies First” with a few exceptions. You say
“Mother, Judge Sewalocki, my mother, Mrs. Williams.” You
add that appendix “My mother, Mrs. Williams” to save the
Judge any embarrassment about names, for undoubtedly he
meets many people and might be lost for the moment as to
your family name.
You probably won’t ever encounter the exceptions for
women, but it is well to know them. Here they are: You

128

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

present the woman to the President, to any member of a
reigning family and to a foreign ambassador.
You can forget about the last two — royalty and ambassa­
dor— but if you are ever lucky enough to introduce your
mother, sister, or aunt to our President, the form is, “Mr.
President, I have the honor to present my mother, Mrs.
Hamilton.” In this stately situation the formal presentation
is still the practice.

Priest

to

Priest

Here is a situation the seminarian and the young priest
will meet frequently at seminary functions, ordinations, parish
church celebrations — wherever the clergy gather for church
services.
While vesting in the rectory or sacristy, during the proces­
sion, after services, in the social hour following the affair,
in any of these situations older priests may introduce them­
selves to you. The veteran will simply say, “I’m Father (or
Frank) Jones” and extend his hand. The younger priest re­
plies in kind: “I’m Fred Stone.”
The young priest will shake hands and acknowledge the
greeting, but — and here comes the rub — it seems that al­
most invariably the young priest will fail to mention his own
name. The older priest who was fraternal enough to introduce
himself is then placed in the awkward position of being com­
pelled to say, “And what is your name, Father?”
Don’t you, the young priest, be guilty of this execrable
fault. Make a mental note now, as you read this, to always
give your name clearly and distinctly to the priest who was
gracious enough to introduce himself in the first place.
This same routine will hold when you are in your own
rectory, only this time you must take the initiative. If the
pastor has a priest guest in the house, or in the living room,

INTRODUCTIONS

129

and you come upon him for the first time, it is your obligation
to introduce yourself to him, “I’m Father White, the assistant.”
You can be assured that the guest priest will know how to
pick it up from there.
The same procedure is followed if you should answer the
doorbell and a priest is standing there. You do not question
him, but hold the door open for him and introduce yourself,
“I’m Father White, the assistant,” then respectfully await
developments.
This mentioning of your own name must also be remem­
bered when some layman introduces himself to you, at a
sports event, in an airport, wherever people meet in public.
It is a friendly gesture on the part of the layman and you
should respond with equal affability. Speak your name clearly.
If it is a difficult one — all the more reason for you to be
articulate.

When YOU Are Presented
Now on the other side of the coin, how should you act
when you are introduced?
To a Prelate

If you are presented to a cardinal or a bishop, you extend
your right hand. The prelate puts his right hand in yours.
You bend your knee and kiss his ring.
Note: Strictly speaking according to the social authori­
ties, you genuflect — and that on the left knee — only when
meeting your ordinary within your own diocese when you
kiss his ring. But practice is becoming more extensive in this
regard, so it is not improper to make the genuflection to any
bishop you meet. Also, it is awkward for you to genuflect on
the left knee, since you are accustomed to using the right
knee, so most people are using the right knee.

130

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Some bishops have a little trick of grasping your hand in
such a manner that it indicates they do not wish you to bend
your knee. You will catch on quickly. It is the kissing of
the ring that is indulgenced.
To a Man
First of all you stand whether being introduced to a man
or woman. Then you say, “How do you do,” but don’t make
a question out of it by using a rising inflection. It docs not
require an answer.
You may repeat the newly met person’s name if you like
(and it is a good thing to do so to fix it in your memory),
but never acknowledge the introduction with just a curt “Mr.
Simpson.” Instead say, “How do you do, Mr. Simpson.”
You shake hands with Mr. Simpson, and no matter how
bored you are about the whole situation, don’t take it out on
Mr. Simpson. Maybe he feels the same way about it, but
match his smile and cordiality.
An Important Warning: When you shake hands with Mr.
Simpson, do not give him an exhibition of your strength by
squeezing his hand as though it is caught in a vise. The poor
fellow may have arthritis and may be just getting the circula­
tion back after his recent encounter with your classmate and
his athletic prowess. If you give Mr. Simpson a championship
handshake he will long remember you, but not pleasantly.
Give him a firm grasp but omit the extra pressure.

To a Woman

To Mrs. Simpson, you give a courteous nod, but you do not
offer your hand, unless she first offers hers, which she will
probably do to a priest. But, again, don’t make her regret
that she did so by your painful pressure.

INTRODUCTIONS

131

On the Street
If the introduction to a man takes place outdoors and your
hands are gloved, as in winter street wear, you do not remove
the right glove, nor do you say ‘‘Please excuse my glove.”
This remark is falling into disuse because of the obviousness
of the situation — a handshake can’t wait until you peel off
the glove, and the glove is proper attire for street wear, so
why call attention to a normal situation?
If the man raises his hat to you, as he will probably do,
you return the courtesy.

Meeting the Ladies

In the case of a lady being introduced to you on the street
you raise your hat and acknowledge the introduction, but
you do not offer to shake hands unless she first offers to do so.
Then you can follow the above method for the glove routine.

Conclusion
If in reading this section you are inclined to scoff at all
these detailed regulations, just read the following excerpt.
Very Reverend Francis J. Connell, C.Ss.R., Catholic Uni­
versity, Washington, D. C., has this to say about introduc­
tions and courtesy toward others in his little pamphlet, “The
Gentlemanly Priest.”
Courtesy demands that the priest learn and use the titles
proper to dignitaries of church and state. It is essential for a
gentleman to be a gentle man. The priest’s kindness must be
universal in its scope.
The priest who is courteous and suave towards the exquisite
members of the young ladies’ sodality but grouchy and
querulous towards the old housekeeper whose charms have
long since departed does not show himself a very apt pupil
in learning the meekness of his Divine Master.

132

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

However, in his dealing with others the priest can jail by
excessive obsequiousness as well as by lack of respect. There
is nothing praiseworthy from the standpoint of humility or
obedience or courtesy in a bearing that betokens extreme
timidity. There is no reason why the priest, elevated as he
is by his sacred office, should become frightened and non­
plussed when he is in the company of some eminent personage.

The truth of the matter is that the truly great are very simple
and unassuming, and wish to be treated without excessive
marks of deference. It is only the man who lacks genuine
greatness of soul that is constantly solicitous that others do
not forget the position he happens to have attained in civil

or ecclesiastical circles.

So govern yourself accordingly.

Chapter 17.

GOOD MANNERS IN
ACTION

General
The conduct proposed in this chapter offers you an oppor­
tunity to practice good manners in many concrete ways.
The list is by no means exhaustive. It is merely exploratory
of some specific ways in which you can put what you have
learned, by reading this book, into your practical everyday
seminary life. It is, as it were, an examination of conscience,
whereby you may see wherein you can improve your exempli­
fication of Christian charity toward your fellow seminarians,
and also to survey how you can improve your own actions,
so as to advance on the road to Christian perfection.
No effort has been made to “prove-in” these questions.
They are classified in their surroundings, where they operate,
and it is easy for you to make subjective analysis when you
arc in that particular environment. Just ask yourself the ques­
tion: How do I score in this test? Can I answer “Yes” to all
these questions? If you can do so you rate an “A.” If not,
then mark yourself accordingly, with a resolution to improve
in the deficiency ratings.

In the Sacristy
Dress: Do I pass inspection as to hands, fingernails, hair,
white shirt, surplice, and cassock — are all in good order?
Rules: Do I remember that silence is golden? Do I keep
133

134

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

dignified silence during rehearsal in sacristy and sanctuary?
Do I refrain from chitchat with other seminarians or servers?
Promptness: Am I on time for assignments so that the
priest and community are not kept waiting?
Conduct: Do I observe the proprieties of saying “Good
Morning” to the priest? Do I assist him with his coat if neces­
sary? Do I help him with the vestments? Do I have altar and
candles ready?
If other Masses are in progress while I am waiting, do
I observe reverence by kneeling at the Consecration, Com­
munion, and Blessing?
Am I exact in the observance of the rubrics, ceremonies,
and Latin of the Mass? Have I learned the proper use of
hands, holding of cruets, signs of the cross, genuflections, etc.?

In the Chapel
Do I kneel up straight in chapel? Sit erect? Keep feet on
floor? Refrain from looking around?
Do I receive Holy Communion properly? That is, with
eyes closed? Head back? Mouth opened properly and tongue
well extended?
(Note: Later on you will be training children in proper
behavior in this respect, so learn well yourself.)

Waiting on Table
Do I pass inspection as to: hands, fingernails, hair, clean
shirt, well-pressed trousers, white coat (or apron)?
Do I observe the technique of serving food and removing
dishes? Pouring coffee? Am I always ready for emergencies?
Always on time? Quick to anticipate the wishes of the diners?
Do I observe silence? Refrain from “whistling while I
work”?
Do I guard against: Clattering dishes? Slopping food?

GOOD MANNERS IN ACTIOxN

135

Dropping dishes or silverware? Appropriating food not per­
mitted to me? Rushing through the job as an unwelcome
task ... to be finished as quickly as possible?

In the Classroom
Do I realize that clock watching, or wristwatch inspec­
tion, is an open affront to the professor? Do I restrain such
impulses?
Do I repress the urge to shuffle, stretch, or yawn during
class? Do I realize that if I don’t smother the inclination it
will be a visible message to the professor (and to my class­
mates) that I am bored?
Am I inclined, half-consciously, to moan and groan aloud
over the announcements the professor makes? If so, do I
control the impulse and keep my insurgence to myself?
Do I sit up straight in class? Do I control the flash to kick
the scat in front of me in order to register my disapproval?
Do I always address the professor as “Father”?
Do I realize that I will build up discontent in the class by
complaining about the professor, his methods, his tempera­
ment, his idiosyncrasies, if he has any? Do I ever think ahead:
“Some day I may be in his place, looking out on other
students?”
Do I on written tests fill my paper with lots of slang, un­
grammatical expressions, irrelevant matter, misspelled words?
Am I foolish enough to think the professor will be dazzled
by my loquaciousness? Or that he will ignore my attitude, or
my assumed erudition?

In Sports
Am I a true sportsman under all circumstances? If you
can’t answer that question affirmatively, then give yourself
this detailed test:

136

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Do I wish to win the game by any and every shady means
possible? Is winning my sole motivation?
Do I expect breaks myself, but never give them to others?
Do I do anything to help the unskilled player acquire tech­
nique? Or am I a curmudgeon with my skill?
Do I rush out on the gym floor, or the athletic field, to
protest angrily the decision of the official?
Do I berate the officials in front of team and spectators,
at summer camp, or when I am coaching a team?
Do I lose sight of the “spiritual direction” of my team
when I give vent to such verbal barrage on the officials?
Do I try to be a good sport in losing, and a modest hero
in winning?

During Recreation
Here are a few pointers for recreation, and at other times.
These are not put in question form, but given as admonitions.
However, if you wish to examine yourself critically on these
items, you can “score” yourself privately on your rating.
Display some animation during this period. Do not be
spongelike, absorbing everything. Be a “doer” contributing
something.
Add something to the conversation, if it is only to raise
the tone from that of a critical note to one of laudation.
Don’t build up a private “clique.” Talk to everybody
(who will listen to you). Listen to everybody who wants to
talk, even though it bores you.
Don’t walk with just a few favored friends, but make
companions of all. Of course, you like some better than
others, that is natural. But remember recreation, talks and
walks, sports and discussions are for all. They are common
exercises; make your part in them general, not confined to a
few select intimates.

GOOD MANNERS IN ACTION

137

Beware of pranks and “practical” jokes. They can be
harmful and they can wound seriously. Have your fun, but if
you want to make someone the butt of your jokes, make the
victim yourself. Then you won’t hurt anybody.

At Other Times
Here are a few suggestions for practicing charity and
gaining Christian virtue.
Help slow students with their studies. If you are a near­
genius, use the talents God has given you to help the less
endowed. But do it quietly and privately.
Take corrections, from faculty or classmates, as a man.
Don’t resent them, don’t sulk, don’t be a crybaby.
Share your visitors with others who may not be so
fortunate.
Don’t be selfish or greedy, either at the table or in your
room. Here is an example. It is not only bad manners, but
it shows the selfish streak, if you take linens, blankets,
furnishings from the supply rooms or from vacant rooms.
Your selfishness is showing! If you need any new equipment,
or you want to borrow any temporarily, such as floor polishers
or vacuum cleaners, the one simple and polite way is for you
to ask for it.
Don’t be a kill-joy. Just because you are an upperclass­
man, don’t picture to the younger seminarians the hard
road ahead; the heavy load; the difficult years; the terrible
grind. You may be a prophet of doom, but it doesn’t follow
that he is. He may enjoy the very work you found so
difficult. He may like camp, for instance, which you didn’t;
he may be good in sports, which you disliked.
Let him live his own happy life with his own rosy outlook.
Be a man!

Chapter 18.

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN
MASS

Your Goal Achieved
All your years of study, your spiritual development, your
social training find their culmination in your First Solemn
Mass. You return to your native parish, to your former
grade school, to your relatives and friends as a priest of God.
It is a day of celebration for the entire congregation, a
time of thanksgiving for your relatives, a humbling experi­
ence for you when you ascend the altar “a priest forever.”
You have practiced the rubrics of the Mass for many days.
You arc letter perfect in all the ceremonies and the prayers.
Your ministers are seasoned veterans. You need not agitate
yourself too much over the church services. They will be
performed properly. But there are other details which will
concern you.

Guiding Principles
In any preparations you (or your family) may contem­
plate for your First Mass, the essential consideration must
be the rigid observance of all regulations your bishop may
have designated for such occasions, as well as strict com­
pliance with any restrictions he may have placed upon the
accompanying social celebrations.
It will be easy for you to familiarize yourself before
ordination with such regulations by consulting your former
associates who were ordained a year or two before you.
Probably some tradition exists in your seminary regarding
138

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

139

these matters. If any doubt arises as to the propriety of any
church or social observance, clear the doubt with your pastor
before proceeding with your arrangements.

Other Details

There are, however, many other details of the day and the
events leading up to it which must be planned in advance
by you and your relatives. These particulars are enumerated
here and directed to your attention in some detail, for you
will be on retreat immediately before ordination and absorbed
with many last minute sacerdotal preparations. You cannot
be called into consultation at that time. Thus the purpose
of this chapter is to specify the major details concerning your
First Mass, and the mode of procedure regarding them, as
they affect you, so that you may plan rationally before the
final retreat.
General

There are many variants to First Mass celebrations. Much
of the detailed observance depends upon extraneous circum­
stances. For instance, the place: a large parish in a big
city, a suburban district, a country church — the details
vary greatly in these given circumstances. Other factors that
affect the celebration are whether First Masses are fairly
regular in the church or whether it is an extraordinary event.
Also to be considered are the social status and affluence of
your immediate family, their acquaintance with the present
pastor and with the members of the congregation.
These, and many other diverse factors determine the size
and extent of the social observance of the event. Only the
general rules can be mentioned here. They will have to be
adjusted to the special circumstances surrounding your par­
ticular celebration.

140

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

Caution
It is well, however, to emphasize one caution here.
In preparation for the First Mass, and the incidental
observance, it must be stressed that the central celebration is
a spiritual one, the Solemn Mass itself. All other functions,
decorations, church ornaments, flowers, singing, etc., should
be subordinate to the Mass itself.
For instance, aisle carpets, sidewalk canopy, festoons on
pews, these and similar decorations (and formal dress for
male relatives or ushers) arc quite proper for wedding
ceremonies where the attention is centered on the bride, but
they are not appropriate for First Masses where the Sacrifice
of the Altar by the newly ordained priest is the essential
element. There is also the matter of photographers. In some
churches and at some weddings they swarm all over the
sanctuary with flashing bulbs at every action. This is not
proper for a First Mass. Moreover the pastor of the church
may have his own definite regulations regarding the matter of
photography.
Just remember that there is a fitting congruity or balance
between the essentials and the incidentals which must not
be disturbed. For instance, a small church, or a modernistic
altar, can be overdecorated by a simple floral arrangement
which would be lost in a large church, or on a gothic altar.
The prudent method in this regard, irrespective of who
furnishes the decorations, is to be guided by the pastor’s
advice or by the officers of the Altar Society who are
experienced in this matter.

The Remote Preparation
The church arrangements and the predetermined general
plan of entertainment and hospitality must be made well in

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

141

advance. Common sense dictates that the overall financial
outlay be proportionate to the family’s social status and to
its pecuniary resources.
Here again there is a nicely balanced distinction between
what is correct and suitable under the given conditions and
what is pretentious and incongruous. Guests are quick to
distinguish the genuine from the ostentatious. Keep in your
own orbit and make your festive plans accordingly. This
general overall policy should be clearly understood in the
family circle before any definite commitments are made.

The Proximate Preparation
The first immediate preparation must be made with your
pastor. Much depends upon the degree of your relationship
with him. If he has sponsored you, or followed your progress
in the clerical state, these arrangements will be easy and
informal. But if your family has moved into another parish,
or city, you may wish your First Mass in the old parish or
elsewhere. Then, tact will be required on your part in dealing
with the two pastors.
If you are not well acquainted with the pastor your meet­
ing with him may be more formal and impersonal. But it
should take place preferably well before your ordination date,
but at the latest, on your last visit home as a deacon.
You must remember that it is liis church, altar, choir, altar
boys, ushers, congregation. You are requesting the use of
his resources and his church for your special occasion. He
may have his own ideas regarding the hour of your First Mass
and the length of your special services, especially if another
scheduled Mass follows your First Mass.
You must keep in mind that if a tight schedule exists in
the church services, the length of the sermon for your Mass
may disrupt the regular program. Advise your preacher in

142

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

advance of the situation and the time element. You must also
remember to allow time for your First Blessing (and the
imparting of the Papal Blessing, if you are empowered to
give it) and the egress of the people. You will probably find
your pastor agreeable to all your reasonable proposals, but
if an impasse develops you must conform to the pastor’s
decision.

The Choir
You will probably find your pastor readily agreeable to all
your proposals. The problem of the choir, however, or the
singing may be a precarious matter. The pastor or the choir
director or the choir members may resent the importation of
special soloists, or choristers, or organist for the occasion if
you make this proposal. If there is any feeling in the matter
you should not make a major issue of it. Keep things in
proper perspective and maintain your tranquillity. The Mass
itself is the major event. It will be remembered long after the
singing is forgotten. So be on your guard against stirring up
a hornet’s nest.

Circumstances Vary
The pastor may have his own ideas on the matter of proces­
sion, first blessing and clergy breakfast in the rectory, follow­
ing the Mass. He may have his thoughts on a parish reception
in the church hall, a parish dinner in the school building. Or
if it is a large city parish, First Masses may be an annual
event to him and he may be too busy to give your celebration
any special consideration.
On the other hand if you live in the suburbs or the country
a First Mass may be an unusual event. The pastor may wish
to make it a red-letter day with much solemnity and display.

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

143

The Pastor Consulted
These details must be worked out with the pastor in person
(not by letter). Once you have reached agreement on the
essential details, the family plans for dinner, reception, etc.,
can be dovetailed into the major program as determined by
your interview with the pastor.
Incidentally this interview should also diplomatically estab­
lish the official function you wish the pastor to perform at
your First Mass. If you wish to select your own ministers and
preacher from among your classmates or professors, it is al­
ways a courteous request to ask the pastor to be the archpriest.
He will, then, not feel that he has been overlooked or left
out of the scene in his own church. Much depends upon the
degree of your relationship with the pastor and his own
personal temperament. In any event do not wound his
sensibilities.

Clerical Guests
The out-of-town clerical guests who are to assist at your
First Mass arc your guests and your responsibility. The pastor
is under no obligation to lodge them, although if he has avail­
able space he may graciously offer to do so.
You probably already know the capacity of the parish
rectory, so do not let any embarrassing situation arise. You
can inform the pastor what arrangements you have made for
their lodging — preferably at a hotel (where previous reser­
vations have been secured in your name with the specification
that you will honor all charges).
It will then be easy for you to determine the pastor’s wishes
regarding the visitors’ Masses — whether he wishes them to
say public Masses in the Church, or private Masses at the

144

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

convent, on the side altars, or elsewhere. This way the house­
keeper will know how many to expect for breakfast and will
be prepared.

The Invitations
Once the actual date of your ordination is set, your parents
should think about invitations. In all probability they already
have a tentative list made up, but now it can be completed.
This is one of the tasks that devolves on your parents, or
your immediate relatives if your parents are deceased.
This is not the place to detail the obligations and conven­
tional forms and practices for the parents, relatives, and their
guests. Here we are concerned exclusively with those matters
which pertain to you, the newly ordained priest.
Parents and relatives will find all the church and home
etiquette, the reception, seating arrangements, costumes, sam­
ple invitations, menus, etc., amply covered in Mrs. Kay Toy
Fenner’s American Catholic Etiquette under the chapter
“Holy Orders.” This chapter covers in detail the parents’ ac­
tivity and etiquette for the ordination and the First Mass.

A Reminder
There is only one reminder for you, the ordained, before
the invitations arc sent out: make sure that your parents
have your special list of friends you wish invited. And be
sure to include on your list the Sisters and the lay teachers
who taught you in grade school or elsewhere. They are so
often forgotten, and you, perhaps, like so many other priests
owe much to them for planting the seeds of vocation in your
early schooldays. If you don’t know the present address of a
particular Sister, send the invitation to the parish school or
motherhouse. It will be forwarded.

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

145

The Reception or Dinner
In some dioceses there are definite regulations (or approved
practices) regarding receptions and public dinners for First
Masses.
If your parents, or an organization, are contemplating such
a social event, the first thing to do is to clear the matter with
the pastor.
Then, you, the honored guest, need not concern yourself
about the details of the arrangements, for those in charge
will be fully competent to manage the affair.
Your only concern here is to make doubly sure that the
pastor and the curates are formally invited — a detail which
is sometimes neglected.
You may also express your wishes that the dinner (if one
be given) start at the specified time; that no liquor be served;
that there be a minimum of speeches. The whole emphasis
here is that the social observance must not overshadow the
spiritual significance of the event — the First Mass, and the
church services.

Publicity
One detail on which many newly ordained priests fail is
in proper newspaper publicity of the First Mass. This applies
both to the Catholic and the daily press. And there is no
good reason for this failure. It arises, in large part, from a
lack of technical knowledge of the proper procedure. A First
Mass is news and the papers are glad to have it, but you must
take it to them. Just keep in mind a few simple rules.
The amount of space (coverage) you will receive from the
daily press will be proportionate to its circulation. In a large
city you will receive small notices. In a suburban or country
place you will receive much more space, for it is important

146

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

news to the limited number of subscribers of the local paper.
Your diocesan Catholic paper will probably cover your
class ordination, with names, pictures, and places of First
Masses. This information is usually supplied by the seminary
with your assistance. But, if you sing your First Mass outside
the diocese you should furnish the Catholic paper of the area
with the pertinent information and a photo.

Preparing the Story
Your publicity should be prepared in advance, as soon as
you have the details completed. If there are several news­
papers in your city you should send a copy of the story to
each newspaper together with accompanying photos. The
story may be the same for all the papers with a release date
on it. The papers will do their own editing of the story.
The copy you send the newspapers should be typed and
double spaced. It should be composed in regular newspaper
style, so that the facts are told in the first paragraph. The
rest are the details — important ones first, minor ones toward
the end. Thus the rewrite man in the newspaper office can
delete the details as much as he wishes to fit die available
space and yet have a complete story of facts. If you are in
any doubt about the composition of your story, consult some
of the articles written in the local and Catholic press of former
First Masses.

Obtaining the Pictures
The photographs are a different matter. They must be
unmounted glossy prints with your name typed out on a slip
of paper attached with scotch tape to the back of the picture.
Do not write on the back of a photograph; the impression
will show upon the reproduction. You should send different
studies, or poses, to the various papers, but this is not im-

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

147

perative. All of the pictures should be bust size, that is,
“studio photo.”
It will be easy for you to secure different poses. Your
photographer will probably take several exposures — some
with cassock, some in street clothes. Just request several
glossy prints of each pose as you may require. These prints
do not have to be “retouched” by the photographer. They
will serve the newspaper’s purpose without retouching. Do
not request that the newspaper return your photo. You only
make trouble for yourself and the newspaper. The cost to
you of an unfinished glossy print is negligible.

A Reminder
Another source of publicity often neglected is your high
school and college papers; your fraternity or honor society
if you belonged to one; your fraternal publication, such as
the K. of C. or other clubs in which you hold membership.
These publications welcome news of their members, especially
First Masses. They have no resources for gathering such in­
formation themselves. So give them the same copy and photo­
graphs you do the newspapers.

Souvenir Cards
It is customary for the newly ordained priest to distribute
holy cards imprinted with his name and date of ordination or
First Mass.
There are many samples readily available at the seminary
and at religious-goods stores. The type selected and the in­
scription used are matters of individual taste. But use restraint
in your printed message. The essential facts, without embel­
lishments, make the most appropriate souvenirs. The quantity
ordered and the distribution are optional. There are no rigid
rules in these matters.

148

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

The only reason for mentioning the subject at all is a re­
minder to you that such cards should be selected and ordered
well in advance, so as to assure delivery before your First
Mass.
Gifts to You

Naturally your relatives and friends will wish to express
their happiness at your First Mass by sending you presents.
It is the accepted American way of sharing personally in your
First Mass and in recognizing your honors.
Selecting an appropriate gift for you will not be an easy
task for your friends. There are so few presents which are of
practical use for you, the newly ordained priest.
It is no longer considered unconventional or improper to
send the newly ordained a check. Today when parents or
relatives, or even priests, arc asked for information on the
type of gift to be sent to the newly ordained they answer
quite frankly: “There are so few tilings he needs, and these
will be duplicated many times. Vestments, cassocks, or cloth­
ing are not practical gifts. Why not send him a check?
Then he can combine his gifts and get something he really
needs: his own chalice; a new typewriter; a tape recorder for
his sermons; or something he may have looked forward to
for several years.”
Some of these gifts or checks will arrive before your First
Mass, either at your home or to you personally. You must
make a list of them immediately for acknowledgment, and
instruct the folks at home to follow the same practice. (See
below “Keep a List.”)
Your Thanks for Gifts

It is an inflexible rule of society that gifts must be ac­
knowledged promptly and personally. This rule applies with

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

149

special force to you, the newly ordained priest. It is a sad
fact and critical comment that this rule is flagrantly violated
by thoughtless people and sometimes by priests, but you must
not be classified with them.
If a friend thinks enough of you and your elevation to the
priesthood to send you a congratulatory message or a Mass
intention, or a present, you are honor bound by your office
and by your social code to acknowledge it with a personal
written message. You will never be excused by even your most
intimate friends if you neglect this simple courtesy.

Keep a List
You must prepare yourself beforehand for this “thank you.”
Obtain a pocket-sized book in which you will jot down, as
soon as they arrive, the gifts or checks and the names and
addresses of the donors. You must instruct your relatives to
do the same thing for gifts that are delivered to the house by
mail or in person. Don’t trust your memory! Keep a daily
record.

Your Acknowledgments
Then, after your First Mass is over and the excitement
subsides you must begin to acknowledge these congratula­
tions and these gifts. You cannot delegate, or relegate, it to
another. This duty is not transferable. You must perform it
in person and by a personally written note. And it must be
done promptly.
Convention makes only one concession to you. There are
religious “thank you” cards and other appropriate religious
note paper available in most Catholic goods stores which
may be used for this purpose. The use of these cards is per­
missible today, but the message itself must be in your own
handwriting.

150

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

The message must carry a personal intimate tone and the
present (or check) must be mentioned by name. Here is
where your little notebook serves its purpose. Do not mention
the amount of the check, but you can write what you expect
to do with it. Your “thank you’’ note need not be letter­
length, but it must be personalized. You may end it with
your priestly blessing or with a promise of a rememberance
in your prayers and Masses.

Other Notes You Must Write
When the above obligations have been discharged, you still
have two more duties to perform: You owe letters of thanks
to all those who did so much to make your First Mass the
wonderful event it was; and you owe little gifts to be given
by you to others who assisted you in special ways. First your
written messages.
The above procedure must also be followed for all con­
gratulatory cards (without presents) which you receive. These
notes may be brief but not curt, and they must be written
in your own hand.

Letters of Thanks
You owe special thanks to many who helped you in various
ways. Here is just a partial list to refresh your memory.
These names, and others you will think of yourself, should
be jotted down in your little book. You owe thanks to so
many that you will forget someone if you do not mark these
names down.

Suggestive List
The cathedral rector, where your ordination took place;
the ordination retreat master; your pastor; the curates; the
Sisters; the organist; the choir director and the choir; the

YOUR FIRST SOLEMN MASS

151

head usher; the sacristan; the societies. Also, the priests who
assisted you as ministers; your preacher; those who planned
your dinner or reception; the Sisters and lay teachers of your
school; others whose names will rise readily to your memory.
All these names belong in your little notebook.
All these should receive your personally written letter or
card of thanks, and others who helped in some special manner.
Your own little memorandum book will contain the names of
others to whom you are obligated. They must not be forgotten.

Your Gifts to Others
Your special material thanks should be given by you to
others. For instance, the ministers who assisted you and your
preacher should receive some tangible expression of your
gratitude — a set of cuff links (they probably have a dozen
sets already) or something personal for their desk, library,
or hobby. To the altar boys should be given silver medals
or rosaries, or something of a religious character.
To your own parents — your own love will dictate your
gift to them; to your relatives to whom you arc especially in­
debted for some feature of your celebration, and to others
to whom you owe a debt of gratitude. Your own judgment
will suggest gifts of an appropriate nature.
The major thought here is that you must not be entirely
on the receiving end. Christ’s admonition to His first Apos­
tles was: “Freely you have received, freely give” (Mt 10:8).

Well Done!
It should be a labor of love to thank all these people. If
you do so you will have the personal satisfaction that you
have observed the conventionalities. You must, especially, be
conscientious in acknowledging all gifts and congratulations
that come from non-Ca(holies. To fail in this respect would

152

SOCIAL MANUAL FOR SEMINARIANS

be to neglect your new stewardship. To fulfill this social
obligation will be a good start on your life of service to
mankind. You will never know in this world how much your
little thoughtful messages will have done for those who recieved them; you will never know what warmhearted thoughts
they may have inspired in those people toward you and the
priesthood you represent. You will be fulfilling your mission
“Go into the whole world and preach — ” and many a prayer
may ascend heavenward for your stewardship.

"Put on therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy
and beloved, a heart of mercy, kindness, humility,
meakness, patience.

“Bear with one another and forgive one another,
if anyone has a grievance against any other; even as
the Lord has forgiven you, so also do you forgive.
“But above all these things have charity, which
is the bond of perfection.
“And may the peace of Christ reign in your
hearts; unto that peace, indeed, you were called
in one body. Show yourselves thankful”

(Col 3:12-15).

Sources
Principal
New Esquire Etiquette for Men,

Esquire

Editors

(Welch),

Lippincott, 1959.
Additional
American Catholic Etiquette, Kay Toy Fenner, Newman Press,
1961.
Catholic Layman’s Book of Etiquette, Robert C. Broderick,

Catechetical Guild, 1957.
Christian Courtesy Series, Archdiocese of Chicago, School Board,
1958.
Clerical Etiquette, Joseph M. Connors, S.V.D. (mimeographed).
Complete Book of Etiquette, A. Vanderbilt, Doubleday & Co.,

1957.
Courtesy for Clerics, Hermannus, Liverpool, London, 1950.
Courtesy in the Convent, The School Sisters of Notre Dame,
Newman Press, 1952.
Emily Post’s Etiquette, Funk & Wagnails, 1957.
Praying in Public, Rev. Thomas Regis Murphy, The Bruce Pub­
lishing Co., 1959.
Priestly Practices, Arthur Barry O’Neill, C.S.C., Notre Dame
Press, 1914.
Prophets of the Better Hope, Wm. J. Kerby, Bruce, 1946.
The Considerate Priest, Wm. J. Kerby, Catholic University Press,

1950.
The Gentlemanly Priest, Francis J. Connell, C.Ss.R., Grail, 1947.
The Voice With A Smile, Illinois Bell Telephone Company
(pamphlet).
Today’s Etiquette Questions Answered, A. Vanderbilt, Doubleday

& Co., 1956.

155

INDEX

Accidents, see Automobile
Address, ecclesiastical, forms of,
119 IT; proper, 112
Advice giving, in sports, 61
Affability. definition, xii; St. Thomas
Aquinas on, xi f
Affectation, in dress, 5
Airplane, and railroads, failure to
show, 54; reservations, 54
Apologies, in sports. 61
Apology, letters of, 116
Apostolatc. natural means in, xiv
/\ppointmcnts, medical. 68
Augustine, St., on manners, 7
Automobile, accidents, 86; assistance
in accidents. 92; causes of acci­
dents. 88; children at play, 90;
conduct toward officers, 92; con­
sideration of others, 90; dishonest
people in accidents, 88; distress
signals, 91; driver’s license, 85;
driving habits, 85 f; driving man­
ners. 89; driving rented cars, 86;
hitchhikers, 91; holdup men, 91;
insurance on. 85 f; intangibles in
driving, 89; leaving scene of ac­
cident, 87; nonowner driving. 85;
personal injuries, 87; precautions
against damage claims. 88; pro­
hibitions when driving. 89; prop­
erty damage. 86; rules for driv­
ing, 89; safe driving, rewards for,
93; safety rules. 91; self-inventory
when driving. 90; self-preserva­
tion. 90; seminary rules, 85; traf­
fic regulations, 91; traffic tickets,
92; witnessing accident, 92; your
own car, 93
Bald-headed persons, 3
Baths, daily, 1
Beds, making, 8; sitting on, 21, 74

Bets, in sports, 62
Blowing on food, 39
Body, posture and carriage, 10 f
Boys, and sports, 63
Bread, buttering, 29, 40; and gravy,
40; at table, 40
Bridge, card game, rules, 57
Business letters, priest and, 111 f;
seminarians and, 110
Canon Law, on manners, 2
Cars, see Automobile
Cassocks, care of, 5; see also Cloth­
ing
Chairs, holding for ladies, 82; never
tilted, 12
Chapel, good manners in, 134
Charity, in correspondence, 109;
practical, 137; in seminary, xii
Chart, ecclesiastical forms, 119 f
Cheerfulness, in hospital, 75
Chewing food, silently, 35
Chewing gum, clerics, 22
Children’s safety, 90
Christmas cards. 116
Cigarettes, see Smoking
Cigars, see Smoking
Classroom, manners in, 135
Cleaning teeth, at table, 39
Cleanliness, personal, 1
Clean speech. 19
Clothing, care of, 4; overdress, 5;
street wear, 5; T shirts, 6; under­
dress, 5
Clowning, in sports, 62
Coffee break, driving, 88
Coffee or tea, pouring, 46
Colds, in seminary, 66
Collars, clerical, 5
Competitive spirit, sports, 56
Complaints, about food, 52; about
service, 51

157

158

INDEX

Condolence, letters of. 117
Congratulation, letters of. 114 f; see
also Correspondence
Connell, Very Rev. F. J., C.Ss.R.,
on introductions, 131
Conversation, admonitions, 16; af­
fectation, 17; aids, 17; blunders
in, 18; Cardinal Newman on, 19;
cautions, 16: foreign phrases, 17;
general, 14; good listener, 14;
humor in, 17 f; ideas, stealing, 17;
interruptions, 15; Latin expres­
sions, 17; nicknames, 16; obliga­
tions, 19; pitfalls. 15; profanity,
19; rules for correct speech, 18;
show-off, 17; slang, 18; training
school for, 18; twice-told talcs, 16
Correcting speech of others, 16
Correspondence, approved form of
ecclesiastical address, 112; charity
in, 109; commentary, 109; gen­
eral, 109 f; good manners in, 109;
priest, business letters. 111 f;
priest, personal letters, 113 f;
priest, professional letters, 117;
priest, rule of, for business letters,
113; priest, special occasions, 116;
priest, social letters, 118; prompt­
ness in, 109 f; resolutions for new
priests, 109; seminarian, business
letters, 110; .seminarian, corre­
spondence cards, 111; seminarian,
in editorial work, 110; seminar­
ian, general letters, 110; seminar­
ian, letters home, 110; seminarian,
letters to his bishop, 110
Coughing, control of, 21; in chapel,
21
Courtesy, in driving, 89
Crackers, in soup. 38
Cracking knuckles, 20
Credit cards, 55
Crossing legs, 11, 32
Cultural example, Jesus Christ, xv
Cultured Catholic gentleman, defi­
nition, xi
Custody of eyes, 12
Cutting food, at table, 41

Dental care, during vacation, 68

Deodorants, 1
Desk, orderly arrangement, 8; sitting
on, 21
Dishes, see Table manners
Doctor, and sickness, 67; see also
Sickness
Doors, holding for ladies. 81 f; slam­
ming, 22
Drinking, and driving rules, 89; see
also Table manners
Driving, rules for, 89; see also Au­
tomobile

Ears, prudence, 83
Faster greetings, 116
Eating, conventionality of, 36. 36 f;
see also Table manners
Educated man. Cardinal Newman,
19
Elbows, at table, 41; see also Table
manners
Elevators, courtesy in, 79
Epidemics, see Sickness
Eyes, custody of, 12, 78 f

Feet, at table, 32; on floor, 12; shuf­
fling, 21
Fingernails, biting, 4; care of, 3 f
Fingers, drumming, 20; for forks,
38; tobacco odor, 25; tobacco
stained, 25
First Mass, see First Solemn Mass
First Solemn Mass, 138 f; acknowl­
edging gifts, 148 f; archpriest,
143; cards, for distribution. 147;
choir, 142; church and altar
adornment. 140; clerical guests.
143; dinner (reception), 145; es­
sentials vs. incidentals, 140; ex­
tent of celebration, 139; family
etiquette, 144; gifts. 148; gifts to
others, 151; goal achieved, 138:
guiding principles. 138; invita­
tions, 144; letters of thanks, 150 f;
letters to non-Catholics, 151; min­
isters, 143; notes of thanks, 150;
parish dinner, 142; parish recep­
tion, 142; pastor and, 141, 143;
photographers,
decorum.
140;
photographs. 146; preacher, 143;
proximate preparation, 141; pub­
licity, 145 f; reception (dinner).

INDEX

145; regulations on, 138; remote
preparation, 140, 141; reward
for thoughtfulness, 152; souvenir
cards, 147; time schedule, 141
Food, and fingers, 29; see also Eat­
ing, conventionality of; Table
manners

Games, during summer, 58; in semi­
nary, 58
Genuflections, proper, 12
Gloves, and introductions, 80; street
introduction. 131
Golden Rule, in driving, 90
Golf, rules, 58
Golfing, at private clubs, 58; public
courses, 58
Good manners, in action, 133 f; in
chapel, 134; in classroom, 135;
at recreation, 136; in sacristy,
133 f; in sports, 135; waiting on
table, 134
Grapefruit, how eaten, 41
Gum chewing. 22
Habits, annoying. 20 fl; how to con­
trol, 21; overcoming, 22
Hair, care of, 3
Handkerchiefs, uses of, 21
Hands, assisting ladies, 80
Handshaking, when introduced, 130;
with ladies. 80
Hangnails, chewing. 4
Hats, lifting in salutation, 78; on
refectory tables, 22; removed
when speaking to lady, 78; wear­
ing in house, 21; when to be re­
moved, 77
Hay fever, cautions. 21
Head, hats off, 77; shampoos, 2
Hitchhikers, 91
Holdups, auto, 91
Holy water, use of, 12
Horn blowing, auto, 90
Hospital, conduct of visitor, 74;
regulations, 74; and smoking. 74;
when assigned to, 67; when pa­
tient, 73
Housekeeper, cooperation with, 9
Humming, publicly, 20

159

Ignorance, in sports, 56
Infirmarian, duties, 67; helping, in
emergencies, 70; medical supplies,
68 f; responsibilities, 67; and sick­
ness, 67
Introductions 122 f; approach, 122;
correct titles, 125; examples of
form, 127; first rule, 122; hand­
shaking, 130; ladies first, 122;
to lady on street, 131; presenting
family, 123; presenting a group,
123; presenting men to clergy,
125; presenting priests to each
other, 126; presenting to public
officials, 127; presenting women
to clergy. 126; priests introducing
selves, 128; pronouncing names
clearly, 129; safe method, 124;
second rule, 124; third rule, 124;
when you are introduced, out­
doors, 131; when you arc pre­
sented. 129; when you are pre­
sented to a man, 130; when you
arc presented to a prelate, 129;
when you arc presented to a
woman, 130; young to old, 124
Introspection, of faults, 23

Jesus Christ, cultural example, xv
Judgment, by others, xiii
Kneeling, properly, 12; rules for, 11
Knife and fork, proper placing, 37;
proper position. 29; at table, 35;
when not in use, 35
Ladies, and doors, 80; and elevators,
79; and escalators, 80; and eti­
quette. 83; first, 79; first, rules,
81; holding chairs for. 82; hold­
ing chairs for. 82; holding doors
doors for. 81 f; offering hand to
assist, 81; offering hand to you,
80; opinions of men’s manners,
84; and rising to feet. 79; social
relations with. 76 f; and stairs.
80; walking with, 79; when not
to believe, 83; and your ears.
83; and your eyes. 78; and your
hands, 80; and your hat, 77
Language, see Conversation

160

INDEX

Laughter, boisterous, 20; controlled,
20
Left-handed, at tabic, 34
Legs, crossing of, 11
Letters, see Correspondence
Linens, fresh, 2
Lobster, eating problem, 38
Long-distance calls, sec Telephone
usage
Mail, see Correspondence
Manicure set, 4
Manner of eating, habit, 36
Manners, Canon Law on, 2; driv­
ing, 89; St. Augustine on, 7
Mass, see First Solemn Mass
Mass stipends, acknowledgment, 117
Medication, self-administered, 69
Motoring, see Automobiles
Mouthwashes, I

Napkins, for guests, 34; use and
abuse, 34; use of, improper and
proper, 37; see also Table man­
ners
Neglecting sickness, 70
Obedience, in sickness, 67
Odors, body, 1
Orderliness, pleasant results, 9; of
room, 9
Physician, see Sickness
Pig, at table, 40 f
Pipe, see Smoking
Pitfalls, at table, 32
Posture, of body, 10; guidance rule,
12
Practical jokes, 137
Priss, at table, 42 f
Questions, senseless, 15

Racket-cer, at table. 39 f
Railroad reservations, 54
Recreation, good manners at, 136
Reporting auto accidents. 87
Respect, for equipment, in sports.
62
Restaurant, ordering for ladies, 84;
seating, 81

Room, care of, 7f

Sacristy, conduct in, 134; good
manners in, 133 f; promptness in,
134; silence in, 133
Saltincs, how eaten, 38
Sauces and gravies, how used, 37
Scratching head, prohibited, 20
Selfishness, 137
Seminarians, judged by public, xiii;
social recreation of, 76
Seminary, habit-forming time, xiii
Shampoos, frequency, 2
Shaving, 1
Shoes, polished, 4; special usage, 5
Show-offs, in driving, 91
Sickness, attitude toward, 66; and
community, 66, 70 f; consulting
infirmarian, 68; and ‘‘heroics,’’
66; at home, 65; and ‘‘home
remedies." 69; and the hospital,
72; hospital, and acceptance of
illness, 73; hospital, and edifica­
tion, 73; hospital, and gratitude,
74; hospital, and questions, 73;
hospital, respect for regulations,
74; hospital, and staff, 73, 75;
hospital, and telephone, 73; and
infirmarian, 67; and medical ap­
pointments, 68; and medical sup­
plies, 68; and medication, 72;
obedience in, 67; and parents,
65; and the physician, 71; re­
porting, 65; at seminary, 66;
warning on ‘‘miracle" drugs, 72
Sick and visitors, 69
Silverware, polishing at table, 34;
soiled, 39
Singing, prohibited. 20
Sitting, at table, 32; rules for, 11 f
Slob, at table, 37
Slovenliness, in dress. 5
Smoking, 24 ff; ashes, 27; and
breath, 27; comments on, 24; in
crowds, 26; indoors, 25; manner­
isms, 27; nicotine-stained fingers,
25; obeying regulations on, 24;
odors, 25; outdoors, 25; pipe
smoker, 24 f; in private homes,
26; prohibitions, 26; in rooms,
8; on street, 24; at table, 26

INDEX
Sneezing, control of, 21
Soaps, 1
Social conventions, training, xiii
Socks, color, 4
Soup, how to eat, 40
Spaghetti, how to cat, 39
Spilt liquids or foods, 46, 47
Sports. 56 f; attitude after game,
60; character builder for boys,
63; character development in, 58;
cheating at, 60; code, 56; code
for seminarians, 56 f; competi­
tive spirit, 56; during summer,
59; final test, 63; good manners
in, 135 f; indoor and outdoor,
57; learn the code, 57; learn
rules before play, 57; objective
for seminarians, 58; principles
and practice, 59; punishment for
violation of code, 56; reward for
teaching. 64; rigid test, 57; some
cautions, 61, 62; teaching boys.
60, 62; unwritten law, 60; the
"win" urge, 56; your example to
boys, 63
Sportsmanship, example to boys, 63
Standing, rule for, 11
Stories, off-color, 19
Stretching, publicly, 21
Students, fellow, helping, 137; and
seminary waiters, 49; younger,
attitude toward, 137
Summer sports, 59

Table arrangement, seminary. 31
Table manners. 28 f; cautions. 29;
and charity, 30; consideration of
others, 33; exposing bare arms,
35; four horrible examples, 37 f;
four tests. 36; general, 28; at
home, 29; ignorance of, no ex­
cuse, 28; importance of, 43; for
left-handed, 34; observations. 31;
position at table, 32; warnings,
31; when to start eating. 35
Talking, with mouth full, 39
Taxicabs, failure to show, 54; tip­
ping. 54
Teaching sports, reward for, 64
Telephone, accuracy in taking mes­
sages, 99; answering incoming
calls, 97; apologies, 99; business

161

conversation, 103; call-backs, 104;
calls at night, 98; complaints, 99;
courtesy, 95, 100, 102; courtesy
in receiving calls, 97; cutoffs, 103;
identification of place, 97; in­
formation, giving of, 100; in­
forming callers, 98; leaving mes­
sages, 101; local business calls,
102; long-distance calls, 105 f;
promptness in answering, 97;
proper attitude in answering.
95; protocol with operator, 103;
rules for, in seminary, 94; rules
for use of, 97; in seminary, 94;
sign-off conversation, 104; switch­
board operation, 94 f; testing
voice for, 96; usage, 94 f; use of
directory, 102; “voice with smile,"
95; wrong numbers, 98, 102
Temper, control of, in sports, 61
Thanks, letters of, 115 f; see abo
Correspondence
Thomas Aquinas. St., on affability,
xi
Tipping. 50 f; exceptional eases, 53;
foreign scale, 53; general com­
ments, 50; manner of, 51; prac­
tical application, 53; present scale.
53; proper attitude, 50; scale of
tips, 52; too little, 50; too much,
50; with credit cards, 55
Toothpastes, 1
Toothpicks, at table, 39
Towels, improper use of, 8
Traffic laws, driving, 92
T shirt, at table, 35; when worn, 6
Visiting, sick, 69 f
Voice, see Conversation; Telephone
Vulgarity, in speech. 19
Waiters, poor service, 51; proper
tipping, 51
Waiting on table, 44 f; attention,
45; attitude toward, 44; bare
arms, 45; consideration of others,
45; cooperation of students, 49;
emergencies, 46; good manners,
I34f; personal appearance. 45;
sequence of courses, 47; service
for faculty, 46; service for stu-

162

INDEX

dents, 48; service for students,
some cautions, 49; summary, 48;
teamwork, 49
Walking, proper attitude, 10
Washstand, common, 9; proper care
of, 8

Whistling, 20
Witness to auto accident, 92
Women, see Ladies

Yawning, publicly, 21