December 2007 Print

^{Fr. Hervé de la Tour}

Dear Ladies,

 

Tonight I would like to say a few words about the Christian home. First of all, I would like to read to you the following texts, which give an excellent description of what a true Christian home should be like:

The worthy Christian home finds a true Christian family abiding therein and growing in love and care for one another. This home is not constructed in prefabricated fashion in a few weeks or a few years–for it is not purely material. Indeed its true character is achieved not through plaster and paint and sanitary plumbing, but through love and sweat and tears. It is a framework trimmed with remembered moments of joy; cemented by hours of suffering. It is a reflection of the personalities of those who dwell therein, an expression of their likes and dislikes. The true Christian home is an altar of sacrifice and a theater of comedies and drama; it is a place of work and a haven of rest. (Richard Cardinal Cushing)

If yours is a true Christian home, it is like a little Church, where the family daily joins together in beautiful devotions–the family rosary, family night prayers, and the act of consecration to the Sacred Heart. Life is viewed as Christ would have us view it. There is great trust and confidence in His providence. Love, tenderness, and forgiveness you find there, but also a high standard of moral living, obedience, and discipline. Parents and children, whether they be rich or poor, share generously with each other, go without things if necessary, and bear trials and sufferings in patience.

It is a little School, where your children learn to live and love as dignified human beings, to work for the good of others, and to serve their fellow man without thought of monetary gain.

It is a little Recreation Center, where the family relaxes in peace from outside woes and work. Playing together helps children and parents reconcile differences and adjust to each other's needs, and builds up the affectionate ties that last a lifetime. Most of us remember the starring roles we had at one time or another in our own homemade theater. It is the humorous incidents of the family that help develop pleasant and outgoing personalities–the good fun involving Mother and Dad and all the boys and girls which the uncrowded modern household misses.

You can best live up to this picture of true family life if you keep as your ideal the life led by the Holy Family at Nazareth. For there, as Cardinal Cushing goes on to say:

...one beheld simplicity and purity of conduct, perfect agreement and unbroken harmony, mutual respect and love, not of the false and fleeting kind, but that which found both its life and its charm in devotedness of service. At Nazareth, patient industry provided what was required for food and raiment; there was contentment with little–and a concentration on the diminution of the number of wants rather than on the multiplication of sources of wealth. Better than all else, at Nazareth there was found that supreme peace of mind and gladness of soul which never fails to accompany the possession of a tranquil conscience. At Nazareth, one could witness a continuous series of examples of goodness, of modesty, of humility, of hard-working endurance, of kindness to others, of diligence in the small duties of daily life.

You can imitate this model of the Holy Family only if you set out to make every member of your family more concerned about God and the things of God than about the things of this world. You must live in the awareness that all that is done is done in the presence of God and that genuine happiness results only when we conform to His will. From another text:

By her very nature, a woman has great strength and value. This is especially true in regard to the home she has been given to form. The home is the extension of the mother's heart.

A woman remains quite restricted from being able to fulfill her life's fullest role before she has for her own an actual home, a house, in which she welcomes, warms, nourishes, helps in life, those she already cherishes in her heart: her husband, first of all, with whom she shares the setting up of a home; and soon, the children. To her has been given the conception of children and the keeping them for quite a while in the impregnable sanctuary of her body. And it is an essential wish of her being that there be a cradle and a home for continuing her maternal care–feeding her child and fostering its growth comfortably. To be deprived of such essentials would be a most agonizing distress.

So it is in the material world, that nothing more than having a home, a house, is natural to feminine nature; and, for this reason, the home, the house, is sacred, for whatever has to do with human destiny most vitally, is sacred.

Yet, who most gives to a home its character? On whom does it depend for its sincerity or its empty soulessness; its frivolousness or drab clutter? Who is most importantly responsible concerning the ease or burdensomeness of daily chores; or about well-cooked, good meals or hastily fixed ones; or for interesting and dignified conversations, or just frivolous ones? A home or house has a soul and carries the imprint of its spirit. What soul or spirit? Those of the husband and wife, undoubtedly. However (and this is evidenced every day), it is in the image of their wives that the homes of most men are established–in the image of her happiness or misfortune, of the nobility or mediocrity of the young girl or young wife. It is the wife and mother who gives the home its true soul.

The creative imagination of the man, constructive by nature, tends more in fact toward the exterior world of city work. Even if he had thought about his ideal home, a man is ill-equipped to bring about its realization–all the intimate details that go to create the household climate one enjoys, their rhythm that depends on a continual and silent presence–actually escape his capacity almost definitely. It is mainly the woman who either makes home life better or worse, wonderful or dismal, successful or difficult.

How many women, alas, ruin the home they ought to establish, who bring low those to whom they should give wing–either by weighing them down with mollifying comfort, or by treating them with an almost scorning tenderness–giving service minutely to the least elevated whims. Oppositely, a woman who has preferred her true nature and who aspires to live in Christ, will surely sense some ever greater concept of her house like the one of the "Woman blessed among women" at Nazareth....

It is truly the mother, then, who must uplift the souls of those entrusted to her care. By her deep interior life she can hope to maintain all elements of Catholic home life, and thus will be an inspiration to her husband and children.

These texts should help us to understand the importance of the Christian home and how it is through the woman that it will be either Catholic or worldly.

There are several other areas of importance on which I would like to offer you some advice. In some things it is necessary for mothers to be absolutely ruthless. For example: bad magazines and books, rock music, the radio and tape players, etc. Rock music and similar entertainment should not be tolerated in the Catholic home. I insist on this point because it is so serious and these things endanger the souls of your children. I advise you to educate yourselves on the true nature of rock music by reading several good books on the subject which you can find in our bookstore. In addition, if you remove bad music and books from your children's lives, you must then replace them with something good and uplifting, such as classical music, Gregorian chant, folk songs, good stories, and classic literature. Your children must understand that you love them and their souls are most important to you. You should explain the evils of rock music, etc., to them and help them to understand.

With regard to the TV, I think it is better not to have a TV at all. However, if you are not ready to dispose of it (perhaps after a few more retreats you will be inclined to do so!), at least control what your children watch. Do not allow yourselves or your families to become slaves to TV. This destroys the interior life. Children love to see beautiful pictures and hear good stories. Give them beautiful things to see and listen to, and eventually they will be more likely to turn away from the bad influences of TV and radio.

Another area of concern is the language and conversations of your children. All people should speak in a mannerly, refined way, but so many children use terrible, vulgar language. You must never allow your children to speak in this way, and always set a good example yourselves.

Modesty, in dress and in actions, is especially important for girls in particular. During the summer you should not allow your daughters to wear shorts. In fact, pants and jeans, even when they are modest, are not really an appropriate way for girls to dress. I would prefer to see all our girls dressed like ladies. Remember too that, if the girls are modest, pure and chaste, the boys will behave themselves.

We must also teach our children self-discipline. For example, they should not be allowed to eat snacks without permission. If they are allowed to eat whenever they please, whether they are hungry or not, they will become used to following their own whims and this will affect other areas of their life. They must learn how to say no to themselves.

In addition, we must encourage our children to be polite and courteous towards others. They should exercise thoughtfulness as well, by doing little things for others out of kindness and charity, such as opening doors for their teachers or parents, etc. Good table manners are important too. If you ever ate with the Archbishop, you would have noticed how solicitous he was for those around him. He was always concerned that you have enough of everything...that you want for nothing. He was so kind and thoughtful.

Finally, regarding the use of the telephone, it is well not to over-indulge ourselves. The phone is a wonderful invention, but I have observed housewives who have spent perhaps an hour or two at a time in conversations with their friends. This is not good and can upset the peace of the home.

These are just a few ideas on how you can improve the home life of your families. You know that the Church blesses family life. If you look at the Roman Ritual, you will find many, many blessings for all kinds of things: the house, food, the nuptial bed, the oratory in the home, and so on. Here is an especially beautiful blessing which illustrates the Church's attitude toward the home:

O Lord Almighty, bless this place, this house. In it may there be health, chastity, victory over sin, strength, humility, goodness of heart and gentleness, full of servants of your law, and gratefulness to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, and may this blessing remain upon this house and those who live here forever.

In addition, reprinted here on pages 29 and 30 are two poems which beautifully express the Catholic spirituality of the home.

In conclusion, I encourage you to make serious efforts to increase your spiritual life by making more visits to the Blessed Sacrament; to be more charitable and kind toward one another, help each other, and be supportive both in your spiritual and family life. Bear in mind the importance of the Catholic home and community. Work together, be of one heart and one soul, instill in your homes the soul of the interior life. If you do this, you will see that not only your homes, but the parish and community will benefit greatly from an increase in God's blessing and graces. I pray for you every day.

 

Fr. Hervé de la Tour was ordained in 1981. He has held several posts in the US, including headmaster of St. Mary's Academy and College. He was the editor of the popular Catholic Family magazine, which he published while serving in Australia. Fr. de la Tour is currently prior of Immaculate Conception Church, Post Falls, Idaho. Several of Father's articles on education have appeared in previous issues of The Angelus.

 

The Divine Office of the Kitchen

Cecily Hallack

 

Lord of the pots and pipkins, since I have no time to be

A saint by doing lovely things and vigiling with Thee,

By watching in the twilight dawn, And storming Heaven's gates,

Make me a saint by getting meals, And washing up the plates!

 

Lord of the pots and pipkins, please, I offer Thee for souls

The tiresomeness of tea-leaves And sticky porridge bowls!

Remind me of the things I need, Not just to save the stairs,

But so that I may perfectly Lay tables into prayers.

 

Accept my roughened hands Because I made them so for Thee!

Pretend my dish mop is a bow, Which heavenly harmony

Makes on a fiddle frying pan; it is so hard to clean,

And oh, so horrid! Hear, dear Lord, The music that I mean!

Although I must have Martha hands, I have a Mary mind,

And when I black the boots, I try Thy sandals, Lord, to find.

I think of how they trod our earth, What time I scrub the floor.

Accept this meditation when I Haven't time for more!

 

Vespers and Compline come to pass By washing supper things,

And mostly I am very tired; and All the heart that sings

About the morning's work is gone Before me into bed.

Lend me, dear Lord, Thy tireless Heart, to work in me instead!

 

My Matins are said over night to Praise and bless Thy name

Beforehand for tomorrow's work, Which will be just the same;

So that it seems I go to bed still In my working dress.

Lord, make Thy Cinderella, soon A heavenly Princess.

 

Warm all the kitchen with Thy Love, And light it with Thy peace!

Forgive the worrying and make The grumbling words to cease.

Lord, Who laid breakfast on the shore, Forgive the world which saith,

"Can any good thing come to God Out of poor Nazareth?"

 

The Housewife's Prayer

 

Lady, who with tender word

Didst keep the house of Christ the Lord,

Who didst set forth the bread and wine

Before the Living Wheat and Vine,

Reverently didst make the bed

Whereon was laid the Holy Head

That such a cruel pillow prest

For our behoof, on Calvary's crest;

Be beside me while I go,

About my labors to and fro.

Speed the wheel and speed the loom,

Guide the needle and the broom,

Make my bread rise sweet and light,

Make my cheese come foamy white,

Yellow may my butter be

As cowslips blowing on the lea.

Homely though my tasks and small,

Be beside me at them all.

Then when I shall stand to face

Jesu in the judgment place,

To me thy gracious help afford,

Who art the Handmaid of the Lord.

 

"The Housewife's Prayer" from The Valley of Vision by Blanche Mary Kelly, reprinted by permission of the author.